WIBTA If I Don’t Go To My Childhood Friend’s Wedding After She Asked Me To Wear A Chest Binder Under My Bridesmaid Dress?

WIBTA if I don’t go to my childhood friend’s wedding after she asked me to wear a chest binder under my bridesmaid dress?

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Bridesmaid Dilemma: A Struggle with Insecurities

When Cici, a long-lost friend, asked her to be a bridesmaid, the excitement quickly turned into a whirlwind of insecurities and dress drama. As the wedding approached, Cici’s struggles with her own self-image led to an uncomfortable request for her friend to wear a chest binder, pushing the boundaries of friendship and personal comfort. With the wedding just around the corner and no response from Cici, the bridesmaid faces a tough decision: attend in a dress that may upset the bride or skip the event altogether. This relatable tale highlights the complexities of friendships, body image, and the pressures of wedding expectations, resonating with anyone who’s navigated the tricky waters of social obligations.

Bridesmaid Dilemma: Navigating Wedding Tension

A friend, Cici (31F), reached out to me (31F) to ask if I would be a bridesmaid at her upcoming wedding. Although we had lost touch over the years, I was honored to accept her invitation. Here’s a summary of the family drama and conflict resolution that unfolded:

Bridesmaid Invitation: Cici sent me a link to several bridesmaid dresses, requesting that we all wear the same color but allowing us to choose our own designs.
Initial Dress Selection: I chose a dress similar to those she suggested, but during a fitting at her engagement party, she expressed dissatisfaction with my choice.
Dress Replacement: Feeling terrible, I agreed to return the dress and select another one based on her recommendations.
Second Fitting: At a later gathering, Cici again seemed unhappy with my dress, stating that the issue was not the dress itself but how I wore it.
Vulnerability and Insecurity: After a few drinks, Cici confided in me about her insecurities regarding her wedding gown, revealing that she felt less attractive compared to me.
Supportive Response: I reassured her of her beauty and offered to wear any dress she chose, even a turtleneck, to help alleviate her concerns.
Unexpected Request: The next day, Cici sent me a link to a chest binder, asking me to wear it to make her feel more secure. Although I had experience with shapewear, I underestimated the discomfort it would cause.
Physical Discomfort: After trying on the binder, I found it unbearable, especially since I am three months pregnant and already experiencing discomfort.
Communication Breakdown: I informed Cici that I could not wear the binder but was willing to choose another dress. Unfortunately, she did not respond.
Final Decision: After several days without communication, I texted her again, stating that I would not attend the wedding if she did not approve one of the dresses without the binder.

As the wedding date approached, I faced a dilemma:

To Attend or Not: My husband suggested that I skip the wedding altogether, but I worried about the impact of my absence on Cici’s special day.
Potential Outcomes: I considered that showing up in a dress she disliked could also ruin her day.

With the wedding just a week away, I sought advice from the community. Many encouraged me to prioritize my well-being and communicate my side of the story. I decided to reach out to the Maid of Honor and another mutual friend to explain the situation and offer one of the dresses as a wedding gift.

Ultimately, I realized that the friendship had already changed significantly after years of distance. While it was disappointing to see our connection strained, I felt it was important to stand up for myself in this family drama.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

A friend, Cici, reached out and asked if I would be a bridesmaid at her wedding. I was honored. We had lost touch over time, but she had been a close friend of mine through school.

She sent me a link to a few of the bridesmaid dresses. She was asking the four bridesmaids to wear the same color but left the design up to us. I picked one similar to the ones she sent.

Two months ago, she had an engagement party and asked the bridesmaids to bring their dresses for a try-on. She immediately didn’t like my dress. I felt terrible because I thought it was just a slightly different design from the ones she suggested.

I told her that I would return it and get another one. She agreed to link me one. A few weeks ago, she had another get-together prior to the wedding and asked if I could bring the dress so she could see it.

When I tried the dress on, she again seemed unhappy. I didn’t know what to do—she had picked it out. I asked her if she wanted to see it with some shoes or jewelry or even a simple shawl.

She said she didn’t know and that the issue wasn’t the dress but how I wore it. A few hours later, Cici had had a few drinks and pulled me aside. She was really vulnerable and said she felt insecure and didn’t like how she looked in her wedding gown.

She said that I looked good in both dresses, but she was struggling because when we were in school, she had always been the pretty friend. But she also said she knew it was a mean way to feel, but she couldn’t help it. To be clear, I’m perfectly average at best.

I told her she was beautiful and that she could pick out any dress for me, even a turtleneck if she wanted, and I would happily wear it. She appreciated that and said she would send something. We hugged, and I left feeling pretty good about it all.

The next day, she sent me a link to a chest binder. I knew what they were but had never worn one. She asked if I would wear it and that it would make her feel less insecure.

I have worn my fair share of shapewear, so I figured it would be fine. I WAS WRONG! After squeezing my DDs into it, I was in tears.

My boobs hurt! I’m three months pregnant, and my boobs hurt all the time anyway, but this was unbearable! I sent her a message telling her I couldn’t wear the binder but was willing to get any last dress for the wedding.

No response. A few days passed, and I texted her telling her that she needed to either approve one of the other dresses sans binder or I just won’t attend the wedding. That was two weeks ago, and she still hasn’t responded to me.

My husband is encouraging me to just not go at all. I think he is right, but I am a bridesmaid! I feel like I could be ruining her whole wedding if I just don’t show up. But if I show up in a dress she doesn’t like, that could also ruin the day for her.

Her wedding is next Saturday. Would I be the AH if I go in the second dress? Or more of an AH to skip it altogether?

Update

Thank you, everyone, for your kind words and advice. Prior to posting this, I was really considering just slinking off into the night. But you are all right; if she won’t respond, the least I should do for myself is make sure my side of the story is the first one told.

I am going to do what many of you have suggested and reach out to the Maid of Honor and the other bridesmaid that is our mutual friend. I’m going to ask if they can get in touch with her and tell them I am not going.

I’ll include screenshots of our last several messages and explain the situation as best I can. I live in another state about two hours away, so I don’t see most of them anymore anyway. I will offer to give her one of the dresses I bought so she can give it to another bridesmaid and keep the groom’s bridal sides even.

We’ll call it her wedding gift. The second one—the one she picked—has this weird crumpling texture on one side that made me look lopsided anyway. But I’ll keep the first one; it is kind of cute.

We hadn’t spoken in over a decade before this, so it’s not a hard cord to cut. It kind of sucks to have tainted a friendship that, at least at the time, did something positive in my life. Thank you all again.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the original poster (OP) is not at fault (NTA) for refusing to wear a chest binder to a wedding, as it poses discomfort and potential harm, especially during pregnancy. Many users emphasize that the bride’s request stems from her own insecurities rather than any reasonable expectation, and they suggest that OP should prioritize her well-being over the bride’s demands. Overall, the comments reflect a belief that OP has been more than accommodating and should not feel guilty about stepping back from the wedding.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

Conflict in friendships, especially during significant life events like weddings, can be challenging. Here are some practical steps to help both parties navigate this situation with empathy and understanding:

For the Original Poster (OP)

Prioritize Your Well-Being: Remember that your health and comfort, especially during pregnancy, should come first. It’s essential to communicate your boundaries clearly.
Open Communication: Reach out to Cici again, expressing your feelings and concerns. Use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory, such as “I feel uncomfortable wearing the binder due to my pregnancy.” This can help her understand your perspective better.
Offer Alternatives: Suggest other ways you can support her on her special day. For example, you could offer to help with wedding preparations or be there for her emotionally, even if you can’t be a bridesmaid.
Consider Your Attendance: If you decide not to attend, communicate this to Cici gently. Let her know that your absence is not a reflection of your feelings for her but rather a decision based on your comfort and well-being.

For Cici (the Bride)

Reflect on Your Insecurities: Take time to understand why you feel insecure about your wedding day. Acknowledge that these feelings are valid but should not be projected onto your friends.
Practice Empathy: Try to see the situation from OP’s perspective. Understand that her discomfort with the binder is not a rejection of your friendship but a personal health concern.
Communicate Openly: If you feel hurt or disappointed, express those feelings to OP without placing blame. Use this as an opportunity to strengthen your friendship through honest dialogue.
Focus on the Celebration: Remember that the wedding is about love and celebration. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who uplift you, regardless of what they wear.

Moving Forward

Both parties should aim for a resolution that respects each other’s feelings and boundaries. Friendships can evolve, and sometimes, stepping back can lead to healthier dynamics. Whether OP attends the wedding or not, the focus should be on mutual respect and understanding.