UPDATE: AITA For Telling My Mom That I Don’t Forgive My Brother

UPDATE: AITA For Telling My Mom that I Don’t Forgive my Brother

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Family Dynamics and Unexpected Bonds

In a heartfelt journey of self-discovery and familial strife, a young adult grapples with their mother’s refusal to acknowledge the toxic dynamics surrounding their brother. After a candid conversation reveals deep-seated issues, tensions escalate, leading to a surprising twist that reshapes their understanding of family. As the protagonist navigates this emotional landscape, they find solace and support in an unexpected ally, prompting a life-changing decision that resonates with anyone who has faced complicated family relationships.

Relatable Themes: The struggle to balance loyalty to family with personal safety and well-being.
Thought-Provoking Moments: The impact of unresolved trauma on parenting and sibling relationships.
Emotional Growth: Discovering the importance of chosen family and support systems in times of crisis.

Family Drama and Conflict Resolution: A Journey Towards Healing

Two weeks have passed since I returned to campus, and the experience has been a mix of positive and negative developments. With the help of supportive comments and messages, I devised a plan to address the ongoing family drama involving my brother, my mother, and Jessica.

Initial Conversations: About a week and a half ago, I sat down with my mom and Jessica to express my feelings regarding my brother’s behavior. I shared my concerns about my mother’s perception of him as her “baby” and how her actions mirrored those of his father, whom she had previously criticized.
Unresolved Trauma: I pointed out that my mother’s reactions might stem from her unresolved issues with her own parents, particularly her mother. Surprisingly, she acknowledged this and admitted to recognizing the signs but felt trapped in her approach, fearing she would become like her own mother.
Jessica’s Apology: Jessica also apologized for her initial dismissal of my concerns, explaining that she didn’t view my brother as a threat and assumed I felt the same way. This moment of honesty seemed to pave the way for better communication.

However, the conversation took a turn when my mother expressed her reluctance to change her approach. She believed she was close to a breakthrough with my brother and asked me to “work on my emotions,” promising that we could address things once he was “cured.”

Conflict Escalation: Jessica became upset on my behalf, confronting my mother about her favoritism and the impact it had on our family dynamics. She emphasized that my mother needed to consider both children, not just one.
Mother’s Departure: This confrontation led to my mother leaving to stay with her ex-husband and my brother, leaving Jessica and me in a state of shock.

Jessica was understandably distressed, as this situation added to the existing problems in their relationship. During this time, we grew closer, with Jessica consistently checking in on me and ensuring I was prepared for the upcoming semester. We bonded over shared interests, including music, and she even presented me with paperwork for adoption as a graduation gift.

Emotional Response: The offer to adopt me brought a wave of emotions, especially considering my father’s rejection and my stepdad’s dismissive attitude. I accepted, and we shared a heartfelt moment together.
Current Status: Since returning to campus, my mother has only reached out once, asking for space. I chose not to respond and focused on my studies.

On campus, I discovered organizations related to my career that offer internships with stipends, allowing me to rebuild my savings. Overall, I feel more positive and ready to graduate, grateful for the support and tough love I received from others during this challenging time.

TL;DR: My mother acknowledges her mistakes but refuses to change. Jessica confronted her, leading to my mother moving in with her ex-husband and brother. I am getting adopted by Jessica!

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

Welp, it’s been 2 weeks since I left back to campus, and it’s come with some good and bad things. Thanks to many of the people who commented and DM’d me, I was able to come up with a game plan to 1. talk with my mom and Jessica about my brother and 2. find resources to permanently stay away if things go south.

About a week and a half ago, I sat down with mom and Jessica to fully explain everything I was feeling. I told her about how I felt that she still saw him as her baby and wasn’t taking him seriously. I also mentioned that now, since he’s decided to keep living with his dad, she wants to do everything she criticized his dad for doing.

I told her that I thought her reaction to my brother put us in jeopardy and that her actions likely had much to do with her unresolved trauma with her own parents and her resentment for how her mother treated her in comparison to her brother. To be fair, she didn’t reject the claim. She fully owned up to it.

She said that over time she recognized the signs but didn’t know how to stop because she didn’t want to lose him forever. She felt that if she didn’t do it this way, she would just end up becoming everything her mom said she would be as a parent. Jessica spoke after and apologized for her initial reaction to my feelings and for not taking my concerns seriously when I first brought them up.

She said for her part, she just didn’t see him as a threat and reasoned that if push came to shove, she would defend the household and herself by whatever means necessary if he attempted anything, so she just assumed I felt the same way. I thought with these new revelations, we would be on our way to finding a better way forward in managing a relationship with my brother. But then my mother put a stop to all of that; she doesn’t want to change.

She reasons that she’s close to a breakthrough with him and doesn’t want to change things since she feels that would hinder any progress. She asked me to just “work on my emotions” and “promised” that once he was cured, we could go from there. At that, Jessica got angry with mom on my behalf.

She laid into my mom, saying that she had two children, not just one, and it is incredibly selfish and inconsiderate to expect one child to “make do” just so she could maintain a failing relationship with her other child, who, at the end of the day, caused the consequences he’s in now. She said, and I quote, “You keep babying that boy and then wonder why he has no respect for you,” which led to my mom crying and leaving to go stay with, surprise, surprise, her ex-husband, my stepdad, and my brother.

My mom left her disabled wife to go stay with her ex-husband and brother in the house they used to share. Jessica is understandably upset, as they have been having problems for a while now, and this might just be the nail in the coffin. Since she left, she hasn’t answered anyone’s calls, neither has my brother or stepdad.

I stayed with Jessica until the last day before classes. During that period, I think Jessica and I bonded even further. We already got along pretty well, but I think for the first time, I understood what it was like to have someone have your back.

Even while she was hurting, she kept checking in with me to make sure I was handling everything okay and that I had everything prepared for the semester. I made sure to spend as much time as possible since she doesn’t have a lot of family around. We’ve even been playing on repeat a certain rapper who performed at the Super Bowl this year; she’s become a certified fan since the beef started, lol.

Before I left, she gave me some paperwork. She said that this was supposed to be a graduation present for me, but in light of recent events, she doesn’t know what will happen in the future and asked to adopt me. I can’t begin to explain the wave of emotions that came over me.

My own father didn’t want me, and my stepdad literally said, “I’d change my name when I get married anyway, what’s the point?” So the fact that this woman, even with all the shit that has happened over the last few years, chose me. Needless to say, I said yes, and we both bawled like babies and watched The Wiz back to back.

Since I’ve been on campus, my mom has only sent one message saying she needs time to think and needs space. I didn’t respond; I just muted her notification. While on campus, I found some organizations that work within my career field that also offer internships that come with stipends and full-time work contracts upon successful completion of the program.

My case looks like it will be wrapping up soon, which will let me start working again so I can build back up my savings. Other than that, I guess I’m good. Definitely in a better headspace. Just ready to graduate.

Thanks to everyone who gave me words of encouragement and advice. Even the harshest ones helped; sometimes tough love is needed.

TL;DR: Mom knows what she did was wrong but doesn’t want to change. Jessica got mad, and now mom is staying with her ex-husband and my brother. I’m getting adopted!!

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong support for the OP’s decision to distance themselves from their mother and brother, highlighting the positive influence of Jessica in their life. Many users express relief that the OP is being adopted by someone who genuinely cares for them, suggesting that this change could lead to a healthier environment. There is a consensus that the OP should prioritize their safety and well-being, especially given the concerning behavior of their brother.

Overall Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving Family Conflict

Family dynamics can be incredibly complex, especially when unresolved issues and emotional attachments are involved. It’s commendable that you’ve taken steps to address the situation with your mother and brother. Here are some practical steps to help navigate this conflict while considering both sides:

For You and Jessica

Continue Open Communication: Maintain an open dialogue with Jessica about your feelings and experiences. This will strengthen your bond and provide mutual support as you both navigate the family dynamics.
Set Boundaries: Clearly define what behaviors are acceptable and what are not. This may involve limiting contact with your mother and brother until they can demonstrate a willingness to change.
Seek Professional Support: Consider family therapy or individual counseling. A professional can provide guidance and tools to help you process your emotions and navigate the complexities of your family relationships.
Focus on Personal Growth: Engage in activities that promote your well-being, such as joining clubs, pursuing hobbies, or volunteering. This will help you build a supportive community outside of your family.

For Your Mother

Encourage Self-Reflection: If possible, suggest that your mother seek therapy to address her unresolved issues. This could help her understand her behavior and its impact on the family.
Communicate Your Needs: When you feel ready, express to your mother how her actions have affected you. Use “I” statements to convey your feelings without placing blame, such as “I feel hurt when I see favoritism.”
Be Patient but Firm: Change takes time. While it’s important to be patient with your mother, remain firm in your boundaries. Let her know that you are open to rebuilding the relationship when she is ready to acknowledge her behavior.

For Your Brother

Assess Safety Concerns: If you feel that your brother poses a threat to your well-being, prioritize your safety. This may mean limiting or avoiding contact until you feel secure.
Encourage Positive Change: If appropriate, encourage your brother to seek help or counseling. This could provide him with the tools to address his behavior and improve family dynamics.

Final Thoughts

Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to prioritize your own well-being. Surround yourself with supportive individuals like Jessica, who genuinely care for you. By taking these steps, you can work towards a healthier family dynamic while ensuring your emotional safety.