AITAH For Refusing To Talk To My Mom For 3 Weeks After What She Did To Us ?

AITAH For refusing to talk to my mom for 3 weeks after what she did to us ?

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

When Family Ties Fray: A Teen’s Dilemma

In a heart-wrenching tale of familial conflict, a 16-year-old girl grapples with the drastic changes in her mother’s behavior after she returns home from working abroad. Once a loving and supportive figure, the mother becomes controlling and violent, leading to a shocking confrontation that leaves the daughters feeling trapped and betrayed. As tensions escalate, the siblings must navigate their love for their mother while standing up against her abusive actions, raising questions about loyalty, forgiveness, and the complexities of family dynamics. This story resonates with many, highlighting the struggles of adolescence and the painful reality of toxic relationships within families.

Family Drama and Conflict Resolution: A Daughter’s Dilemma

A 16-year-old girl shares her experience of family tension and conflict resolution involving her mother and sister. The situation escalated to a point where she feels torn between her love for her mother and the need to stand up against her abusive behavior.

Background:
- The girl and her 18-year-old sister have been living with their father for three years while their mother worked abroad.
- Initially, the mother took the younger siblings with her, but due to health issues, the brother stayed with the mother, leaving the two sisters with their father.
- After some time, the mother moved closer for work, and the sisters began living with her again.
Initial Changes:
- At first, the return of the mother brought excitement and fun to the household.
- However, the mother soon became controlling and aggressive, leading to a strained relationship.
- She expressed jealousy over the sisters’ closeness to their father, which contributed to her volatile behavior.
Escalation of Conflict:
- The mother resorted to verbal abuse and physical threats, particularly towards the older sister.
- After discussing the situation with their aunt, the sisters suggested family therapy, but the mother vehemently refused.
- A family vacation turned chaotic when a violent confrontation occurred between the mother and the older sister.
Confrontation:
- The father intervened when he heard the commotion, and after a tense standoff, he managed to calm the situation.
- The mother’s violent outburst stemmed from a minor issue regarding a messy dining table.
- In the heat of the moment, the mother demanded the sisters’ phones, claiming they had changed due to their use.
Aftermath:
- The sisters felt compelled to distance themselves from their mother, leading to a breakdown in communication.
- During a family meeting, the mother denied her abusive behavior, which further fueled the sisters’ anger.
- The mother threatened divorce, shocking everyone, especially the younger siblings.
Current Feelings:
- The daughters are conflicted; they love their mother but cannot overlook her abusive actions.
- Despite the silence between them, the mother’s sadness is palpable, and the daughters feel guilty.
- Family members suggest that the daughters should reconcile with their mother, but they fear it will lead to a return to her previous behavior.

The situation highlights the complexities of family dynamics, especially when dealing with issues of abuse and emotional turmoil. The daughters are left questioning their roles and responsibilities in seeking conflict resolution while navigating their love for their mother.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

HELP literally I need advice fast

Long story ahead.

I, 16 F, and my sister, 18 F, have been staying with my dad for the past 3 years without staying with my mom. For some background context, my mom works abroad, and since she can’t move with the whole family there, she originally left with me, my brother, and my younger sister. My oldest sister stayed with my dad.

Later on, though, things changed, and originally, my brother and I were to start staying with my dad, but my brother got some health complications, so he stayed with my mom because of the better medical facilities where she was staying. Now, this was the first time ever I would be staying without my mom, but I ended up managing. Besides that, it was fun visiting her because she would shower both me and my sister with gifts once we visited her, and one of those gifts was our phones.

My dad was first highly against us having phones, claiming it would “destroy” us, but my mom countered it by saying her daughters are countries away from her, and she needed to sometimes talk to us. At times, my dad wasn’t even home, so she would spend close to 2 weeks without even talking to us. My dad later on agreed to it and even preferred us having phones because it was easier to monitor us when he traveled. This was 3 years ago; I was 13, and my sister was 15.

Now the current problem

My mom was shifted to work where we are currently staying, and so she started staying with us. At first, everything was cool and even better. Life at home became more exciting and fun.

Until my mom started to change. She became more controlling, more violent, and even unbearable to be with. But she still loved us, and we still loved her.

She took things too seriously. She noticed that we were closer to Dad than her, and I think she got jealous. Furthermore, her go-to punishment in case my sister and I made a mistake was to seriously shout at us and even get violent with us.

My father did not like this, and he continuously told her to stop, or else he would file a case against her for domestic violence. I was also shocked. So obviously, with time, my sister and I distanced ourselves from her.

She did not like this and got even more moody and started verbally abusing my sister. I guess she was kind of soft to me since she never got violent with me and verbally abused her more than me until now, I guess. She would call my sister things like, “I regret having you, never in my life did I ask for a child like you…”

Anyway, I discussed this all with my closest aunt, and she suggested going for family therapy. I told this to my dad, and he discussed it with my mom. My mom freaked out, completely refused, and shut down the idea, and we never pushed her after this.

She’s the type of person to believe she’s always correct, never wants anyone’s opinion on things, and believes only she should be given the right to make decisions concerning her children, including how to discipline them. Anyway, we went for a family vacation, and a huge fight broke out between my sister and mom.

Mom got very violent. She grabbed my sister’s hair, pulled it, and grabbed a stick, intending to seriously beat my sister. I was upstairs; I heard the commotion. I knew something was up.

I told my brother and younger sister to lock the room, and I went out to help my sister. By the time I was coming downstairs, my sister was running upstairs for her life, literally running, and she was crying. She was scared and hyperventilating.

She ran to a room and locked herself in. My mom, seconds later, came running with a gigantic stick, screaming my sister’s name. Our vacation villa is quite big, so she started looking in all the upstairs rooms for my sister, screaming, “Where are you? Open up! Where are you?”

Then my mom suddenly looked at me and screamed, “Where is that girl?” I kept my mouth shut because I knew my sister’s life was in literal danger.

This is when my dad ran inside the house and told us that the neighbors heard a commotion. He noticed the huge stick in my mom’s hands, and he said, “Put the stick down, or else I’ll call the authorities.” After some minutes, my mom came down, and my dad managed to remove the stick from her hands.

She immediately started crying, and my mom fell into my dad’s arms. My dad hugged her and asked what happened. Apparently, the dining table was messy, and she asked my sister to clean it up, but my sister refused.

I was shocked and angry. “WTF? You threatened to beat my sister and pulled out her hair!” I noticed because there was hair on the staircase, obviously from my sister, because she refused to clean the dining table. I started screaming at my mom.

My mom got pissed and started screaming at me, “You’re supporting that girl! You’ve changed! How can you support her? You’ve even started to talk against your own mom! You’ve started talking back to me after what I’ve done for you!” and so on.

She suddenly out of nowhere started demanding for our phones. “WTF? Give them back! They’ve completely changed my daughters; they no longer respect me, and they have ruined our relationship.” I told her no, obviously.

A whole new argument started where she was screaming, “Give them back! They are mine! Bla bla bla.” My dad told me to just give them to her to save the peace, and we’ll talk about this later. “WTF?”

I gave mine, and later on, by the way, my sister was still locked in the room because she was scared. My dad called for a family meeting. My sister finally came out, and we all sat and talked.

We told Dad all the problems we have with Mom. She started denying everything except the violence. At this point, I just wanted to die. “WTF, bro? I’m so tired.” Dad told her to stop denying.

Another argument started. Mom asked for my sister’s phone. My sister said no. Another fight. My sister said she’ll get a job and pay the money for the phone. Mom said no; she wanted it now. Dad said to just give the phone since it’s her who bought them, and he’ll buy us phones.

Mom got pissed and started screaming at Dad that he’s supporting us. By the way, they always fight, “always,” but this was big. And my dad said yes, he is supporting us because she’s wrong, and this isn’t how a mom should behave.

Mom

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments reveal a strong consensus around NTA due to the abusive behaviors exhibited by the mother and the emotional toll it has taken on the children. Most users agree that prioritizing mental and emotional well-being is crucial, emphasizing that the mother’s actions are unacceptable and that taking space is a valid response until she acknowledges her behavior and seeks help.

Overall Verdict

NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving Family Conflict

Family dynamics can be incredibly complex, especially when dealing with issues of abuse and emotional turmoil. It’s important to approach this situation with empathy and a focus on healing. Here are some practical steps for both the daughters and the mother to consider in resolving the conflict:

For the Daughters

Prioritize Your Well-Being: Recognize that your mental and emotional health is paramount. It’s okay to take space from your mother until she acknowledges her behavior.
Seek Support: Talk to trusted friends, family members, or a therapist who can provide guidance and help you process your feelings.
Communicate Boundaries: If you feel safe doing so, express your feelings to your mother about her behavior. Use “I” statements to convey how her actions affect you, such as “I feel scared when you raise your voice.”
Consider Family Therapy: If your mother is open to it in the future, suggest family therapy as a way to facilitate communication and healing. This can provide a safe space for everyone to express their feelings.
Document Your Feelings: Keep a journal to track your emotions and experiences. This can help you articulate your feelings better when discussing them with others.

For the Mother

Reflect on Your Behavior: Take time to consider the impact of your actions on your daughters. Acknowledge any abusive behavior and the need for change.
Seek Professional Help: Consider individual therapy to address underlying issues that may be contributing to your behavior. A professional can help you develop healthier coping mechanisms.
Open Communication: When ready, reach out to your daughters to express your desire to understand their feelings. Approach them with empathy and a willingness to listen without becoming defensive.
Apologize and Take Responsibility: If you recognize your past actions as abusive, offer a sincere apology. Acknowledge the pain you may have caused and express your commitment to change.
Be Patient: Understand that rebuilding trust takes time. Allow your daughters to set the pace for communication and reconciliation.

Moving Forward

Conflict resolution in families, especially in cases of abuse, is a delicate process. It requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to change from all parties involved. By taking these steps, both the daughters and the mother can work towards healing and rebuilding their relationship in a healthier way.