Boyfriend Wants A Breakup To Find Himself While Still Wanting To See Me Whenever He Feels Like. AITAH For Not Wanting To Wait Around?

Boyfriend wants a breakup to find himself while still wanting to see me whenever he feels like. AITAH for not wanting to wait around?

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Struggling Between Love and Self-Care

A 22-year-old finds herself at a crossroads in her five-year relationship as her partner, battling depression, requests a break to focus on himself. While she wants to support him, she’s grappling with the fear of putting her own life on hold, especially during a critical time in her studies. The dilemma of prioritizing her well-being versus being there for someone she loves resonates deeply, highlighting the often-unspoken challenges of balancing personal growth with relationship dynamics. Can she navigate this complex emotional landscape without losing herself in the process?

Family Drama and Relationship Conflict

A 22-year-old individual is navigating a complex situation with their partner, who is 24, after five years together. The couple has been living together for two years, but their relationship has shifted from passionate to a more mature dynamic over the past year. Recently, a serious conversation revealed that the partner is struggling with depression and feeling overwhelmed by personal and relationship issues.

The partner has requested a “break” to focus on self-improvement and soul-searching while living separately.
They assured the individual that they would not pursue other relationships during this time.
The individual is concerned about the impact of this break on their studies and self-care.
Previously, the couple had a one-month break that ended due to external circumstances, leading to questions about the effectiveness of such breaks.

The individual is torn between supporting their partner’s need for space and prioritizing their own well-being. Key points of concern include:

Feeling selfish for not wanting to wait while the partner figures out their life and relationships.
Worrying that living in uncertainty may hinder academic performance and self-care efforts.
Questioning whether minimal contact during the break would be beneficial for both parties.

Seeking Conflict Resolution

In an update, the individual expressed gratitude for the perspectives received and sought advice on how to manage the situation without causing anger or conflict with their partner, especially regarding moving out. They acknowledged needing assistance from their partner for the moving process.

The partner does not want to set a time limit on the break, fearing it would create pressure for quicker self-discovery.
They believe that learning to be independent is essential before committing fully to the relationship.
The individual is open to the breakup but is concerned about the partner’s mental health if left alone during this time.

Ultimately, the individual is grappling with the balance between supporting their partner’s journey and ensuring their own stability and academic focus. The situation highlights the complexities of family drama and the challenges of conflict resolution in relationships.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

I’m 22 and in a complex situation with my partner, who is 24, after 5 years together. We’ve been living together for 2 years due to circumstances, and while our relationship used to be super passionate and loving, it naturally evolved into a more mature stage over the past year. Recently, after a serious conversation, I learned that my partner is struggling with depression and feeling overwhelmed by both our relationship and personal life issues.

He’s asking for a “break” to focus on himself. He wants to do some soul-searching while living separately, though he’s assured me he won’t see other people. While I’m willing to work on our relationship, I’m really worried about how waiting in uncertainty might affect me, especially my studies and self-care.

We’ve actually been through something similar before—a one-month break that ended when circumstances pushed us back together. Now I’m questioning whether it’s selfish of me to not want to wait around while he figures out his life, his relationship with me, and his family relationships. I’m at a crucial point in my studies, trying to establish my self-identity, and I’m concerned that living in this uncertainty might lead me to stop studying as hard and taking care of myself.

I’m torn between supporting his need for space and protecting my own well-being. Would living separately with minimal contact help? Or am I right to prioritize my stability and academic focus?

I really need to know if I’m being selfish for not wanting to put my life on hold.

UPDATE

Thank you for all the perspectives. If anyone can point me in the right direction to execute my own plans without him being too angry to help me move out, I won’t lie, I kind of need his help in those regards. Should I just smile and pretend to go along with his plan, then not talk to him too much unless it’s very important?

UPDATE

To those who are more curious, he doesn’t want a time limit on the little breakup as he feels it will put pressure on him to do his soul searching faster. He believes he wants to learn how to be by himself before being with me and being fully committed to the relationship, I guess. That’s what I’m understanding, and I don’t disagree with that if that’s true.

He does look depressed and always irritated. I’m genuinely fine with the breakup if I don’t have to wait around for him. My other concern is if someone this depressed is left alone; I’m not sure if they will do soul searching! Feel free to disagree with me.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments reveal a strong consensus around the idea that the individual is not at fault (NTA) for wanting to prioritize their own well-being during a critical stage of their studies. Users emphasize the importance of setting boundaries and not sacrificing personal growth for someone who is uncertain about their intentions. Many commenters encourage taking time for self-discovery and assert that it’s unfair to be kept as an option while the boyfriend seeks clarity.

Overall Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

Navigating a relationship where one partner is seeking space for self-improvement can be challenging. It’s essential to approach this situation with empathy for both yourself and your partner. Here are some practical steps to help resolve the conflict while prioritizing both parties’ well-being:

For the Individual

Communicate Openly: Have an honest conversation with your partner about your feelings and concerns. Express your need for clarity regarding the break and how it impacts your studies and self-care.
Set Boundaries: Clearly define what the break means for you. Discuss how much contact you both feel comfortable with during this time. Setting boundaries can help reduce anxiety and uncertainty.
Prioritize Self-Care: Focus on your academic responsibilities and personal well-being. Engage in activities that promote mental health, such as exercise, hobbies, or spending time with friends and family.
Consider a Timeline: While your partner may not want to set a strict timeline, suggest a check-in after a certain period (e.g., a month) to discuss how both of you are feeling about the break and the relationship.
Seek Support: Talk to friends, family, or a counselor about your feelings. Having a support system can help you navigate this emotional time more effectively.

For the Partner

Be Honest About Needs: If you need space for self-discovery, communicate this clearly to your partner. Explain why this time is essential for your mental health and personal growth.
Reassure Your Partner: While you seek independence, reassure your partner that you value the relationship and are committed to addressing your issues. This can help alleviate their fears of being left behind.
Encourage Their Growth: Acknowledge your partner’s need to focus on their studies and self-care. Encourage them to pursue their goals during this time, emphasizing that both of you can grow individually.
Check-In Regularly: Even if you decide on minimal contact, consider scheduling regular check-ins to discuss how each of you is feeling. This can help maintain a connection while respecting the need for space.
Seek Professional Help: If you’re struggling with depression or overwhelming feelings, consider speaking to a mental health professional. This can provide you with tools to cope and grow during this time.

Conclusion

Ultimately, both partners deserve to prioritize their well-being while navigating this complex situation. By fostering open communication, setting boundaries, and supporting each other’s growth, you can work towards a resolution that honors both your needs and the relationship’s future.