WIBTAH For Going No Contact With My Family After Set Boundaries Were Trampled

WIBTAH for going no contact with my family after set boundaries were trampled

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Family Ties or Toxic Bonds?

In a heart-wrenching tale of familial strife, a woman grapples with the fallout of her mother’s illness and her father’s refusal to support her during a critical time. As she navigates the complexities of grief, loyalty, and boundaries, she faces the painful decision of cutting ties with family members who prioritize appearances over genuine support. This story resonates with anyone who has experienced the challenges of toxic family dynamics, especially in times of crisis, prompting readers to reflect on their own relationships and the sacrifices they make for family. Can one truly prioritize self-care while navigating the expectations of blood ties?

Family Drama and Conflict Resolution: A Personal Journey

A 30-year-old woman reflects on her tumultuous family dynamics following her mother’s cancer diagnosis and her father’s behavior during this challenging time. The story highlights the complexities of family relationships, wedding tension, and the struggle for conflict resolution.

Background: The narrator, a 30F, has always felt like the black sheep of her family. After marrying her husband, 31M, she faced significant challenges, including the birth of their child and her mother’s cancer diagnosis.
Mother’s Illness: After her mother was diagnosed with colon cancer, she underwent chemotherapy and surgery. Although initially declared cancer-free, her doctors recommended a second round of chemotherapy to reduce recurrence risks.
Family Conflict: The situation escalated when the narrator’s father threatened divorce if her mother continued treatment. As her mother’s health deteriorated, she was placed on palliative care.
Legal Troubles: During this time, the narrator faced legal issues that required her parents’ assistance to see her mother. However, her father refused to cooperate, prioritizing family reputation over her need to say goodbye.
Final Goodbye: The narrator was only able to see her mother the night before she passed away, leading to feelings of anger and blame towards her father for the lost opportunity for closure.
Breaking Ties: Following a heated argument where her father told her to “go die,” she decided to cut him out of her life. Initially, she maintained contact with other family members until they invited her father to Christmas, prompting her to sever ties with most of her extended family.
Current Status: The narrator is currently no contact (NC) with her father and brother, while maintaining low contact (LC) with her grandmother and sister, who have shown understanding and remorse for her pain.
Grandmother’s Pressure: The narrator’s grandmother continues to push for reconciliation, inviting her to family gatherings that include her father, despite knowing the boundaries set by the narrator.
Personal Growth: Through therapy, the narrator has begun to recognize the unhealthy dynamics of her family and the importance of prioritizing her own well-being over familial obligations.

In conclusion, the narrator grapples with the decision to maintain boundaries with her family after experiencing significant emotional turmoil. The ongoing family drama serves as a reminder of the complexities of relationships and the importance of conflict resolution in the face of deep-seated issues.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

I, 30F, am married to my husband, 31M, and we have a child together, 6M. As a child, I was always the black sheep, and as an adult, that hasn’t changed. But I’d say shit hit the fan after I got married.

Just over a year after my wedding, I found out I was expecting, and a few months later, my mom was diagnosed with colon cancer. She and her doctors were hopeful, and she started chemo. She did one full round of chemo and a surgery, and was told that she was clear, but they wanted her to do a second round of chemo to lower the chances of recurrence.

This is when all the family issues got out of hand. Long story short, my mom started her second round of chemo, and as a result of her “bitchy behavior,” my father threatened divorce if she didn’t quit the chemo treatment. She got increasingly sicker and was put on palliative care.

I made a mistake and ended up in legal trouble while my mom was sick and needed paperwork from my probation officer to go see her. I just needed my parents to give my probation officer info about the hospice unit. My father outright refused because “What would people think?”

This prevented me from seeing her until literally the night before she died when my dad was told she had less than 24 hours. Keep in mind my mother and father refused to talk or video call until I apologized to my dad for being “disrespectful.” Ultimately, I blame my father for my mother’s death; I wholeheartedly believe if she had continued chemo, she would have been here longer.

I also blame him for taking my chance to say goodbye to her, to get closure. I tried to put it out of my mind, but after my father told me I should go die during an argument, I was done and told him without an apology he wasn’t welcome in my life. Now in the beginning, I was still speaking to my family minus dad, until my grandmother, aunt, and sister blindsided me.

After telling me he wouldn’t be there, they invited him and his then-girlfriend for Christmas. I lost it and cut everyone off except my sister and grandma because they could see how hurt I was and genuinely apologized. To this day, I’m still NC with my dad, brother, and extended family, and LC with my grandma and sister.

ETA: My grandmother, mom’s mom, by the way, is now being vindictive about comments about “fixing things with the family.” She even had the nerve to call me and invite me over for Christmas, with the caveat that my father will be there, and I need to “act like an adult and just get along.” Keep in mind I’ve had multiple conversations with her about my boundaries.

She knows why I’m uncomfortable but won’t drop it. It’s always “family first,” “blood is thicker than water” lines. She is also very much aware of what my father has done, just refuses to cut him off, and says that “family comes first; you don’t abandon your family.”

ETA: I didn’t commit a felony or anything; I lied to a police officer, which gained me a mischief charge. I made one stupid mistake and paid my price for it. I ended up receiving 2 months of house arrest and a year of probation.

ETA: In the eyes of my siblings, my father can do no wrong. My sister was very sick as a kid, and so she was the golden child, and my brother was “the baby,” always getting away with everything. I knew my place, and even though my husband has been trying for years to get me to walk away and go NC, I wasn’t willing to do it because after years of parentification, I felt like I had to take care of my siblings.

There was almost a feeling of obligation to help protect/save everybody. But after getting therapy, I’m realizing that the crap I went through wasn’t my fault, and I needed to take care of myself. It’s hard to completely walk away, but I’m at my wits’ end.

So, WIBTAH for going no contact after set boundaries were trampled?

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments reveal a strong consensus around the idea that cutting contact with toxic family members is necessary for personal well-being. Users emphasize that the lack of respect for boundaries and feelings from the family justifies this decision, with many sharing personal experiences of improved mental health after distancing themselves. Overall, the majority opinion advocates for prioritizing one’s mental health over familial ties when those ties are harmful.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving Family Conflict

Family conflicts, especially those rooted in deep emotional pain, can be incredibly challenging to navigate. It’s essential to approach these situations with empathy and a focus on personal well-being. Here are some practical steps for both the narrator and her family members to consider in resolving their conflict:

For the Narrator

Reflect on Your Feelings: Take time to process your emotions regarding your father’s actions and the impact they had on your relationship with your mother. Journaling or discussing these feelings with a therapist can provide clarity.
Set Clear Boundaries: Continue to maintain your boundaries with family members who do not respect your needs. Communicate these boundaries clearly and assertively to avoid misunderstandings.
Consider Gradual Reconciliation: If you feel ready, consider reaching out to family members who have shown understanding and remorse. This could be a way to rebuild connections without compromising your well-being.
Focus on Self-Care: Prioritize your mental health through self-care practices. Engage in activities that bring you joy and peace, whether it’s spending time with friends, pursuing hobbies, or practicing mindfulness.
Seek Professional Guidance: Continue therapy or counseling to navigate your feelings and develop coping strategies for dealing with family dynamics.

For the Family Members

Practice Empathy: Acknowledge the narrator’s pain and the reasons behind her decision to cut contact. Understanding her perspective can foster compassion and open the door for dialogue.
Respect Boundaries: If the narrator has expressed a desire for no contact, it’s crucial for family members to respect that decision. Pushing for reconciliation before she is ready can cause further harm.
Open Communication: If appropriate, family members should express their feelings and regrets without placing blame. This can create a safe space for the narrator to share her thoughts when she feels ready.
Encourage Professional Help: Family members should consider seeking their own counseling to address their feelings about the situation and learn healthier communication strategies.
Be Patient: Healing takes time. Family members should be prepared for a gradual process and remain supportive, even if it means giving the narrator space for an extended period.

Conclusion

Family conflicts can be painful and complex, but prioritizing mental health and well-being is essential. By taking thoughtful steps towards understanding and healing, both the narrator and her family can work towards a healthier dynamic, whether that involves reconciliation or maintaining boundaries.