WIBTA If I Ask My Brother And His Family To Remove Me From The Annual Christmas Letter Recipient List

WIBTA if I ask my brother and his family to remove me from the annual Christmas letter recipient list

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

When Family Beliefs Clash: A Holiday Dilemma

In a heartfelt exploration of family dynamics, a Jewish woman grapples with the annual Christmas card from her Evangelical brother, which she finds both disrespectful and intrusive. Despite her attempts to maintain a loving relationship, the proselytizing tone of the card leaves her feeling dehumanized and frustrated. This story resonates with many who navigate the complexities of differing beliefs within their families, raising questions about respect, boundaries, and the true meaning of love during the holiday season.

Family Drama Over Holiday Cards: A Conflict Resolution Dilemma

In a recent family drama, a Jewish individual expressed frustration over receiving Christmas cards from their Evangelical Christian brother and his family. The situation has sparked a conflict regarding religious boundaries and respect for differing beliefs. Here’s a summary of the key points:

Background: The individual comes from a Jewish family with Eastern European roots. While they were raised in a Jewish household, their current observance is minimal, focusing on cultural traditions rather than strict religious practices.
Brother’s Conversion: One brother converted to Evangelical Christianity, adopting beliefs that reject the validity of other religions. His family, including his wife and children, also identifies as Evangelical Christians.
Christmas Card Issue: Despite previous discussions about boundaries, the brother continues to send Christmas cards that include proselytizing messages. The recipient finds this offensive and disrespectful, feeling that it disregards their Jewish identity.
Desire for Respect: The individual has expressed a desire for a more honest relationship with their brother, emphasizing the importance of mutual respect for differing beliefs.
Seeking Resolution: The individual is contemplating asking to be removed from the Christmas card mailing list, feeling that it may be necessary to maintain family harmony. They are concerned about how this request might be perceived.

Throughout the discussion, the individual reflected on their feelings of hypocrisy for not addressing the issue directly with their brother while venting to other family members. They acknowledged the complexity of the situation, recognizing that their brother’s intentions stem from a place of love and concern for their spiritual well-being.

Community Support: The individual received various comments from readers, many of whom shared similar experiences with family dynamics and religious differences. Some emphasized the importance of open communication, while others suggested recycling the cards unopened to avoid conflict.
Understanding Perspectives: Insights from former Evangelicals helped the individual understand that the proselytizing language used in the cards is often seen as normal communication within their brother’s faith community.

Ultimately, the individual has come to terms with the idea that maintaining a relationship with their brother may require them to overlook certain feelings of disrespect. They plan to recycle the Christmas cards unopened in the future, prioritizing family harmony over personal discomfort.

This situation highlights the challenges of navigating family relationships amidst differing religious beliefs, emphasizing the need for conflict resolution strategies that foster understanding and respect.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

UPDATE

Whoa, I never expected this post would get so many comments. First, I should tell you I made this card and sent it to the Evangelical members of my family before I posted here on Reddit.

I’ve read and thought about virtually all the comments—not the sprinkling from anti-Semitic trolls—and would like to respond in general. I can see that because I posted about this on Reddit, it seems like I’m making too big a deal about a card letter.

What upsets me isn’t “a dumb card”; it’s the proselytizing that comes with the card. Instead of the card, I might have posted about how furious I was in my grief at the funeral service for my brother’s youngest, 23M, when, at my brother’s request I later learned, the minister beseeched those present who had not accepted Jesus as their Savior to do so.

But I let go of that long ago and never remotely considered saying anything to my brother about it. Several comments prompted me to think of this now, so I mention it only for the broader context.

I’d especially like to thank those of you who read my post carefully enough to understand I would like to have a better, more honest, and open relationship with my brother. Another one of my brothers expressed what I realized was also part of my thought process: “If I was ever doing something to hurt others and I had no idea I was doing this, then I would really want them to tell me because that isn’t who I ever want to be.”

I don’t think my brother and his family are “evil” or “evilish,” not at all; I do think they’re sanctimonious. I know my brother wants everyone to be safe, well, and happy, but according to the values and rigid dogma of his chosen faith.

I believe he and his family truly don’t understand “how their religious paradigm fundamentally dehumanizes others,” a comment from someone who “grew up fundamentalist Southern Baptist and is now a progressive Methodist pastor.” I would absolutely want to know if anyone—not just people I care about—felt I were disrespecting them in any way, so I considered trying to have that conversation with my brother.

It never occurred to me that asking my brother and his family to take me off their mailing lists was “a hill to die on,” “a fight to the death,” or the start of “a holy war!” Jeez, some of y’all need to learn the difference between a valid inference and a wild assumption.

Nor is this in any way about Christmas vs. Chanukah, Christians vs. Jews, or any other religion, or my inability to accept differences. As I said in my original post, many years ago I told my brother that although I will never be a Christian, “I am happy for you and your family and have no desire whatsoever to dissuade you from what you believe.”

But several comments have clarified for me that therein lies the rub. What Evangelicals believe demands that they keep proselytizing.

I’d like to add in response to several comments that I’m grateful for all prayers and good wishes sent to me and my family. When one of my children was diagnosed with a potentially fatal medical condition, friends of all religions asked if they could pray for him, and several specifically asked if they could add him to their church’s prayer list.

I’m a believer in the power of prayer, all prayers, and my response was always a profoundly heartfelt thank you. Again, I just don’t want to be told how I should pray.

“Return to sender” is out because I don’t want to harm our relationship. Wanting to be understood and seen for who I am by people I love is not kvetching.

I haven’t just tossed the Christmas cards from my brother and his family like a piece of junk mail up till now because that would have felt callous to me, even though the cards invariably piss me off. So, yeah, I’ve been in a quandary.

I’m someone who’s willing to have the hard conversations in the spirit of trying to make things better, not “escalate” them. It feels hypocritical to vent with my Jewish siblings but never say a word to my brother and his family about how disrespected we feel.

But after reading all the comments, the most enlightening for me from insiders/former Evangelicals, I accept the heart-to-heart conversation I’d love to have within the context of asking to be removed from the mailing list is not possible for now and maybe never will be. I now accept that to maintain a relationship I value with my brother, there will be times I’ll just have to get over feeling hypocritical.

An especially enlightening comment for me was the one explaining that “None come to the Father except through Him” is “just considered normal communication for Evangelicals. It’s how they say Hello. It’s how they speak to everyone, even people in their own religion that they know already believe the same things.”

I had a light bulb moment. It’s akin to “Under his eye” in Gilead. I’ll take the advice from so many of you and next year recycle the card unopened. Thank you for taking the time to comment on my post.

ORIGINAL POST

WIBTA if I asked my brother and his family to leave my name off their Christmas card mailing list next year?

Here’s some background before I explain the problem with their Christmas cards. My family is Jewish, with Eastern European Jewish roots on both my father’s and mother’s side.

Raised in a sporadically observant Jewish home, none of us are particularly observant now aside from saying Happy New Year in the fall, lighting the menorah candles for Chanukah, and occasionally attending a Seder. But whenever any of us meets an elderly Jewish New Yorker, we instantly feel like they’re family.

All this is to say we very much feel that we’re Jewish, MOT1 and all that. Spiritually, we each follow our own path, including atheism in some cases.

Long ago, however, one of my brothers became an Evangelical Christian, embracing a version of Christianity that denies the validity of all other religions. His wife, raised Catholic, and his son and son’s family are also Evangelical Christians.

In the early years of my brother’s conversion, there was a struggle to set boundaries—no, I don’t believe and will never believe our souls need saving from eternal hellfire, but I am happy for you and your family and have no desire whatsoever to dissuade you from what you believe.

Now to get to the point. The conversations exhorting us to accept Jesus as our Savior have ended, for the most part, but the entire Jewish side of the family is still receiving THE CHRISTMAS CARD/LETTER from someone in my brother’s family, and we’re stunned that they don’t realize how offensive this is.

We joke about sending them a Chanukah card,

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong preference for simply discarding the Christmas cards without engaging in any discussion, as many users suggest just tossing them or marking them as “return to sender.” There is a consensus that taking no action or sending them back unopened can help avoid potential family drama, while some users humorously suggest sending back a Hanukkah card as a form of gentle protest. Overall, the comments reflect a desire for peace and minimal confrontation in dealing with evangelical family members.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

Navigating family dynamics, especially when it comes to differing religious beliefs, can be challenging. Here are some practical steps to help both parties address the situation with empathy and understanding:

For the Jewish Individual

Reflect on Your Feelings: Take some time to understand your emotions regarding the Christmas cards. Acknowledge your feelings of discomfort and disrespect, but also consider your brother’s intentions.
Communicate Openly: If you feel comfortable, have a candid conversation with your brother. Express your feelings about the cards and how they impact your sense of identity. Use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory (e.g., “I feel uncomfortable receiving these cards because…”).
Set Boundaries: Politely request to be removed from the Christmas card list. You can frame it as a desire to respect each other’s beliefs, emphasizing that you appreciate his love but prefer to celebrate your own traditions.
Consider Compromise: Suggest sending holiday greetings that reflect both of your traditions. This could foster a sense of mutual respect and understanding.
Practice Self-Care: If the situation becomes overwhelming, prioritize your emotional well-being. It’s okay to take a step back and focus on your own traditions and celebrations.

For the Evangelical Brother

Listen Actively: If your brother expresses discomfort, listen without becoming defensive. Acknowledge his feelings and the importance of his Jewish identity.
Understand Intentions: Recognize that your desire to share your faith comes from a place of love. However, be mindful that not everyone may share the same beliefs or appreciate proselytizing messages.
Respect Boundaries: If your brother requests to be removed from the Christmas card list, honor that request. This shows respect for his beliefs and strengthens your relationship.
Explore Common Ground: Consider discussing ways to celebrate family togetherness that honors both of your traditions. This could involve creating new family rituals that incorporate elements from both faiths.
Be Open to Feedback: Encourage open dialogue about religious differences within the family. This can help foster understanding and reduce tension in future interactions.

Conclusion

Ultimately, the goal is to maintain a loving and respectful relationship despite differing beliefs. By approaching the situation with empathy and a willingness to communicate, both parties can work towards a resolution that honors their individual identities while preserving family harmony.