WIBTAH For Not Being Involved With A New Baby?

WIBTAH for not being involved with a new baby?

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Is It Wrong to Want Distance from a New Baby?

A 17-year-old grapples with the impending arrival of a family member’s baby, revealing a complex history of raising younger relatives that has left them with deep emotional scars. Despite their valid reasons for wanting to keep their distance, a friend’s harsh reaction forces them to reconsider their stance. This relatable dilemma touches on themes of personal boundaries, trauma, and the expectations placed on young people in family dynamics. As they navigate their feelings, the question remains: will prioritizing their mental health make them the villain in this family story?

Family Drama Over Baby Involvement

This story revolves around a 17-year-old who is facing family drama and conflict resolution regarding a new baby expected in the family. The individual expresses a desire to distance themselves from the baby, leading to tension with friends and family.

Background: The poster is 17 years old and a family member is expecting a baby in six months.
Personal Experience: The poster has previously raised two cousins from a very young age, which they feel robbed them of their childhood.
Mental Health: The experience has led to PTSD, causing anxiety and panic attacks at the thought of a baby in their home.
Biological Limitations: The poster cannot have children, which they hope will prevent assumptions about their future parenting desires.

The poster feels overwhelmed by the idea of a baby being introduced into their life, expressing that they do not want to be involved in any capacity, including holding, feeding, or changing diapers. They acknowledge that they might help if absolutely necessary but are clear about their boundaries.

Friend’s Reaction: A friend reacted strongly, accusing the poster of being an “asshole” for wanting to avoid involvement with the baby.
Self-Reflection: The poster is questioning whether their feelings are justified or if they are overreacting.
Family Expectations: There is uncertainty about whether the family expects them to help with the baby, as comments have been made suggesting they would be involved due to their past experience.

The poster seeks advice on whether they would be considered the “asshole” for their stance and what actions they could take to avoid that label. They express gratitude for any feedback, even if it is negative, and request explanations for any potential judgments against them.

Advice Sought: The poster is looking for guidance on how to navigate this family drama without being seen as neglectful or uncaring.
Clarification: The baby’s mother is not directly related to the poster, adding another layer of complexity to the situation.

In summary, this situation highlights the challenges of family dynamics, personal boundaries, and the emotional toll of past experiences. The poster is grappling with their feelings about the impending arrival of a new family member and is seeking conflict resolution strategies to manage their involvement.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

Hello, first time actually posting here. Never thought it would happen.

Anyways, I’m 17, and a family member will be having a baby in about 6 months. I don’t want to be involved in the slightest until it’s older.

I told this to a friend, and he freaked out and verbally attacked me because it would be an asshole thing to do. I personally don’t see it as a majorly terrible thing considering I have what I think to be valid reasons.

My main reason would be that I already raised 2 children, which would be my cousins. I genuinely had my childhood stolen from me as I had to raise both of them starting when I was around 4 years old.

I have PTSD from the entire situation, which I will not explain here as it would be trauma-dumping. Just thinking of having a child in my house has my heart pounding uncontrollably and not properly, skipping beats and such, and causing panic attacks.

Imagining the crying I’ll have to hear gives me a headache. I also cannot biologically have children, which is great for me, no complaints, but hopefully this will prevent any “oh, well you’ll have kids one day, you’ll change your mind” type of comments.

I guess I genuinely don’t want to be involved with a baby at all in my house that’ll be forced into my life. I feel as if I’m overreacting, but I think my reasons are valid too.

My now ex-friend was obviously being dramatic, but it does have me thinking. I obviously won’t neglect a baby even if I despise it as of now. Of course, feelings could change.

I may love this baby and adopt that one too. Absolutely not, joking!! I would of course help here and there when absolutely necessary, but I don’t want to hold it, feed it, or change any diapers at all.

I absolutely would if necessary though, just to make that clear for a second time. So, WIBTAH for not being involved with this baby?

Edit: forgot to ask for advice too. If this would make me TA, what do I absolutely have to do with this baby to not be one?

Edit 2: adding info. New baby’s mother is not directly related to me. She’s also not my cousin’s mother; she’s new to all of us in general. I met her a few months ago.

I don’t live in her house; she lives in my family’s house. I’m not completely sure if my family expects me to take care of a baby, but I assume they somewhat do due to the comments they make, positive comments such as “she’d never let anything happen to that baby,” “my name will help you with anything,” “my name has experience with cousins,” etc.

Just to add, I’m grateful for ANY feedback or input you guys give, even if it’s negative, but please explain why I’d be TA. Please don’t DM me either!

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments reveal a strong consensus around NTA due to the user’s past experiences and the need to set boundaries. Most users agree that the teenager should not feel obligated to take care of someone else’s baby, emphasizing the importance of prioritizing their own well-being and preventing future expectations of babysitting.

The user has already taken on a parental role too young.
Setting boundaries now is crucial to avoid being seen as the default babysitter.

Overall, the comments highlight the importance of self-care and assertiveness in familial responsibilities.

Expert Advice for Resolving Family Conflict Over Baby Involvement

Navigating family dynamics, especially when it comes to new additions like a baby, can be challenging. It’s essential to approach this situation with empathy for both your feelings and those of your family members. Here are some practical steps to help you resolve the conflict while maintaining your boundaries:

For the Poster:

Communicate Your Boundaries: Have an open and honest conversation with your family about your feelings. Explain your past experiences and how they have impacted your mental health. Make it clear that you do not wish to take on a caregiving role for the new baby.
Practice Self-Care: Prioritize your mental health by engaging in activities that help you cope with anxiety and PTSD. This could include therapy, mindfulness practices, or hobbies that bring you joy.
Set Clear Expectations: If family members express expectations for your involvement, gently remind them of your boundaries. You can say something like, “I appreciate that you think I can help, but I need to prioritize my well-being right now.”
Offer Limited Support: If you feel comfortable, you might consider offering limited support, such as being present during family gatherings without taking on caregiving tasks. This way, you can still be involved without overextending yourself.

For Your Family and Friends:

Listen and Validate: Encourage your family and friends to listen to your concerns without judgment. They should understand that your feelings are valid and rooted in past experiences.
Respect Boundaries: Family members should respect your decision not to be involved in caregiving. They need to understand that your mental health is a priority and that you are not obligated to take on responsibilities that make you uncomfortable.
Encourage Open Dialogue: Family members should foster an environment where everyone can express their feelings about the new baby. This can help alleviate tension and misunderstandings.

Conclusion

Ultimately, it’s crucial to prioritize your mental health while navigating family expectations. By communicating your boundaries clearly and encouraging understanding from your family, you can create a healthier dynamic that respects everyone’s needs. Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your well-being, and setting boundaries is a sign of strength, not selfishness.