WIBTA For Going NC With My Dad Cuz He’s Having A Baby With His Gf?

WIBTA for going NC with my dad cuz he’s having a baby with his gf?

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Family Ties or Toxic Bonds?

In a heart-wrenching tale of familial strife, a 17-year-old girl grapples with the emotional fallout of her father’s infidelity and abusive behavior, especially as he prepares to welcome another child with his much younger girlfriend. As she navigates her feelings of resentment and betrayal, she faces the dilemma of whether to cut ties with a father who has consistently prioritized his new family over her own. This story resonates with many who have experienced the complexities of family dynamics, particularly in the context of parental favoritism and emotional abuse. It raises thought-provoking questions about loyalty, self-preservation, and the impact of toxic relationships on personal identity.

Family Drama and Conflict Resolution: A Daughter’s Dilemma

A 17-year-old girl recently faced a challenging situation during a visit to her father’s home, which had been her first in a couple of months. The visit sparked a series of emotions and reflections about her family dynamics, particularly concerning her father’s behavior and the impending arrival of a new sibling.

Background: The girl has a complicated relationship with her father, who is 44 years old and has a history of being emotionally and verbally abusive. He is also an alcoholic, which has contributed to the strained family environment.
New Developments: During her visit, her 7-year-old half-sister hinted at a secret regarding their mother, leading the girl to suspect that her father’s girlfriend, who is 27, is pregnant. This revelation added to her existing frustrations.
Family Dynamics: The girl has two full siblings, aged 11 and 10, whom she feels a stronger bond with compared to her half-sister. She perceives her half-sister as spoiled and favored by their father, which exacerbates her feelings of resentment.
Emotional Turmoil: The girl expressed a desire to go no contact with her father, feeling overwhelmed by the prospect of another sibling she does not view as a true family member. She has struggled with her father’s infidelity and the impact it has had on her family since she was young.
Support System: Her mother supports her decision to consider going no contact, recognizing the emotional toll her father’s behavior has taken on her children. The girl often visits her father primarily for the sake of her siblings.
Concerns for Siblings: She worries about how the news of a new baby will affect her brother, who still enjoys spending time with their father. The girl feels conflicted about the potential fallout of her decision on her siblings.

In her reflections, the girl acknowledges that her feelings are complicated. While she does not harbor hatred towards her half-sister or her father’s girlfriend, her animosity is directed solely at her father. She recognizes that her half-sister is a product of their father’s actions and does not blame her for the situation. However, the favoritism shown by their father and his family towards the younger child has left her feeling isolated and undervalued.

Ultimately, the girl is grappling with the decision of whether to cut ties with her father, weighing the emotional consequences for herself and her siblings. She seeks clarity on whether her feelings are justified and if she would be in the wrong for choosing to distance herself from a toxic family dynamic.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story: Throw Away Acc Just in Case

I, 17F, have visited my dad’s (44M) home for the first time in a month or two. My stupid half-sister (7F) started saying something along the lines of, “I have a secret about my mom,” but she said, “I can’t tell you,” and I don’t know. It just clicked: she’s pregnant. My dad’s girlfriend (27F) is pregnant. I snuck a look at the calendar, and she’s got an appointment with an OBGYN in January. She’s also kinda pregnant-looking.

I want to go no contact. I hate my dad. I’ve hated him for years. He’s an alcoholic in disguise and is abusive, mainly mentally, emotionally, and verbally, but he has put his hands on me and my full siblings (11M and 10F). From now on, my full siblings are just my brother and sister; my half-sister is my dad’s daughter. I’m 17 and don’t need to deal with another child I’ll never view as a real sibling.

My dad’s daughter is a spoiled brat and is put over me and my siblings. I don’t want to tear apart my family more than my dad has. He cheated on my mom when I was about 7 with his girlfriend; yes, she was 17 and has been with her since. My mom actually supports me if I go no contact this time. I’ve wanted to before, but I guess I’ve been too young. I only ever come around my dad for my siblings’ sake.

Would it even matter if I didn’t come? The only one who likes being around my dad nowadays is my brother, but without giving too much away, I know he’ll be crushed by the news of a new baby. I don’t know; it’s too much stress. This is all over the place. I’m sorry; I mainly needed to get my emotions out and need to know if I’m wrong. I’ll try to answer any questions for context if someone cares.

TL;DR: Would I be the a-hole if I went no contact with my narcissistic father for having another baby with his girlfriend?

Edit/Update: Just wanted to clear some stuff up about my half-sister and the new baby. I do not hate them; I don’t hate my dad’s girlfriend either; I just hate my dad. I’ve never felt like a sister to my half-sister, and I’ve tried. I try my best to be there, even though I don’t care for her like I do for my brother and sister. She likes me most because I’m the kindest to her.

My dad has put his hands on her as well and his girlfriend. He’s abusive all around. It’s irritating and upsetting that she looks up to me so much. She has a bad attitude, is spoiled and rude, but I do give her much grace. I’ve never purposely treated her differently from my brother and sister, but it’s sadly all acting. It’s not healthy for either of us. I don’t blame her; I know she didn’t ask for this, and I’ve never tried to make her feel any less for our situation.

But it’s sad to see my dad favor her and his side of the family. Yeah, my grandparents like her more than my siblings and me, lol. Also, I know because she’s younger, she needs more attention than a 17-year-old, but what about my 10-year-old sister? Or my brother growing up in a home without a father figure? It’s not about my half-sister; it’s not about that baby. It’s about my dad. Whatever relationships I could’ve had with them are ruined because of my dad.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments strongly condemn the father’s behavior, labeling him as a “creep” due to the significant age difference and his negative influence on the OP’s life. Users emphasize the importance of prioritizing mental health and self-preservation, encouraging the OP to distance themselves from an abusive relationship. Overall, there is a consensus that the OP is justified in their feelings and actions, with many advocating for a focus on personal well-being and safety.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving Family Conflict

Navigating family dynamics, especially in situations involving emotional and verbal abuse, can be incredibly challenging. It’s important to approach this conflict with empathy and a focus on personal well-being. Here are some practical steps for the daughter to consider, addressing both her feelings and the potential impact on her siblings.

Steps for the Daughter

Reflect on Your Feelings: Take time to journal or talk to a trusted friend or therapist about your emotions. Understanding your feelings can help clarify your next steps.
Set Boundaries: If you decide to maintain some level of contact with your father, establish clear boundaries regarding what behaviors you will not tolerate. Communicate these boundaries calmly and assertively.
Consider a Gradual Distance: If going no contact feels too drastic, consider reducing the frequency of visits or phone calls. This can help you create space while still being present for your siblings.
Communicate with Your Siblings: Share your feelings with your full siblings, if appropriate. They may have their own perspectives and feelings about the family dynamics that could help you feel less isolated.
Seek Support: Engage with a therapist or counselor who specializes in family dynamics and abuse. They can provide guidance tailored to your situation and help you process your emotions.
Focus on Self-Care: Prioritize activities that promote your mental and emotional well-being. This could include hobbies, exercise, or spending time with supportive friends.

Steps for Addressing Family Dynamics

Open Dialogue with Your Mother: Discuss your feelings and concerns with your mother. Her support is crucial, and she may have insights or suggestions based on her experiences.
Consider Family Therapy: If feasible, suggest family therapy sessions that include your mother and siblings. This can provide a safe space to address feelings and improve communication.
Monitor Your Father’s Behavior: If you choose to maintain contact, keep an eye on your father’s behavior. If he exhibits abusive tendencies, be prepared to enforce your boundaries or reconsider your relationship.
Educate Yourself: Learn about the effects of emotional and verbal abuse on families. Understanding these dynamics can empower you to make informed decisions about your relationships.
Be Compassionate Towards Your Half-Sister: While it’s natural to feel resentment, remember that your half-sister is not responsible for your father’s actions. Try to approach her with kindness, as she may also be affected by the family dynamics.

Ultimately, the decision to distance yourself from your father is a personal one that should prioritize your mental health and well-being. Remember that it’s okay to seek help and take the time you need to navigate this complex situation.