WIBTAH For Ghosting My Ex Wife?

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When the Past Comes Knocking: A Heartfelt Dilemma

After a painful divorce from his high school sweetheart, a man finds himself face-to-face with her years later, igniting a whirlwind of emotions and memories. As he navigates the complexities of their shared history, he grapples with the idea of meeting her again, spurred on by family pressure and a desire for closure. This relatable tale touches on themes of heartbreak, personal growth, and the struggle to reconcile past relationships with present realities, resonating with anyone who’s faced the bittersweet nature of love and loss. Will he confront the ghosts of his past, or choose to move forward without looking back?

Family Drama and Wedding Tension: A Complex Reunion

In a small town, a man named 32M found himself facing unexpected family drama when he encountered his ex-wife, Sarah, 30F, after years of separation. Their story is one of love, betrayal, and the complexities of moving on.

Background:
- 32M and Sarah met in grade school and eventually married at 23 and 21, respectively.
- While Sarah completed her degree, 32M worked hard to support them both.
- After two years of marriage, Sarah revealed she was having an affair with a coworker.
Divorce:
- Sarah moved in with her affair partner immediately after confessing.
- The divorce process was quick and amicable, with Sarah taking little from the marriage.
- 32M was devastated but sought therapy and focused on self-improvement.
Life After Divorce:
- 32M found success in his career, traveling for work and getting into great shape.
- He began to build new relationships and moved on from the heartbreak.
Unexpected Encounter:
- During a visit home for Thanksgiving, 32M ran into Sarah at a local drug store.
- Sarah, now married to her affair partner, approached him to apologize for her past actions.
- 32M felt conflicted but maintained his composure, expressing disinterest in meeting again.
Family Pressure:
- 32M’s family had kept up with Sarah’s life and encouraged him to hear her out.
- His mother and sister believed it would ease tensions between their families.
- 32M’s brother found the situation amusing but suggested he consider the family dynamics.
Internal Conflict:
- 32M felt he had moved on and was in a better place than when he was with Sarah.
- He questioned whether meeting her would bring closure or just reopen old wounds.
- Despite his curiosity about Sarah’s life post-divorce, he was wary of her intentions.

As 32M weighed his options, he grappled with the idea of meeting Sarah. He recognized that while he had grown and changed, the past still lingered. The potential for conflict resolution was there, but so was the risk of reigniting old feelings. Ultimately, he sought advice on whether to engage with his ex-wife or to maintain his distance for his own peace of mind.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

I know you’re gonna say it’s fake and that you saw this Hallmark Christmas movie, and I’m right there with you. Honestly, I wouldn’t believe it either if it didn’t happen to me. So, if you can’t believe it, then just pretend and give me advice anyway like I’m a real person. Because I am.

I, 32M, met Sarah, 30F, in grade school in our small town. She was my first everything—girlfriend, love, and eventually wife. We both went to college together, and after I graduated, we got married when I was 23, and she was 21.

Sarah was still finishing her degree, and I worked hard to support both of us while she completed her studies. When she got her first job, I was so proud of her. It felt like all our sacrifices and hard work were paying off, and I thought we were on our way to building a life together.

For two years, everything seemed fine—or at least, I thought so. Then one day, I came home from work and found her packing a bag. She sat me down and told me she had been having an affair with a coworker.

I was completely oblivious. She was crying and apologetic. She said she loved me, but she was “in love” with the coworker, and they had this chemistry and a deep connection, and that she never felt this level of excitement and attachment with me.

At the same time, she seemed to be really apologetic and acted very guilty. She moved in with the coworker that night. Sarah made the divorce as quick and easy as possible.

She didn’t contest anything and took almost nothing. In the state we lived in, you can get a divorce in 10 days if there aren’t any children involved. We filed the papers ourselves; no lawyer—we couldn’t afford one.

After it was final, she asked if we could be friends, and I’m ashamed to say that I just broke down and sobbed like a baby in front of her, said nothing, and left. At that point, she was 23, and I was 25. A couple of years later, in early 2020, while riding out Covid in my hometown, my mom casually mentioned that Sarah had married the guy she left me for.

Apparently, Sarah’s parents and mine had talked about it since they’re longtime friends, and Sarah’s parents were hesitant about the marriage but supported her. Hearing that stung. I had done everything I could to move on, but knowing she had married her affair partner felt like reopening the wound.

I told my mom, as kindly as I could, that I didn’t want to hear about Sarah anymore. She understood and never brought her up again. I was broken and depressed at first, but I went to see a therapist and got on some meds.

I got some certifications, and through a friend from college, I got an interview with a global consulting company. My friend was married and couldn’t do the amount of travel that the job required, so he pushed hard for me for the position. I started traveling around the world and pretty much worked all the time at first.

On any given day, I was either in the gym, working, or having a virtual therapy session at 3 AM. I was a dull boy. I got into incredible shape thanks to lifting and running.

Eventually, I got a long-term project in Romania and was able to meet and have relationships with women. Fast forward a few years. Recently, I had a few weeks of vacation saved up, and I wanted to spend Christmas in Reykjavik, Iceland.

I went to my parents’ place in my hometown for Thanksgiving with my sister and brother. Last Thursday, I was at the local independent drug store in what passes for “downtown” in my hometown. It has a lunch counter like an old-fashioned drug store.

I got a cup of coffee and sat down at the counter drinking it when Sarah sat down beside me and said hello. She was super nervous and red in the face. I was shocked and just sat there looking at her.

I was exploding inside, but I kept my cool outwardly. She was still beautiful. She was actually very fit herself and had lost her baby face and became maybe even more beautiful.

She started off by apologizing for the way she ended our marriage. I told her she already apologized like 100 times when she dumped me, but she insisted that she was young and stupid, and over time she realized how much she had hurt me. She wanted to meet me later in a less crowded spot with fewer “spies”—small town, remember?

I shook my head no and told her frankly that I didn’t see what I could possibly get out of meeting with her again. That kind of took the wind out of her sails, and she kind of deflated. She admitted that it was probably more for her than for me.

She said that I’d get closure not only for how she ended things but for the kind of person she was back then. She wanted to tell me about how she’d changed and what she’d learned about herself and what real love is. She wanted me to see that the person she became is someone that I could respect and maybe be friends with again.

I wanted to get the hell out of there, so I just told her I’d think about it. She gave me her number, and I went home. Apparently, my mother and sister had already heard about it from Sarah’s mom.

So I’m a big dumb victim of some kind of big dumb Hallmark Christmas movie hit job. My sister, 29F, and mom, 55F, told me that they kept up with Sarah since our divorce and they know that she’s changed and that I should hear her out. My dad, 56M, just shook his head and walked off.

My brother, 22M, thought all of this was hilarious. I asked if he wanted to chime in, and he just shrugged his shoulders and said that since Sarah and I knew each other from when we were kids, I should at least hear her out just to keep the peace between our families since we live in a small town.

Personally, I do think that her family would feel insulted if I didn’t at least talk with her. I know for a fact that she’s living with her parents now, so it seems like her life completely sh!t the bed. I’d kind of like to get the gory details as maybe a form of schadenfreude, but it’s all behind me now, and I think it would all just make me sad.

I guess I’m a better man now that I’m more mature, more wealthy, and fitter than I was when I was with her, but I’m still the same guy that she didn’t have chemistry or connection with back in the day. So I think whatever comes out of her mouth would be bullsh!t. I think she’s probably a dragon cosplaying

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the original poster (OP) should not engage with his ex, Sarah, as it would only reopen old wounds and serve her interests rather than his. Many users emphasize that OP has moved on and should prioritize his own well-being over the expectations of his family, who seem to be pushing for a reconciliation. The overall sentiment is that OP owes Sarah nothing, and he should firmly decline any attempts to reconnect.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

In navigating the complexities of past relationships, especially when family dynamics are involved, it’s essential to approach the situation with care and self-awareness. Here are practical steps for both 32M and his family to consider:

For 32M: Prioritizing Your Well-Being

Reflect on Your Feelings: Take time to assess your emotions regarding Sarah’s apology. Acknowledge any lingering feelings but recognize your growth since the divorce.
Set Boundaries: Clearly communicate to your family that while you appreciate their concern, your decision regarding Sarah is personal. It’s okay to prioritize your mental health over family expectations.
Consider Closure: If you feel that meeting Sarah could provide closure, approach it with caution. Set clear intentions for the meeting and be prepared for various outcomes.
Seek Support: Talk to a trusted friend or therapist about your feelings. They can provide an outside perspective and help you process your thoughts.
Trust Your Instincts: Ultimately, listen to your gut. If you feel that meeting Sarah would be detrimental to your well-being, it’s perfectly acceptable to decline.

For the Family: Understanding and Support

Listen to 32M: Encourage open dialogue with him about his feelings regarding Sarah. Validate his emotions and avoid pressuring him to reconnect.
Respect His Decision: Understand that 32M’s journey is unique. Support his choice, whether it’s to meet Sarah or to maintain distance.
Focus on Family Dynamics: If family tensions are a concern, consider discussing them openly without placing the burden on 32M. Explore ways to ease tensions that don’t involve his past relationship.
Encourage Healing: Promote activities that foster family bonding and healing, such as family gatherings or outings that don’t involve Sarah.
Be Patient: Recognize that healing from past relationships takes time. Allow 32M the space he needs to navigate his feelings without added pressure.

Ultimately, the goal is to foster understanding and support while prioritizing individual well-being. By taking these steps, both 32M and his family can navigate this complex situation with empathy and respect.