WIBTA If I Brought Food To My MILs On Christmas Since She Changed The Menu Last Minute?

WIBTA if I brought food to my MILs on Christmas since she changed the menu last minute?

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Holiday Dinner Dilemma: Navigating Family Traditions and Dietary Needs

In a heartfelt update, a woman grapples with the complexities of holiday dinners as she prepares to visit her mother-in-law, who is struggling with health issues and memory loss. With a son who has autism and her own food allergies, she faces the challenge of balancing respect for family traditions with the need for safe and enjoyable meals. As her husband steps up to support her, the couple must navigate the delicate dynamics of their relationship with his mother, all while trying to create a memorable Christmas for their son. This relatable story highlights the often unspoken struggles many families face during the holidays, making it a thought-provoking read for anyone who has dealt with similar family dynamics.

Family Drama Over Christmas Dinner Plans

In a recent family situation, a woman shared her concerns about the upcoming Christmas dinner with her mother-in-law (MIL). The dynamics of the family, particularly regarding food preferences and health issues, have led to some tension. Here’s a summary of the situation:

Background: The couple, married for almost 11 years, has a 9-year-old autistic son, who is the only grandchild of the MIL. The father-in-law (FIL) is in a care facility due to dementia.
Current Situation: The MIL is experiencing memory issues and is in the process of moving in with the couple as they buy a bigger house. This Christmas may be the last one spent at her home, as she has not visited their house in years.
Christmas Dinner Plans: The husband initially discussed Christmas dinner options with his MIL, but she later changed her mind about the menu, which poses a problem for the couple due to dietary restrictions.
Dietary Restrictions: The wife has food allergies, and their son has specific dietary needs related to his autism. The MIL’s new menu includes items that they cannot eat.
Proposed Solutions: The husband suggested visiting the MIL’s house to see if there are any suitable ingredients for them to prepare a meal. The wife proposed bringing food from home to cook alongside the MIL’s menu, as they did for Thanksgiving.
Concerns About Offending MIL: The husband is worried that the MIL may feel offended or anxious about the situation, especially since she is reluctant to acknowledge her health issues.
Wife’s Frustration: The wife expressed her desire to enjoy a meal that she and her son can eat without having to bring home leftovers that are unsuitable for them. She feels that navigating the MIL’s firm beliefs and traditions will be challenging.

The couple is now faced with a decision: should they bring their own food to the MIL’s house to ensure they have something safe to eat, or should they simply eat beforehand and try to make the best of the situation? This dilemma highlights the ongoing family drama and the need for conflict resolution in a sensitive manner.

As they prepare for the holiday, the couple must balance respect for the MIL’s traditions with their own dietary needs, all while navigating the complexities of family dynamics and health concerns.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

UPDATE

My husband decided to tell his mom that his Christmas gift to her was cooking Christmas dinner. He cooked Thanksgiving too and doesn’t have a clue what to get her anyway. She hadn’t even gone shopping yet and can’t describe what she meant by “potato casserole,” so we’re going to visit her tomorrow, go grocery shopping, and take her out for dinner since her suggestion was “squash soup that has been in the freezer for a while.”

He also decided he’s going to be researching how best to deal with her and her worsening health going forward. This is something I suggested a few months ago, but I’m just happy he’s doing it, lol.

Geez louise, it’s hard to write a good title that sums stuff up sometimes, lol.

Family Dynamics

My MIL is the only family my husband and I, both in our 30s and married for almost 11 years, have within driving distance that we are in regular communication with. We have a 9-year-old autistic son, who is her only grandchild. My FIL is in a care facility with dementia, and while she goes every day and my husband visits as often as he can, my FIL no longer recognizes me or our son, so we don’t go.

She’s experiencing memory issues of her own, and we are in the process of buying a bigger house so she can live with us. This is probably the last Christmas we spend at her house; she won’t drive out of her hometown, so she hasn’t been to our house, an hour away, in years.

Christmas Dinner Plans

My husband answered her question about what to make for Christmas dinner last week. Today, Sunday, she tells him she’s making something completely different, most of which my son and I can’t or won’t eat. I have food allergies, and he’s autistic.

My husband’s solution is to go to her house tomorrow, see if she has anything he could make us for Christmas, and just have me and my son fill up at home before we go. I suggested we bring food from home to cook alongside her menu; we brought over half the food for Thanksgiving and just cooked it at her house and explained the problem.

Concerns and Considerations

He’s worried she’ll be offended or get anxious, beating herself up for it because she refuses to admit she is showing a lot of symptoms of old age and early dementia, which also runs in her family and is something we only recently learned. I’m trying very hard to be considerate of her, but it’s difficult because she is a challenging woman to get along with.

She’s nice enough but very firm in her Christian and boomer-era traditions and beliefs. Living with her is going to be very hard on me, but I was raised to respect and take care of elders, and I’m committed to this.

Final Thoughts

But just once, during a holiday dinner with her, I’d like to be able to fill my plate with food I can eat and not have to lug home 10 Tupperware full of leftovers I still can’t eat. We usually use those leftovers to make plates for some less fortunate people we are familiar with.

So, WIBTA if I walk into her house on Wednesday with some food that is safe for my son and me and do our best to also eat what we can of her meal? Or should I just carbo-load beforehand and trudge my way through dinner, making excuses and ignoring her passive-aggressive comments?

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments reveal a strong consensus around NTA due to the importance of enjoying the holiday season and the need for mutual respect regarding dietary restrictions. Most users agree that the husband should support his wife and son in maintaining their food preferences during Christmas, emphasizing that the holiday should be enjoyable for everyone involved.

Overall Verdict

NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

Navigating family dynamics, especially during the holidays, can be challenging. Here are some practical steps to help resolve the conflict while respecting everyone’s needs and feelings:

Steps for Resolution

Open Communication:
- Schedule a calm and private conversation with the MIL to discuss the Christmas dinner plans. Approach the topic with empathy, acknowledging her feelings and traditions.
- Express your family’s dietary restrictions clearly and kindly, emphasizing the importance of having safe food options for your son and yourself.
Collaborative Menu Planning:
- Suggest a collaborative approach to the menu. Offer to help prepare dishes that accommodate everyone’s needs, including the MIL’s traditional favorites.
- Consider proposing a potluck-style dinner where each family member contributes a dish, ensuring that there are safe options for your family.
Offer to Cook Together:
- Invite the MIL to cook together at her home, bringing along safe ingredients for your family. This can create a bonding experience and allow her to feel involved in the process.
- Reassure her that this approach honors her traditions while also accommodating your family’s needs.
Set Boundaries with Compassion:
- If the MIL is resistant to change, gently but firmly set boundaries regarding your family’s dietary needs. Emphasize that your goal is to enjoy the holiday together, not to offend her.
- Be prepared to bring your own food if necessary, but frame it as a way to ensure everyone can enjoy the meal without worry.
Focus on the Spirit of the Holiday:
- Remind everyone that the holiday is about togetherness and love, not just the food. Encourage family activities that foster connection beyond the dinner table.
- Consider creating new traditions that incorporate everyone’s preferences, making the holiday special for all.

By approaching the situation with empathy and a willingness to collaborate, you can help ease tensions and create a more enjoyable holiday experience for everyone involved. Remember, the goal is to celebrate together while respecting each other’s needs and traditions.