WIBTA If I Slowly Started Cutting Out Our Families?

WIBTA if I slowly started cutting out our families?

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Feeling Invisible: A New Parent’s Struggle for Family Support

In a heartfelt exploration of familial bonds, a new mother grapples with the stark reality of her family’s indifference towards her growing family. Despite being financially stable, she finds herself yearning for emotional support and connection, especially as she prepares for the arrival of her second child. With a lack of involvement from grandparents and relatives, she questions whether it’s time to step back from trying to maintain these relationships altogether. This relatable dilemma resonates with many parents who have faced similar feelings of isolation and disappointment in their own families.

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This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

ETA we can afford food, haha. A meal train for new parents is about them not having to meal prep. We are financially stable and don’t rely on others for any financial assistance.

Background

My husband and I have a one-year-old. We are expecting another. So far, the majority of our families who are local to us have been involved as little as possible.

The grandparents are semi-involved. When I’ve had appointments, I just couldn’t take my child, so the grandma watched them. But other than that, there have only been sporadic visits.

They never ask to see their grandchild. We only see them if I reach out and make plans. The aunts and uncles have not been involved at all.

They attended the first birthday, but that is it. One lives 5 minutes away but ignores us when we try to make plans. One grandfather is mad about the newest addition’s name and has basically ignored the pregnancy since we announced the name.

With our first, he would ask about his grandbaby specifically, but now he doesn’t seem to care about the new one since the name issue. Honestly, I’m over it. With our first, we received ZERO help outside of our church doing a meal train for us.

That was such a lifesaver, and I will forever be grateful. No one else offered food, help, or even called or texted to check on us. I don’t expect people to come wait on me hand and foot, but checking in would be nice.

A family member who lives 7 HOURS away was so surprised at how little support we have that they have offered to come down for this birth and help out. Our only other plan was to have my oldest in the room during labor, and when delivery came, either go to the nurses’ station or have a friend drive them around to nap. I’m so over it.

None of the other kids’ parents are treated this way. We aren’t mean people. When we are face to face, everyone is pleasant, and we can chat and joke; they just seem to not care about our kids at all.

I’m debating on just phasing everyone out, grandparents included. I’m exhausted trying to form relationships, especially when no one seems to care. I’ve debated making another Facebook account without any of the family on it so they don’t see updated pictures of our kids.

But I don’t want drama; I just get sick of the comments about loving my kids when you never see them. WIBTA if I just stopped reaching out, inviting them, and attending mutual events, even going so far as to create different social media for people who actually see our kids?

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus around the idea of establishing boundaries with family members who show little interest in maintaining a relationship. Users suggest that while it’s not necessary to actively cut ties, one should stop making an effort if the other party is unresponsive, emphasizing the importance of focusing on personal well-being. Many commenters resonate with the notion of mutual effort in relationships, advocating for a calm and honest approach when addressing the situation.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving Family Conflict

Family dynamics can be challenging, especially when it feels like the effort to maintain relationships is one-sided. Here are some practical steps to help navigate this situation while prioritizing your well-being and fostering healthier interactions.

For the Individual Feeling Unappreciated

Reflect on Your Needs: Take time to consider what you want from your family relationships. Are you seeking more communication, support, or understanding?
Set Boundaries: Clearly define what you are comfortable with in terms of interaction. This could mean limiting contact or being selective about when you reach out.
Communicate Openly: If you feel comfortable, express your feelings to your family members. Use “I” statements to convey how their lack of response affects you, such as “I feel hurt when I don’t hear back from you.”
Focus on Yourself: Invest time in activities and relationships that bring you joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with supportive friends and engage in hobbies that uplift you.
Be Prepared for Different Outcomes: Understand that your family may not respond as you hope. Be ready to accept their reaction, whether it’s positive, negative, or indifferent.

For Family Members Who May Be Unresponsive

Self-Reflection: Consider why you may not be engaging with family members. Are there underlying issues or misunderstandings that need addressing?
Open the Lines of Communication: If you recognize that someone is reaching out, take the initiative to respond. A simple acknowledgment can go a long way in rebuilding connections.
Express Your Feelings: If you’re feeling overwhelmed or unsure about how to engage, communicate this to your family. Honesty can help clarify intentions and expectations.
Make an Effort: Even small gestures, like sending a text or making a phone call, can show that you care. Consistency in communication can help mend relationships over time.
Be Open to Change: Relationships evolve, and it’s important to be adaptable. Be willing to reassess your approach and make adjustments as needed.

Conclusion

Ultimately, healthy relationships require mutual effort and understanding. By setting boundaries and communicating openly, both sides can work towards a more fulfilling connection, or at the very least, find peace in their individual choices. Remember, prioritizing your well-being is essential, and it’s okay to step back if a relationship is consistently one-sided.