WTF! HUBBY AND HIS MOM OBSESSED AND MOM WILL DIE IF I DON'T ALLOW HER TO CHANGE BABY'S DIAPER

WTF! HUBBY AND HIS MOM OBSESSED AND MOM WILL DIE IF I DON’T ALLOW HER TO CHANGE BABY’S DIAPER

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

When Boundaries Collide with Family Dynamics

In a heart-wrenching tale of postpartum vulnerability, a new mother grapples with her husband’s overbearing attachment to his mother, who is set to invade their home just a week after childbirth. Despite their agreement to keep baby duties exclusive to the couple, the husband undermines her wishes, prioritizing his mother’s desires over his wife’s well-being. This story resonates with many who have faced the challenges of balancing family expectations with personal boundaries, especially during such a delicate time as new parenthood.

AITA for Setting Boundaries with My Husband’s Mother After Giving Birth?

In a recent family drama, a new mother finds herself in a conflict with her husband regarding the presence of his mother after the birth of their child. Here’s a breakdown of the situation:

Background: The mother and her husband had previously agreed that only they would change and care for their newborn.
Mother-in-law’s Visit: The husband’s mother, whom the new mother dislikes due to her entitled behavior, is planning a three-week visit despite the mother’s objections.
Delivery Room Tension: The mother-in-law had expressed a desire to be present during the delivery, which added to the mother’s discomfort.
Husband’s Actions: The husband disregarded the mother’s feelings and booked his mother’s visit without consulting her, leading to significant arguments.
Threat of Divorce: During a heated exchange, the husband threatened divorce if the mother did not allow his mother to visit.

The new mother feels vulnerable and trapped, as she has no place to go with her baby. She is struggling with the following:

Setting Boundaries: She has communicated to her husband that she does not want anyone, including his mother, to change or feed their baby.
Husband’s Response: The husband insists that his mother is only visiting to see the baby and not to help, dismissing the mother’s concerns.
Mother’s Frustration: The mother feels overwhelmed and believes her husband is prioritizing his mother’s desires over her well-being.

As the situation escalates, the mother expresses her feelings of distress:

Emotional Toll: She is experiencing daily tears and fears that she may be developing postpartum depression due to the stress of the situation.
Concern for Relationship: The mother is worried about her husband’s attachment to his mother, which she perceives as unhealthy and intrusive.
Desire for Resolution: She feels a strong urge to escape the situation but lacks the means to do so.

This family drama highlights the complexities of new parenthood, the importance of conflict resolution, and the need for mutual respect in relationships. The new mother is left questioning her next steps as she navigates the challenges of motherhood and marital dynamics.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

AITAH

While pregnant, my husband and I agreed that absolutely no one aside from him and I is allowed to change the baby.

Fast forward, the baby is here. His dear mother is coming to visit, even though I can’t stand her due to her being a selfish, entitled C U next Tuesday.

This is the same woman that wanted to be in the delivery room. My husband is an ass; that’s already established. He made my entire birthing experience about him and his mom.

Anyways, we had many huge arguments about the fact that I’m not ready to host anyone one week postpartum. He didn’t care, went behind my back, and booked for her to come stay for three weeks.

Another fight ensued, and then he threatened divorce if I don’t allow her to come. I’m currently the most vulnerable I’ve ever been.

I don’t have anywhere to go with my baby, or else I wouldn’t have cared and would have packed and left. Now that I have to deal with her, I’ve set boundaries with my husband to inform his mom of.

Baby duties are my responsibility, and I don’t want anyone to change or feed my child. I don’t trust her and cannot stand her.

He refuses and says his mom is only coming to see his child, not to help me. He claims that it’s her given right to change and feed my baby.

I flip out, and hell breaks loose. He says his mom is basically coming to play house and mother my child because she misses babies, and it’s her right.

He’s a mommy’s boy. He definitely has some weird, messed-up relationship with his mom because the way he’s obsessed with her isn’t your typical mother-son relationship.

He mentions several times how he would love to see his mom feed our baby because it will remind him of how she fed him. I don’t know what to do, and I want to run as far away as possible.

But I have nowhere to go! I’ve been crying every day.

I’m probably developing postpartum depression from the stress and BS he’s adding onto the sleep deprivation and pain.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the original poster (OP) is not at fault (NTA) for wanting to establish boundaries with her husband regarding his mother’s involvement in their child’s life. Many users emphasize the importance of OP’s feelings and the need for her husband to support her as a new mother, suggesting that his behavior is controlling and dismissive of her needs. The comments also encourage OP to consider her options, including seeking help from a women’s shelter or a lawyer, highlighting the urgency of addressing the unhealthy dynamics in her relationship.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

Navigating the complexities of new parenthood while managing family dynamics can be incredibly challenging. Here are some practical steps for both the new mother and her husband to consider in order to resolve their conflict and establish healthier boundaries.

For the New Mother

Communicate Openly: Schedule a calm, uninterrupted time to talk with your husband. Express your feelings honestly, focusing on how his actions affect your emotional well-being and your bond as new parents.
Reiterate Boundaries: Clearly outline the boundaries you wish to set regarding your baby’s care. Emphasize that these boundaries are not just about his mother but about your comfort and mental health as a new mother.
Seek Support: Reach out to trusted friends or family members who can provide emotional support. Consider joining a new parent support group where you can share experiences and gain insights from others in similar situations.
Consider Professional Help: If feelings of distress continue, consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who specializes in postpartum issues. They can provide coping strategies and help you navigate your feelings.

For the Husband

Listen Actively: Make a genuine effort to listen to your wife’s concerns without becoming defensive. Acknowledge her feelings and validate her experience as a new mother.
Reflect on Priorities: Take time to reflect on the balance between your mother’s desires and your wife’s needs. Understand that supporting your wife during this vulnerable time is crucial for your family’s well-being.
Involve Your Mother Respectfully: If your mother’s visit is important, discuss it with your wife first. Consider setting specific times for visits that respect her boundaries and allow her to feel comfortable.
Seek Couples Counseling: If communication remains strained, consider attending couples counseling together. A neutral third party can help facilitate discussions and improve understanding between both of you.

Joint Steps to Consider

Establish a Family Plan: Together, create a plan for how you will manage visits from family members, including your mother. This plan should prioritize both parents’ comfort and the baby’s needs.
Set Check-Ins: Schedule regular check-ins with each other to discuss feelings, concerns, and any adjustments that may be needed regarding family involvement.
Educate Yourselves: Read books or attend workshops on parenting and family dynamics. Understanding the challenges of new parenthood can help both of you empathize with each other’s perspectives.

Resolving this conflict will require patience, understanding, and a commitment to each other’s well-being. By taking these steps, both partners can work towards a healthier relationship and a more supportive environment for their new family.