AITAH For Not Having S*x When My Boyfriend Hasn’t Been Wanting To Work/pay Bills?

AITAH for not having sx when my boyfriend hasn’t been wanting to work/pay bills?

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Struggling with a Partner’s Funk: A Relationship Dilemma

When a boyfriend’s lack of motivation leads to financial stress and emotional strain, how far should a partner go to support him? After months of playing video games and neglecting responsibilities, a girlfriend finds herself overwhelmed by the burden of their shared bills and household chores. Despite her attempts to encourage him and suggest therapy, his blame-shifting and demands for intimacy leave her feeling frustrated and unappreciated. This relatable scenario raises questions about the balance between support and self-preservation in relationships, especially when mental health issues come into play.

Family Drama and Conflict Resolution in a Relationship

In a challenging relationship dynamic, a 26-year-old woman is grappling with her boyfriend’s recent behavior and its impact on their shared responsibilities. Here’s a breakdown of the situation:

Boyfriend’s Situation:
- 29-year-old boyfriend has been experiencing a prolonged funk for the past 1.5 months.
- His primary job in a union has slowed down, leading him to rely on gig work like DoorDash and Uber.
- He has been late on rent and other bills, causing stress for both partners.
- Spends late nights playing video games, resulting in a disrupted daily routine.
Impact on Relationship:
- The girlfriend feels overwhelmed by the financial strain, as both names are on the lease.
- Attempts to encourage him to work have been met with negativity and blame directed at her.
- Despite her efforts to support him, he continues to express dissatisfaction and frustration.
Efforts for Conflict Resolution:
- The girlfriend has tried to provide pep talks and suggest fun activities to lift his spirits.
- She has recommended seeking therapy to address his mental health concerns.
- Her suggestions have been met with resistance, and he continues to focus on his negative feelings.
Intimacy Issues:
- Due to the ongoing stress from financial issues and household responsibilities, the girlfriend has turned down his advances for intimacy.
- She explained that stress can affect her sex drive, especially when he is not contributing to their shared responsibilities.
- His playful comments about intimacy were dismissed, leading to feelings of anger and hurt on his part.

This situation highlights the complexities of family drama and the challenges of conflict resolution within a relationship. The girlfriend is navigating her own stress while trying to support her partner, who is struggling with his mental health and responsibilities. The tension surrounding their wedding plans, if applicable, could further complicate their relationship dynamics.

Ultimately, both partners may need to engage in open communication to address their feelings and find a path forward that supports both their emotional and financial well-being.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

My boyfriend (29m) has been in a funk for the last 1.5 months and has not wanted to work. His union work slowed down 2 months ago, so he is door dashing for the winter until spring when his union job picks back up. He was 3 weeks late on rent last month and will be late again this month, along with his other bills.

He has barely wanted to get out of the house to work, but he has had plenty of time to. Instead, he stays up late playing video games until 4-5 am and sleeps all day. He has stressed me out considerably with the rent issue because both our names are on the lease.

I tried to get him to work for the last 3 days, and all I heard today was how shitty life is, blaming me for his depression, etc. He is just straight up being so negative. Even after him blaming me for his depression, I (26f) tried giving him multiple pep talks about little things he could do in his daily routine that would help his mental health.

I told him we should plan a fun date soon or just do something fun to get him out of the house and out of his funk. I was being super gentle with him, and I mentioned that seeing a therapist for a bit might help if he needed it. He asked for sex earlier, and I turned him down because, frankly, all I’ve been is stressed that he has no concern to go work for rent money, his car insurance, phone bill, etc.

Let alone when he’s in a funk, he barely helps with any household chores. It’s like pulling teeth to get him to take the garbage out. I try to be considerate of this, but also not helping with household stuff is putting stress on my shoulders.

He told me earlier to “bend over” for him in a playful way, and frankly, I politely dismissed it. I tried to explain to him that stress can deplete a woman’s sex drive, and if her man isn’t doing his job and helping pay our bills, that doesn’t put me in a sexy mood whatsoever because I am just stressed. Now he is feeling mad and hurt that I denied him.

Am I the asshole?

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments reveal a strong consensus around NTA due to the partner’s lack of support and emotional contribution to the relationship. Most users agree that the OP should reconsider the relationship, emphasizing that she is not obligated to fulfill her partner’s needs without receiving support in return, highlighting the importance of mutual effort in a partnership.

Users express concern over the partner’s behavior, labeling it as a red flag.
There is a call for the partner to take responsibility for his own issues instead of placing the burden on the OP.

Overall, the comments advocate for the OP to prioritize her own well-being and set clear boundaries.

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

In navigating the complexities of this relationship, it’s essential for both partners to engage in open communication and take proactive steps towards resolution. Here are some practical steps for both the girlfriend and boyfriend to consider:

For the Girlfriend:

Set Clear Boundaries: Clearly communicate your limits regarding financial responsibilities and emotional support. Let your boyfriend know how his actions are affecting you and the relationship.
Encourage Professional Help: Gently suggest that he seek therapy or counseling. Frame it as a positive step for his well-being rather than a criticism of his current state.
Prioritize Self-Care: Make time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation. This will help you manage your stress and maintain your emotional health.
Consider a Relationship Check-In: Schedule a time to discuss the relationship openly. Use “I” statements to express your feelings without placing blame, such as “I feel overwhelmed when…”

For the Boyfriend:

Reflect on Your Feelings: Take time to understand your emotions and the reasons behind your current funk. Acknowledging your feelings is the first step towards addressing them.
Take Responsibility: Recognize that your actions impact your girlfriend and the relationship. Consider how you can contribute more to shared responsibilities.
Seek Support: Whether through therapy, friends, or family, find a support system to help you navigate your feelings and challenges. This can provide you with new perspectives and coping strategies.
Communicate Openly: Share your struggles with your girlfriend. Let her know what you need from her and how she can support you, while also being receptive to her needs.

Joint Steps for Both Partners:

Engage in Active Listening: During discussions, practice active listening. This means truly hearing each other’s concerns without interrupting or becoming defensive.
Establish a Plan Together: Work together to create a plan for managing finances and household responsibilities. This can help alleviate some of the stress and create a sense of teamwork.
Schedule Regular Check-Ins: Make it a habit to check in with each other about how you’re feeling in the relationship. This can help prevent misunderstandings and build a stronger connection.

Ultimately, both partners must be willing to put in the effort to improve the relationship. By addressing individual needs and fostering open communication, they can work towards a healthier and more supportive partnership.