Update AITA For Not Wanting To Move In With My Bf After Getting Out Of The Hospital

Update AITA for not wanting to move in with my bf after getting out of the hospital

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

When Trust is Tested: A Wake-Up Call

In a moment of vulnerability, a woman wakes up feeling unwell only to discover her boyfriend has left their apartment without telling her. As she grapples with feelings of abandonment and concern for her health, she reflects on the complexities of their relationship, including his recent irritability and the underlying financial motivations for their living arrangement. This relatable scenario raises thought-provoking questions about communication, trust, and the balance of care in relationships, especially in the context of navigating personal health challenges.

Update on Relationship Concerns

Recently, I experienced a situation that has led to some family drama and raised questions about my relationship. Here’s a summary of what happened:

Health Issues: I woke up feeling unwell and had to throw up, which is a side effect of my medication.
Boyfriend’s Absence: I noticed my boyfriend was missing from our one-bedroom apartment. After waiting for about 10 minutes, I called out for him but received no response.
Search for Him: I checked the bathroom and the trash can, thinking he might be taking out the trash. I called his phone but didn’t hear it ringing anywhere in the apartment.
Unexpected Errand: He eventually called back, explaining he had to deliver a key to his workplace because he forgot to return it after closing last week. His coworker couldn’t leave without it, and my boyfriend felt obligated to help.
Feelings of Fear: I was scared and unsettled that he left without informing me. Although he intended to be considerate by not waking me, I felt abandoned.

Reflecting on my relationship, I noted both positives and negatives:

Positives:
- We share a similar sense of humor.
- He is physically affectionate, which I appreciate.
- He has made thoughtful gestures, like buying an air purifier and reminding me to take my medication.
- The apartment is cleaner than I’ve ever seen it.
- He ensures I eat enough and takes care of household responsibilities.
Negatives:
- He seems irritated and struggles to understand my needs.
- Comments about my sleeping habits have been hurtful, especially since I deal with nerve pain.
- He smokes on the balcony, which I’ve expressed discomfort about. He apologized and promised to switch to nicotine strips.
- I discovered that part of his motivation for our relationship is financial; he wants me to stop my lease and share his bills.

In light of these events, I am reconsidering my decision to stay in this relationship. My mother is upset with me for even contemplating moving in with him, and my boyfriend is frustrated that I discussed our issues with her. I realize now that I may have overlooked some red flags and should have listened to the advice I received from others.

Final Thoughts: I am left questioning whether this relationship is truly what I want and if it is healthy for me. The conflict resolution process is ongoing, and I need to prioritize my well-being.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Update on this post

This did not take long. I messed up. I just woke up about 20 minutes ago.

Felt a bit unwell, had to throw up, no big deal, this happens sometimes after one of my medications. I look around and don’t see my BF in the kitchen/living room. It’s a 1-bedroom apartment, so not much to search.

So okay, he is probably on the toilet. I have waited for 10 minutes and he does not come out. I call his name.

He does not respond. I go and check and he is not on the toilet. Okay, maybe just taking out the trash?

I look in the trashcan and it is not emptied. I called him on his phone, and he does not pick up, but I do not hear his ringtone anywhere in the apartment. I called him a second time and he says he is back in 5 minutes. FROM WHERE?

Apparently, he had to deliver a key to his workplace or else they could not open. My BF was the last one to close last week and normally the first to open on Monday. He did not think about he still had the key at home, now he took free from work.

The other coworker could not leave the workplace as he does not have a car and came by bus, so according to my BF he had to go there himself and give it to him. I have no idea how to even feel about this. It fucking scares me that he did not tell me.

He did not want to wake me up and it is less than 10 minutes each way but I DID NOT KNOW HE LEFT ME ALONE. If it wasn’t for all the comments I have gotten on my posts here, I would have said I’m overreacting and he meant well, but I don’t like this.

Here a copy-paste of some stuff I wrote in my notes yesterday for context.

Positives

It is so nice to be with him; we have the same sense of humor. It is just different being with him than being at my parents; my mom is pretty stern and serious.
I like the physical aspect, caressing, hugging, things like that. My mom also does not really hug or tell me she loves me; she shows love more in a practical way.
He had an air purifier/humidifier that he bought, which I think is really considerate.
He got free from work.
He reminded me of my medication and gave them to me on said times.
The apartment looks cleaner than I have ever seen it.
He makes sure I eat enough and I don’t have to do anything.

BUT

He seems more irritated and still not completely understanding. Some things he says are also more easily rubbing me the wrong way after reading the comments people left.
Like for example that I am sleeping too much during the day, so that is why I cannot sleep at night and I should stop doing that, but I am just exhausted regardless of the time of day and also my nerve pain is worse at night.
He still smoked on the balcony and not inside but still!!! He was super apologetic when I said that I did not want that either; he claimed he did not know, he would not do it again, he will buy nicotine strips tomorrow.
I did not even know he now actually smokes that much to need something like that; he didn’t about 2 months ago.
I found out why he wanted this in the first place, besides wanting to be with me and moving forward in our relationship. Not sex or some weird caretaking fantasy but money.
I could stop the lease on my place, which I probably will do anyway; I am not going there anywhere soon and split his bills. Mind you, I do not even earn that much as a sports coach and especially not now where I am not able to.

TLDR: I think I shouldn’t have done this and I will leave.

Edit formatting and time. It did not take 5 minutes to get back. He got stuck in traffic.

It was about 20 minutes from the time I have called him. There I already waited 20 minutes, and I have no way of knowing how long before I woke up he left the house.

My mom is mad at me for even considering going to him. My boyfriend does not see the problem and is mad I called my mom. Yeah, I should have listened to all of you.

Edit 2: Why was I discharged in this condition? I was discharged a bit earlier than they would’ve done normally just until I was not contagious with TB anymore and stabilized due to health insurance issues and me being in a hospital abroad instead of in my home country.

There being someone present with me 24/7 at least for the first few weeks was a condition they set to make the discharge possible.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the individual should reconsider their living situation, primarily due to their partner’s lack of support during a serious illness and the financial motivations behind his desire to cohabitate. Many users emphasize the importance of prioritizing health and safety, suggesting that the relationship lacks the necessary emotional foundation and care. Overall, the comments reflect a belief that the partner is not adequately meeting the individual’s needs, leading to the recommendation to move back in with their mother for support.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving Relationship Conflict

It’s clear that you’re facing a challenging situation in your relationship, and it’s commendable that you’re taking the time to reflect on your feelings and needs. Here are some practical steps to help you navigate this conflict and make informed decisions about your future.

Steps for Self-Reflection

Assess Your Needs: Take some time to write down what you need from a partner, especially regarding emotional support, communication, and health considerations. This will help clarify your priorities.
Identify Red Flags: Reflect on the red flags you’ve noticed, such as financial motivations and lack of support during your illness. Acknowledge how these factors impact your feelings about the relationship.

Communicating with Your Boyfriend

Choose the Right Time: Find a calm moment to discuss your feelings with your boyfriend. Avoid bringing this up during a conflict or when emotions are running high.
Express Your Feelings: Use “I” statements to communicate how his actions made you feel. For example, “I felt scared and abandoned when you left without telling me.” This approach reduces defensiveness and opens up dialogue.
Listen Actively: Encourage him to share his perspective. Understanding his intentions can help you both find common ground.

Evaluating the Relationship

Consider Professional Help: If both of you are open to it, couples therapy can provide a safe space to explore your relationship dynamics and improve communication.
Set Boundaries: If you decide to continue the relationship, establish clear boundaries regarding your health needs and expectations for support.
Take Your Time: Don’t rush into decisions about moving in together. Give yourself the space to evaluate whether this relationship aligns with your long-term goals and well-being.

Seeking Support

Talk to Trusted Friends or Family: Share your thoughts with people who care about you. They can provide valuable perspectives and emotional support.
Prioritize Your Well-Being: If you feel overwhelmed, consider spending time with your mother or friends who can offer a supportive environment while you sort through your feelings.

Final Thoughts

Ultimately, your health and happiness should come first. It’s important to be in a relationship where you feel supported and valued. Take the time you need to make the best decision for yourself, and remember that it’s okay to prioritize your well-being above all else.