WIBTA If I Informed My Soon To Be Brother In-law That His Wife Is Infertile?

WIBTA if I informed my soon to be brother in-law that his wife is infertile?

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Family Secrets and Tough Choices: A Dilemma Unfolds

When a woman learns she may struggle to conceive, the emotional fallout ripples through her family, especially as her fiancé dreams of a large family. Caught in the middle is her brother-in-law, who grapples with whether to reveal this sensitive information to the man who might walk away if he learns the truth. This story raises thought-provoking questions about honesty, loyalty, and the pressures of family expectations, making it relatable to anyone navigating complex relationships and societal norms around parenthood in the U.S.

Family Drama Surrounding Sister-in-Law’s Fertility Issues

A complex family situation has arisen involving my wife’s sister, who we’ll refer to as SIL, and her fiancé, Bob. The couple is preparing for their upcoming wedding, but underlying tensions and unresolved issues complicate matters. Here’s a breakdown of the situation:

SIL’s Health Concerns: SIL, 25, recently discovered she has a low egg count and may face complications if she tries to conceive. This revelation has left her feeling conflicted, as she previously expressed a desire not to have children.
Bob’s Expectations: Bob, 26, has a strong desire for multiple children, stemming from his upbringing in a large family. He has made it clear that he expects SIL to carry their children, dismissing options like adoption or surrogacy.
Family Dynamics: My relationship with SIL is strained, and while my in-laws are aware of the tension, they still support her. They often make light-hearted comments about Bob being the only one who tolerates her behavior.
Pressure to Have Children: My wife and I have chosen not to have kids, which has led to ongoing pressure from family members. In contrast, SIL has reluctantly agreed to have one child for Bob, despite his desire for more.
Communication Breakdown: My wife has advised SIL to be honest with Bob about her fertility issues, but SIL is hesitant, fearing his reaction and the potential impact on their relationship.

As the wedding approaches, the situation remains unresolved. My wife and I are the only ones aware of SIL’s fertility challenges, and there is a sense of unease about whether to inform Bob. The family has a history of avoiding difficult conversations, which adds to the tension.

Conflict Resolution Considerations

Ethical Dilemma: I find myself torn between the desire to protect Bob from potential heartbreak and the belief that SIL should disclose her situation. The question arises: would I be the antagonist if I chose to inform him?
Potential Consequences: If I reveal SIL’s condition, it could lead to significant conflict within the family, especially given the existing tensions. However, remaining silent may allow the situation to fester, leading to future complications.
Family Dynamics: The family has a history of avoiding confrontation, which may contribute to a high divorce rate. This raises concerns about the long-term implications of keeping such a significant secret.

As the holidays approach, I anticipate that family gatherings may bring further revelations or discussions about the situation. For now, I have chosen to remain silent, but the weight of this secret continues to linger. The outcome of this family drama remains uncertain, and I am left wondering how it will unfold in the coming months.

This is Original story from Reddit

Story

Not my sister, but my wife’s sister F25 has revealed that she has a very low egg count and might have complications if she were to get pregnant. She is engaged to a guy we’ll call Bob M26. They’ve been together for 3 years and decided to get married in this upcoming year.

Here are just a few details to get perspective on a couple of things going on. My sister-in-law and I do not get along at all. It’s not a secret that we don’t either; my in-laws understand where I come from and where she comes from, but ultimately it’s their daughter, so I understand.

My wife and I plan on not having kids. We constantly get badgered by family to have kids, but we’re just a couple focused on us and our careers. When they ask my sister-in-law and her fiancé, she begrudgingly tells them she’ll have one for him and that’s it.

Bob, on the other hand, wants multiple children. Growing up on a farm near a small town with a large family, I understand where he’s coming from. On top of all of this, when we would joke about opting for adoptions or surrogacy, he would stone cold say that she is responsible for carrying their children—no adoption, no surrogacy.

My in-laws like Bob but like to throw tongue-in-cheek comments that if it wasn’t him, no one would tolerate my sister-in-law. So we get to a few months back; she goes for her check-up, and sure enough, she has a low egg count and a high chance of not being able to carry to full term. She’s in a mix of emotions.

On one hand, she didn’t really want kids, and now she might not even be able to have them. On the other hand, she knows there’s a chance Bob might leave her if she can’t have kids. It’s a tough situation, but it’s his choice.

My wife has told her she should come clean with him and bite the bullet since they’re getting married next year, but she’s too scared and relieved about not having kids. We’re pretty sure my wife and, by proxy, I are the only ones who are aware of the situation, though I wouldn’t be surprised if my in-laws are light joking about it, fearing that they don’t want to tell him in case he’ll leave her.

On top of the thousands of dollars and the trip they had to cancel to help support their wedding, WIBTA if I let Bob know that his wife is hiding this from him, or should I leave it be and whatever happens… happens?

UPDATE

Clearly, I need to rephrase infertility to lowered chance of having kids. The MIL had problems carrying and had multiple stillborns until she had her 3 children. I am aware that miracles happen, and they can happen multiple times.

So now that I’ve explained to the whopping 80 of you who happily pointed out I know nothing about infertility, let’s go over a couple of other things. She wanted 0 kids until caving. Their choice.

The possibility of kids is not 0, just highly unlikely or with some bumps along the road. The egg test I don’t understand either, but my sister-in-law is a habitual liar. She’s been called out on it before multiple times, but everyone is so tired of it they just roll their eyes and say whatever, you do you.

It’s like the boy who cried wolf with her, so everything said is taken with a large grain of salt. This being something quite serious that could be make or break for them, I am giving it the benefit of the doubt that there’s no lying. The verdict is just to keep my mouth shut about it, which is what I’ve been doing for the past 5 months.

So I’m looking forward to my 6-month badge and so on and so forth. Christmas is right around the corner, so I’ll post if someone has had too much eggnog and spills the beans. Believe what you will; I’m hoping it’s not me and it’s the Grandma, but she would have rung her ass out already if she knew or someone else.

I’m done trying to respond to everyone. Sadly, this won’t have an update until either the new year or after the wedding, or potentially years later. This will be the slowest slow burn to a conclusion that could ever happen.

I’m sure if there are complications, the doctor will repeat what they’ve said to her before in front of him, or she’ll drag out the lie further, which is a play we’ve all seen. I guess with a whopping 95 of you saying don’t say a peep, I wonder why in North America we have a high divorce rate…

Looking forward to the repost on AITD. Happy Holidays and until next time?

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the original poster (OP) is in the wrong for considering disclosing sensitive medical information about his sister-in-law (SIL) to her husband. Many users emphasize that the OP’s actions could irreparably damage his marriage and relationships, highlighting that a low egg count does not equate to infertility and that the OP’s motives appear to stem from personal animosity towards the SIL.

Most users agree that the OP should not interfere in the SIL’s personal matters.
There is a clear sentiment that the OP’s actions could lead to significant negative consequences for his wife and their family dynamics.

Verdict: YTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

Family dynamics can be incredibly complex, especially when sensitive issues like fertility are involved. It’s important to approach this situation with empathy and care for all parties involved. Here are some practical steps to consider for resolving the conflict:

For the Original Poster (OP)

Reflect on Your Motives: Take a moment to consider why you feel compelled to disclose SIL’s fertility issues to Bob. Is it genuinely for his benefit, or is it influenced by your strained relationship with SIL? Understanding your motivations can help clarify your next steps.
Encourage Open Communication: Instead of taking matters into your own hands, encourage SIL to have an honest conversation with Bob. Offer your support and help her prepare for this discussion, emphasizing the importance of transparency in their relationship.
Respect Boundaries: Recognize that SIL’s medical information is her private matter. It’s crucial to respect her autonomy and decision-making regarding when and how to share her situation with Bob.
Focus on Your Relationship: Prioritize your relationship with your wife. Discuss your feelings and concerns with her, ensuring that you both are on the same page about how to handle the situation without causing further strain on your marriage.

For Sister-in-Law (SIL)

Consider Professional Guidance: It may be beneficial for SIL to speak with a therapist or counselor who specializes in family dynamics and fertility issues. This can provide her with tools to navigate her feelings and the conversation with Bob.
Prepare for the Conversation: Encourage SIL to think about how she wants to approach the topic with Bob. She should consider his feelings and expectations while also being honest about her own desires and health concerns.
Set Boundaries: SIL should feel empowered to set boundaries regarding her fertility journey. If she feels pressured by Bob or family members, she needs to communicate her limits clearly.

For Bob

Be Open to Dialogue: If SIL decides to share her fertility issues, Bob should approach the conversation with an open mind. Understanding her perspective and feelings is crucial for their relationship.
Consider Alternatives: Bob may need to reflect on his expectations regarding children. Exploring options like adoption or surrogacy could help him align his desires with SIL’s health realities.

For the Family

Encourage Healthy Communication: The family should work towards fostering an environment where difficult conversations can happen without fear of judgment or conflict. This may involve family meetings or discussions facilitated by a neutral party.
Support Each Other: Family members should support SIL and Bob in their journey, regardless of the decisions they make. Offering emotional support can help alleviate some of the pressure they may feel.

Ultimately, navigating this situation requires sensitivity and understanding from all parties involved. By fostering open communication and respecting each individual’s choices, the family can work towards a resolution that honors everyone’s feelings and needs.