[UPDATE] To AITA For Telling My Husband That I Don't Want To Be A Single Mom Of Three Kids?

[UPDATE] to AITA for telling my husband that I don’t want to be a single mom of three kids?

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

When Family Dynamics Turn Toxic

In a heart-wrenching tale of marital strife, a woman finds herself at a breaking point as her husband and his family refuse to respect her autonomy. After a series of confrontations that escalate to physical intimidation, she makes the difficult decision to pursue a divorce, prioritizing her safety and the well-being of her children. This story resonates with many who have faced the challenges of navigating family expectations and personal boundaries, highlighting the struggle for self-identity in the face of societal pressures.

Relatable Themes: The conflict between personal growth and familial expectations is a universal struggle.
Thought-Provoking Questions: How do we balance our own needs with those of our families?

Update on Family Drama and Conflict Resolution

After receiving numerous messages of concern, I wanted to provide an update on my situation. Unfortunately, things have escalated, and I have decided to pursue a divorce from my husband, Rey, due to our irreconcilable differences regarding our marriage.

Key Events Leading to the Decision

My mother-in-law (MIL) and sister-in-law (SIL) unexpectedly visited my home the morning after my initial post.
My children were with my brother-in-law (BIL) at my sister’s house, leaving me alone with my in-laws.
I expressed that any discussions should occur between Rey and me, as we are adults and married, which offended them greatly.
My MIL accused me of changing and not being the person her son married, to which I responded that I have matured since our marriage.
After a heated exchange, my MIL left, and Rey arrived a few hours later.

Confrontation with Rey

Rey did not inquire about our children or my well-being but instead criticized how I treated his mother.
My sister was present, which seemed to temper Rey’s initial aggression.
Rey accused me of being a bad wife and mother, claiming I didn’t love him because I didn’t want more children.
When I mentioned our children were with BIL and my sister, Rey reacted angrily, using derogatory language towards them.
Our conversation was unproductive, filled with circular arguments and escalating tension.

Decision to Divorce

After expressing my willingness to divorce if he was not open to resolving our issues, Rey initially agreed.
As I began packing, he became hostile, questioning how I would explain the situation to our children.
I clarified that the children would remain in the house, regardless of which parent stayed.
Rey then attempted to negotiate, but I was resolute in my decision to divorce.
The situation escalated further when Rey physically shook me, prompting my sister to intervene.
I called the police, and we managed to lock Rey out before they arrived.

Aftermath and Reflection

Rey left before the police arrived, and I provided a statement while my sister sustained minor injuries.
His family has bombarded me with messages, but Rey has not reached out.
I am officially filing for divorce and reflecting on my previous feelings of envy towards my sister.
I realize now that my frustrations were misplaced, and I appreciate her support during this difficult time.

Thank you to everyone who offered advice and encouragement. The online community can be incredibly supportive, and I am grateful for your kindness.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

Hello to everyone. I wanted to update since a lot of people were worried about me, and a lot has happened.

For those who don’t want to read a long post: things turned ugly, but I am safe, and I decided to get a divorce since my husband and I couldn’t agree on how a marriage should look like.

Now for a long update: the morning after I made this post, my MIL and SIL showed up at my house. At this point, there was still no word from my husband; let’s call him Rey. It was obvious that they expected me to be alone; my kids were with BIL at my sister M’s house, and she was with me.

So we all sat down to have a conversation. I know I was being annoying, but I kept repeating that I don’t see the point of that; the conversation should happen between Rey and me. We are grown-ups and married, and I didn’t see a reason for them to meddle.

They took great offense to that. My MIL, at one point, said that she doesn’t understand what happened to me; I am not the girl her son married anymore. I said, of course, I’m not; he married a teenager, and I’m now a grown woman.

She turned beet red and started screaming at me, to which M said she was going to call the police if she didn’t calm down. After a few insults, mostly about how I’m abusing her son and how bad of a mother I am, they left.

Rey showed up a few hours later. Not to ask about our children or to see how I am, but to berate me on how I treated his mother. Again, I think M being there changed his plan since he toned it down when she came downstairs.

He demanded for her to leave; she refused and said that she was going to go upstairs so we could have a conversation, but she was not going anywhere until I asked her to, which I didn’t. He started by basically saying that I am a bad wife, that I don’t love him since I don’t want more kids, and I blamed him for it.

I shouldn’t be speaking with him like that; he is a great father to our kids, etc. I asked, “Which kids?” Kids he hasn’t seen in 3 days and didn’t ask how or where they are? He then freaked out when I told him they are at BIL and M’s house, calling them both vile names that I don’t want to repeat.

Our conversation lasted an hour, and nothing productive came out of it; we were going in circles. I was scared because he multiple times started grinding his teeth and putting his hands in fists, but he would calm down after a few seconds.

I said if he is not willing to work on our marriage and thinks that he is completely in the right, we should get a divorce. He, at first, said fine; if that’s what I want, I should pack my stuff and leave. I started packing, and he ranted about how I’m going to live without him, how he can’t wait for me to explain to the kids why they are moving, and similar.

I said that the kids are not moving anywhere. They are staying in the house, and whichever parent stays here is taking care of them. He really couldn’t comprehend what I was saying. I am not turning our kids’ lives upside down; divorce is enough of a change—they are not going anywhere.

Then his tune changed; he was willing “to hear me out.” I swear I thought I was going to pop a blood vessel from rage. I said I don’t care anymore—we ARE getting a divorce; the only questions are about logistics and our kids.

To not make this post even longer, this also went in circles. Then he grabbed my shoulders and started shaking me; M got involved, and they started pushing each other. I called the police.

We managed to push him through the door and locked it. He left before the police came; we gave statements, and I stayed at the house. I am fine, but M has a few scratches. Currently, I’m bombarded with texts from his family; again, not a peep from him.

I am filing for divorce. I don’t know why I thought that this could end any differently, but I’m also glad that I tried.

For people who found my previous posts: I am ashamed of how I was speaking about M, but I was envious until I realized that I was projecting my unhappiness with my life onto her. She didn’t deserve it; she was and still is an amazing sister and an even better person.

Thank you all; I got amazing advice and words of encouragement. The Internet can also be full of wonderful people, and I’m grateful for each and every one of you.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments express overwhelming support for the original poster (OP) in leaving an abusive relationship, emphasizing the importance of safety and caution during the divorce process. Many users highlight the potential dangers posed by the OP’s soon-to-be ex-husband, urging her to take protective measures and seek legal advice. The consensus is that while the decision to leave is commendable, the OP must remain vigilant to ensure her safety and well-being.

Overall Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

It’s clear that the situation has escalated significantly, and it’s important to approach this conflict with care and consideration for everyone involved. Here are some practical steps for both the original poster (OP) and Rey to help navigate this difficult time.

For the Original Poster (OP)

Prioritize Safety: Ensure your physical and emotional safety is the top priority. Consider obtaining a restraining order if you feel threatened.
Seek Legal Counsel: Consult with a family law attorney to understand your rights and the divorce process. This will help you make informed decisions.
Document Everything: Keep a record of all interactions with Rey, including any abusive behavior. This documentation can be crucial in legal proceedings.
Establish Boundaries: Clearly communicate your boundaries to Rey and his family. Let them know what behavior is unacceptable and that you will not engage in discussions that escalate conflict.
Lean on Support Systems: Continue to rely on your sister and other supportive friends or family members. Consider joining a support group for individuals going through similar situations.
Focus on Self-Care: Take time for yourself to process your emotions. Engage in activities that promote your well-being, such as exercise, meditation, or hobbies you enjoy.

For Rey

Reflect on Behavior: Rey should take time to reflect on his actions and the impact they have had on his marriage and family. Acknowledging his behavior is the first step toward change.
Seek Professional Help: Consider individual therapy to address underlying issues that may contribute to his anger and communication style. This can provide him with tools to manage his emotions better.
Communicate Respectfully: If Rey wishes to discuss the situation, he should approach conversations with respect and a willingness to listen. Avoiding derogatory language and accusations is crucial.
Consider Family Counseling: If both parties are open to it, family counseling can provide a safe space to address issues and improve communication, especially concerning the children.
Focus on Co-Parenting: Rey should prioritize the well-being of the children and work towards a co-parenting plan that minimizes conflict and supports their needs.

Conclusion

Conflict resolution in such a complex situation requires effort from both sides. While the OP is taking necessary steps to ensure her safety and well-being, Rey must also recognize the need for change and seek help. Open communication, respect, and professional guidance can pave the way for a healthier future for both parties and their children.