Am I In The Wrong Here?

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Is Love Worth the Struggle?

In a tumultuous relationship marked by past traumas and present insecurities, a young woman grapples with the complexities of love and trust. After enduring a challenging stint in military school and a history of cheating, she finds herself questioning her boyfriend’s loyalty and commitment as he begins to withdraw emotionally. As she navigates her own anxiety and the fallout from his actions, she faces the heart-wrenching decision of whether to fight for a relationship that seems to be unraveling. This story resonates with anyone who has ever struggled with trust and the fear of repeating past mistakes in love.

Family Drama and Relationship Conflict: A Personal Story

This story revolves around a young woman navigating a tumultuous relationship with her boyfriend, Aiden, amidst family drama and personal challenges. Here’s a breakdown of the situation:

Background: The narrator has been dating Aiden for over 10 months, but only half of that time has been spent together in person. She was sent to military school by her parents due to past choices and struggles with anxiety and social awkwardness.
Past Relationships: Before Aiden, she experienced a long-term relationship that ended due to her infidelity, followed by a short, abusive relationship. These experiences shaped her understanding of love and trust.
Communication Challenges: While at military school, the couple communicated primarily through letters, with limited phone calls. The narrator expressed her feelings and struggles, but began to sense something was off with Aiden.
Trust Issues: Upon returning home, Aiden planned a trip for hurricane relief. The narrator felt uneasy about it and asked him not to go. During the trip, Aiden ignored her calls and posted pictures with another girl, raising her suspicions.
Accusations and Conflicts: After Aiden returned, he accused the narrator of cheating when he saw a text from a male friend. This accusation stemmed from her needing help with family pets while her family was away.
Revelation of Infidelity: In a later argument, Aiden admitted to cheating on her twice—once while she was at military school and again during the hurricane trip. This revelation shattered the narrator’s trust and hopes for their future together.
Current Situation: Despite the betrayal, the narrator tried to move on, but Aiden’s recent behavior—canceling plans and being emotionally distant—has caused her to question the relationship’s viability.
Family Emergency: The narrator faced a family crisis when her special needs brother had a seizure. When she reached out to Aiden, he became defensive and accused her of yelling at his brother, which she denies.
Seeking Advice: The narrator is at a crossroads, feeling lost and unsure whether to give Aiden more space or to end the relationship altogether. She reflects on their journey and the challenges they’ve faced together.

This story highlights the complexities of young love, the impact of past experiences on current relationships, and the importance of communication in conflict resolution. The narrator seeks guidance on whether to continue investing in a relationship that has been fraught with tension and betrayal.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

Alright, so I’m going to start by saying I don’t really know what I’m doing here, so no judgment if this is confusing for some reason. Disclaimer: I’m dyslexic, so I’m probably going to have spelling errors. I guess I’ll just get right into it. FYI, this is going to be LONG.

I’ve been dating my boyfriend, status which is under question; I’ll explain later, for 10 months and some change. I should probably start off by saying only about half of that has been in person. About a month into us dating, my parents sent me to military school, mostly because of past choices I made.

I’ve always been pretty smart and have never had many friends. I’ve always been a little socially awkward; I am a little autistic but have never been diagnosed. Nothing really major; sometimes I just have a little trouble communicating my feelings or totally understanding how someone else is feeling. I basically get it, but not on a very deep level like most people.

Because of all this, I’ve always had pretty bad anxiety—some social, most just a chemical thing. When I finally got some friends, or what I thought were friends, they introduced me to vaping and drugs, and I kind of spiraled. In my head, I was definitely medicating the anxiety that I was having, but I didn’t really realize how bad it was affecting me.

When I met my now-boyfriend, I was about two or more weeks clean from all the drugs but was still vaping. Even though I had gotten clean, my parents still decided to send me away; I was quite literally broken over it. Six months before I met my now-boyfriend, I had gotten out of a year-and-a-half relationship, all on fault of mine.

I know it may sound like an excuse, but drugs make you do stupid things. I had an absolutely wonderful relationship with someone whom I cheated on several times. Right after getting out of that relationship, I immediately got right into another one, and boy, did I learn.

I was abused in several different ways; I’m not going to get into it, but it is relevant for me to say that details are not needed. It was an addiction to the abuse; I was cheated on with two different people in the three months we dated. I learned what it felt like and how bad I messed up.

I stayed single for a little while until I met my now-boyfriend. Low-key getting tired of saying that, so let’s call him Aiden. I told Aiden about almost everything from the start, and he seemed to understand and had similar experiences to mine.

We were both big cheaters before karma caught up with us, so to be honest, I thought I was in the clear. I was away at military school for five and a half months; during that time, I could only write letters and would have a 10-minute max phone call a week. During the entire five and a half months I was there, I got three letters from him, and I probably sent him around 100.

To be honest, there wasn’t much to do but write. I’d tell him everything that was going on there and all the bull I was being put through. About three months in, I started to get this bad feeling, and around four months in, I sent him a kind of confusing letter telling him I just had some stuff I needed to figure out.

He gave off weird vibes on our phone call that week that led me to believe he was cheating on me. Then I got a letter from my ex, who texted my mom asking for the address to the school because he had stuff to tell me. The one I hurt, not the abusive one. I happened to mention this in my letter to Aiden, and I guess he assumed I was thinking about getting back with him, but I never was.

Fast forward some, I get back from military school, and things seem to be going great. About two months into me being back, he tells me he’s going to be going on a hurricane relief trip to Tennessee with his coworkers. Something about it didn’t sit right with me, and I asked him not to go, but he said he wanted to help the people there, so I guess I caved and definitely shouldn’t have.

While on this three-day trip, he was ignoring my calls, and I know he was seeing them because his location was active. Then he posts a video of him and one girl in his car, smiling and laughing. Then, the day he was supposed to come home, he posts the same girl with wet hair brushing her teeth.

As soon as I see it, I call him. He finally answers my call; we talk for maybe two minutes, then he says he has to go. I told him I loved him, and there was no response; he just hangs up. I had to work that day, and I told him this while we were on the phone.

He stops at a gas station about 30 minutes from my house, so I try to call him because I haven’t seen him in almost a week and wanted him to stop by since he’d be driving through anyway. To this day, he claims his phone was in the car, so he didn’t even see my calls or messages, but I call bull because this man takes his phone everywhere with him.

I get to work, and then he calls me and asks if he could come over and see me. I low-key lost it on him; I told him I’d been calling him for hours and that I was now at work. He asked me when my shift ended and told me he’d meet me there because my family was out of town, and he was supposed to be helping me tend to the many, many animals we have.

Everything seems to be going okay until he accuses me of cheating on him while he was gone because he sees a text from one of my male friends on my phone asking if they were still coming over tonight. Yes, that may look bad, but I would absolutely never cheat on him. When he was ignoring my messages and phone calls, I went and asked a few of my friends if they could come help me with the animals because alone it would probably take me about three hours, and let’s be real, no one wants to spend three hours tending to animals.

That friend just so happened to be a guy. I had no intention of doing anything wrong. My family just has really big dogs, and they have knocked me over and seriously hurt me before—not on purpose, but just because they are big and think they are still puppy size.

I asked mainly my male friends if they could help because all my girlfriends are short and would be little help and would probably end up getting hurt. Even after me explaining this to him, he said I was lying, which I wasn’t, but like, okay, you’re being weird. Posting another girl on your Snapchat when you won’t even post me because you don’t even really use it, and people that post about their relationship just have problems—like,

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the individual is not at fault (NTA) for feeling hurt and upset in their relationship with Aiden. Users emphasize that Aiden’s behavior, including canceling plans and being defensive, signals a lack of commitment and respect, which are essential for a healthy relationship. Many commenters suggest that the individual should reflect on their needs and consider moving on if Aiden continues to disregard their feelings.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving Relationship Conflict

Navigating a tumultuous relationship can be incredibly challenging, especially when trust has been broken and communication has faltered. Here are some practical steps for both the narrator and Aiden to consider in resolving their conflict and moving forward.

For the Narrator

Reflect on Your Needs: Take some time to think about what you truly want from this relationship. Consider your emotional needs, boundaries, and whether Aiden can meet them.
Communicate Openly: If you feel comfortable, have an honest conversation with Aiden about your feelings. Express how his actions have affected you and your trust in him. Use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory (e.g., “I feel hurt when…”).
Set Boundaries: Clearly define what behaviors are unacceptable to you moving forward. This could include expectations around communication, trust, and respect.
Seek Support: Talk to friends, family, or a therapist about your feelings. They can provide perspective and help you process your emotions during this difficult time.
Consider Your Options: If Aiden continues to be emotionally distant or disrespectful, it may be time to evaluate whether this relationship is worth continuing. Prioritize your well-being and happiness.

For Aiden

Self-Reflection: Take time to reflect on your actions and their impact on the relationship. Consider why you cheated and how it has affected your partner’s trust.
Apologize Sincerely: If you haven’t already, offer a genuine apology for your actions. Acknowledge the pain you’ve caused and express a desire to make amends.
Improve Communication: Work on being more open and honest with your partner. Avoid defensiveness and listen actively to her concerns. This will help rebuild trust.
Show Commitment: Demonstrate your commitment to the relationship through your actions. This could include being more present, following through on plans, and prioritizing her feelings.
Seek Help if Needed: If you’re struggling with personal issues that led to infidelity, consider talking to a therapist. Professional guidance can help you understand and address underlying problems.

Moving Forward

Both partners need to be willing to put in the effort to rebuild trust and improve communication. If both individuals are committed to making the relationship work, consider seeking couples therapy to facilitate discussions and provide tools for healthier interactions. However, if one or both partners feel that the relationship is no longer viable, it may be best to part ways amicably, allowing each person to heal and grow independently.