WIBTA If I Divorce My Husband?

WIBTA if I divorce my husband?

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

When Appreciation Turns to Dismissal: A Struggling Marriage

In a marriage where one partner feels undervalued and belittled, a woman grapples with her husband’s dismissive attitude towards her hard-earned degrees and career choices. Despite bringing in a substantial income and juggling family responsibilities, her husband’s belief that college degrees are worthless creates a rift that threatens their relationship. As she confronts the implications of his mindset, particularly regarding their child’s medical needs, she questions whether staying in this marriage is worth the emotional toll. This story resonates with many who have faced similar struggles of validation and respect in their relationships, especially in a society that often equates worth with education and professional success.

Family Drama Over Degrees and Value

A woman is facing significant family drama stemming from her husband’s dismissive attitude towards her educational achievements and career. The conflict has escalated, particularly in light of their differing views on the value of college degrees.

Husband’s Attitude: The husband often makes comments that undermine his wife’s accomplishments, suggesting that her degrees are worthless. He believes that practical experience is more valuable than formal education.
Wife’s Background: The wife holds a bachelor’s and an associate’s degree and is one semester away from completing her master’s degree. She transitioned from the medical field to education to better accommodate her children’s needs.
Financial Contributions: Despite her husband’s high salary of nearly $70,000, the wife contributes significantly to the household income, bringing in $4,000 a month through her educational career.
Childcare Challenges: The couple faces challenges with childcare, as their children are too old for daycare but too young to stay home alone. The wife’s flexible schedule allows her to manage her work around her children’s needs.

The conflict intensified when the wife expressed concern over her oldest daughter’s medical care. The child’s father was denying necessary treatment based on his personal beliefs, despite lacking medical knowledge. The wife argued that without a medical degree, he should not make such decisions. This led to her husband’s dismissive comments about the value of degrees.

Wife’s Response: In response to her husband’s claims, the wife pointed out the absurdity of his stance by suggesting that anyone could perform medical procedures without training, highlighting the importance of education in critical fields.
Financial Independence: The wife has been successful in securing scholarships that exceed her educational expenses, bringing in additional funds each semester. This newfound financial independence has prompted her husband to reconsider his stance, as he now expresses concern about her quitting her job.

The wife is now contemplating whether she would be the antagonist if she decided to divorce her husband. She feels that he is using her financial contributions while simultaneously devaluing her accomplishments. The ongoing tension surrounding their differing views on education and career has created a significant rift in their relationship.

Conflict Resolution: The couple’s inability to find common ground on the value of education and the wife’s contributions to the family may lead to further conflict if not addressed.
Future Considerations: The wife is weighing her options, considering the impact of her husband’s attitude on her self-worth and the overall family dynamic.

In summary, the wife’s struggle with her husband’s dismissive attitude towards her education and career has led to significant family drama. As she navigates this conflict, she must decide whether to continue in a relationship where her accomplishments are undervalued.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

I’ll try to condense as much as possible.

My husband is great about a lot of things but never appreciates me. Nothing is ever good enough. He thinks he says things in harmless or joking ways, but even the little things add up, like, “Next time you make that recipe, you should…” Translation: he didn’t like it, and it’s literally everything.

He doesn’t help clean the house, but the house isn’t clean enough, so on and so forth. Long story short on his job—he has the kind that you don’t need a degree for, and you can work your way up because experience gives you more knowledge about the processes than book learning. He makes almost 70k a year.

He’s as high up as he can go for now. Any higher gets into the management and business side of things, which needs a degree. The guys that have those degrees and positions have never done the grunt work, so they make crappy decisions that he always has to fix.

But they make him feel stupid and treat people without degrees like they are worthless. He has this warped mindset as a result that he knows more than people who went to college and that degrees mean nothing, but that applies to any and every job field out there. I was in the medical field when we met, but the schedule was never conducive to my oldest daughter’s needs.

When we got married and had another child, I left to do education instead. Today, he told me college degrees are worthless. My degrees mean nothing.

I have a bachelor’s and an associate’s and am one semester away from having a master’s. He doesn’t mind the 4K a month I bring in as opposed to making minimum wage somewhere with a schedule that doesn’t work with kids, but has the nerve to tell me my degree means nothing.

To me, a degree isn’t just about knowledge. It’s about opportunity. Without that degree, I’d be struggling to work at whatever job I could find that works with my kids because we have no one for childcare, and they’re too old for daycare but too young to stay alone.

With my degree, my schedule matches theirs always. They have great insurance, which his job doesn’t give me or them, and my knowledge and experience in education give me opportunities aside from simply teaching public school. But again, he says my degrees are worthless.

This all started because my oldest daughter’s dad is trying to deny her medical care that she needs based on his opinion that nothing is wrong with her because he can’t physically see her having symptoms. The symptoms are more of the feeling type and less of the seeing type, and I made the comment that he has no medical knowledge, training, or degree to make the decision that he’s going to prevent her from getting testing and treatment for her issues.

My husband then told me he doesn’t need one because degrees mean nothing. My response was for him to let any bum on the street take out his gallbladder since anyone can do it then. He still thinks he’s right! That training and college mean nothing.

I know they’re not necessary for every job, but they do have their value in some places, whereas my daughter’s is a neurological and pulmonary issue. So, WIBTA if I divorce him for basically using me for my money while also telling me that everything I have accomplished is completely worthless?

Also adding—I apply for and get scholarships that far exceed the need of my schooling, which means I get checks between 2-5k each semester and also will be getting about 10-12k between spring and summer this year. As soon as I told him that, he’s suddenly saying, “Oh, don’t quit!” So now my degree means something?

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the husband exhibits toxic behavior, primarily stemming from his jealousy and insecurity. Many users emphasize that he undermines his wife’s accomplishments to elevate his own self-worth, suggesting that she deserves a partner who supports and uplifts her instead. The overall sentiment encourages the original poster (OP) to consider ending the marriage for her own well-being.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

Addressing the conflict between the wife and her husband requires a thoughtful approach that considers both perspectives. Here are some practical steps to help navigate this challenging situation:

For the Wife

Open Communication: Schedule a calm and private conversation with your husband. Express your feelings about his comments and how they affect your self-worth. Use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory, such as “I feel undervalued when my education is dismissed.”
Seek Understanding: Try to understand your husband’s perspective. Ask him about his views on education and why he feels that way. This can help you both find common ground.
Highlight Your Contributions: Remind him of the financial and emotional contributions you make to the family. Discuss how your education and career choices benefit the family, especially in terms of flexibility and financial stability.
Set Boundaries: If his dismissive comments continue, establish clear boundaries. Let him know that undermining your achievements is unacceptable and that you need his support.
Consider Counseling: If communication remains difficult, consider seeking couples therapy. A neutral third party can facilitate discussions and help both of you express your feelings more effectively.

For the Husband

Reflect on Your Behavior: Take time to consider why you feel the need to undermine your wife’s accomplishments. Acknowledge any insecurities or jealousy you may have and how they impact your relationship.
Practice Empathy: Try to put yourself in your wife’s shoes. Recognize the hard work and dedication she has put into her education and career. Understand that her achievements do not diminish your own.
Support Her Goals: Encourage your wife in her educational pursuits and career. Celebrate her successes and show genuine interest in her work. This can strengthen your bond and foster a more supportive environment.
Communicate Openly: Engage in honest discussions about your feelings regarding education and career. Share your thoughts without dismissing her achievements, and be open to her perspective.
Consider Professional Help: If you find it challenging to change your mindset, consider individual counseling. A therapist can help you work through underlying issues and improve your relationship dynamics.

Moving Forward

Ultimately, both partners must be willing to engage in open dialogue and work towards mutual respect. If the conflict continues despite efforts to resolve it, the wife may need to evaluate her relationship and consider what is best for her well-being. Remember, a healthy partnership is built on support, understanding, and appreciation for each other’s contributions.