WIBTAH If I Sent A Family Group Chat About Not Kissing My Daughter's Mouth But Really It's Meant For A Specific Person

WIBTAH if I sent a family group chat about not kissing my daughter’s mouth but really it’s meant for a specific person

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

When Family Boundaries Blur: A Mother’s Dilemma

In a tense family dynamic, a mother grapples with her uncle’s persistent boundary-crossing behavior, from feeding her sensitive dog inappropriate foods to kissing her toddler on the mouth. After a recent family gathering, she feels compelled to address what she perceives as inappropriate affection towards her child, raising questions about familial norms and personal comfort. As she contemplates sending a message to the family group chat, she faces the challenge of balancing her protective instincts with the potential fallout of calling out a relative. This relatable scenario touches on the universal struggle of navigating family relationships while advocating for children’s well-being.

Family Drama Over Inappropriate Kissing: A Conflict Resolution Dilemma

A recent family gathering has sparked a conflict involving a family member and their behavior towards children. The situation revolves around an uncle who has a history of disregarding boundaries, particularly concerning feeding pets and children. Here’s a breakdown of the events leading to the current tension:

Background Issues:
- The uncle, in his 60s and related by marriage, has repeatedly fed the narrator’s dog inappropriate foods, despite being asked to stop.
- His behavior has extended to trying to feed the narrator’s toddler unhealthy snacks, raising concerns about the child’s diet.
Recent Family Gathering:
- The family gathered for a bowling event to celebrate the narrator’s nephew’s 16th birthday.
- The narrator’s 18-month-old daughter, who is somewhat clingy, was present and interacted with family members.
- As the gathering concluded, the uncle kissed the narrator’s daughter on the mouth, which made the narrator uncomfortable.
Concerns About Inappropriate Behavior:
- The narrator believes that kissing a child on the mouth is inappropriate and should be reserved for parents.
- This incident has raised alarms about the uncle’s understanding of personal boundaries with children.

With another family gathering approaching, the narrator is contemplating addressing the issue in the family group chat. They are considering sending a message to express their discomfort and set boundaries regarding physical affection towards their child. The proposed message reads:

“Hey everyone, I hope you’re all doing well! Just a quick one, last family gathering as we were all leaving I noticed a family member kissing Aurora on the mouth. I don’t think it matters too much about giving her kisses on the face now in terms of risk of RSV as she has a better immune system, but kissing her on the mouth I don’t think is appropriate. Please can we not do that again? I thought I’d put this on here to save that person some embarrassment and raise the point to everyone else. Thank you! X”

The narrator is now seeking advice on whether sending this message would be considered inappropriate or if it is a necessary step for conflict resolution within the family. They are particularly concerned about the implications of addressing this issue with their marital family, as opposed to their blood relatives.

This situation highlights the complexities of family dynamics and the importance of establishing boundaries, especially when it comes to children. The narrator’s feelings of discomfort are valid, and addressing them could help prevent future incidents and foster a healthier family environment.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

My issues started with this particular family member, my uncle, a male in his 60s, who is part of the family by marriage and came out as gay a couple of years ago. It all began when he wouldn’t stop feeding my dog, even after I asked him numerous times, politely, to stop. My dog can get a sensitive stomach when he doesn’t have his regular food.

Not only that, but he would feed him whatever he was eating at the time—ham sandwiches, cookies, you name it. Recently, he’s also been trying to feed my toddler whatever he has on his plate, which was chips and fries. During the most recent gathering, I had to tell him to stop again.

Onto my issue… So we all went bowling last weekend as a big family for my nephew’s 16th birthday, and all was good. My toddler is a little clingy when it comes to big family gatherings, so I was up and down a lot with her. At the end, we were all saying our goodbyes, and my daughter was saying bye to everyone.

This uncle came to say bye to her, and my daughter puckered her lips to kiss him. She’s only 18 months old, and he ended up kissing my daughter on the mouth. It was only the once, but I felt uncomfortable and thought it was super inappropriate.

In my eyes, a kiss on the mouth is a cute thing kids share with mum and dad; otherwise, with anyone else, I would classify it as super creepy and inappropriate. We have another big family gathering coming up, and I’m tempted to send this to the family chat…

“Hey everyone, I hope you’re all doing well! Just a quick one: at the last family gathering, as we were all leaving, I noticed a family member kissing Aurora on the mouth. I don’t think it matters too much about giving her kisses on the face now in terms of the risk of RSV, as she has a better immune system, but kissing her on the mouth I don’t think is appropriate. Please can we not do that again? I thought I’d put this on here to save that person some embarrassment and raise the point to everyone else. Thank you! X”

WIBTAH if I sent this message to the family group chat? Any advice would be appreciated, as this is my marital family, not my blood family I’m dealing with.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a divided opinion on how to address the issue of a family member kissing a child on the mouth. While some users advocate for a direct conversation with the individual to set boundaries, others suggest a more general message to the family to promote safe affection practices without singling anyone out. Overall, there is a strong emphasis on prioritizing the child’s safety and well-being while navigating family dynamics.

Verdict: ESH

Expert Advice for Resolving Family Conflict

Family dynamics can be challenging, especially when it comes to setting boundaries for children. In this situation, both the narrator and the uncle have valid perspectives, and finding a resolution that respects everyone’s feelings is crucial. Here are some practical steps to address the conflict:

Steps for the Narrator

Reflect on Your Feelings: Take some time to understand why the incident made you uncomfortable. Is it solely about the kiss, or does it also relate to the uncle’s previous behavior? Clarifying your feelings will help you communicate more effectively.
Choose the Right Approach: Consider whether a private conversation with the uncle or a group message is more appropriate. A private chat may prevent embarrassment and allow for a more open dialogue.
Be Direct but Kind: If you choose to address the uncle directly, express your feelings without accusing him. For example, you might say, “I felt uncomfortable when you kissed Aurora on the mouth. I believe it’s important to reserve that kind of affection for parents.” This approach emphasizes your feelings rather than placing blame.
Set Clear Boundaries: Clearly communicate your boundaries regarding physical affection with your child. Let the uncle know what is acceptable and what is not, ensuring he understands your perspective.
Follow Up: After the conversation, check in with the uncle to see how he feels about the discussion. This can help reinforce your relationship and show that you value his presence in your family.

Steps for the Uncle

Listen and Reflect: If approached by the narrator, take the time to listen to their concerns without becoming defensive. Reflect on their feelings and consider how your actions may have impacted them.
Acknowledge Boundaries: Understand that boundaries regarding children can vary among families. Respect the narrator’s wishes and be open to adjusting your behavior in the future.
Communicate Openly: If you feel confused about what is acceptable, don’t hesitate to ask the narrator for clarification. Open communication can prevent misunderstandings and foster a healthier family dynamic.
Apologize if Necessary: If you recognize that your actions were inappropriate, a sincere apology can go a long way in mending relationships. Acknowledge the discomfort caused and express your willingness to change.

Conclusion

Addressing family conflicts, especially those involving children, requires sensitivity and understanding from all parties involved. By approaching the situation with empathy and a willingness to communicate, both the narrator and the uncle can work towards a resolution that prioritizes the child’s well-being while maintaining family harmony.