AITAH For Ghosting My Grandmother And Fighting My Mom About It?

AITAH For Ghosting My Grandmother and Fighting My Mom About It?

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Family Dynamics and Unfair Treatment: A Tense Confrontation

In a household where affection is scarce, a young adult grapples with the stark contrast between their mother’s coldness and their grandmother’s favoritism towards her sons. As tensions rise during a family visit post-surgery, the protagonist’s frustration boils over when their grandmother’s dismissive behavior towards their father becomes too much to bear. This relatable tale explores the complexities of familial love, loyalty, and the struggle for recognition in a culture that often prioritizes certain relationships over others. Can one stand up for their loved ones without crossing the line into disrespect?

Family Drama and Conflict Resolution: A Wedding Tension Story

The relationship between the narrator and their mother has always been strained, primarily due to a lack of affection from the mother, which contrasts sharply with the warmth shown towards the grandmother. This dynamic has led to feelings of jealousy and resentment over time.

Background: The narrator feels neglected by their mother, who is affectionate towards the grandmother but not towards them.
Grandmother’s Favoritism: The grandmother has four children, favoring her sons over her daughter (the narrator’s mother), often treating them like royalty and doing all the chores for them.
Exploitation of the Narrator’s Father: The grandmother frequently relies on the narrator’s father for transportation and assistance, which the narrator perceives as taking advantage of him.
Religious Context: The grandmother, a Muslim, avoids physical contact with men, which confuses the narrator since their mother does not adhere to the same strictness.

Conflict escalated when the grandmother visited after a recent surgery, during which the narrator’s mother covered the medical expenses. The grandmother hugged her male doctor post-surgery, disregarding her own religious beliefs, and referred to him as her “fourth son,” which deeply offended the narrator’s father.

Turning Point: The narrator began to ignore the grandmother, feeling uncomfortable with her presence and her demands for chores.
Confrontation: After being asked to do chores, the narrator expressed their frustration, stating they were not responsible for the grandmother’s needs.
Mother’s Reaction: The mother was furious at the narrator for their outburst, leading to a heated argument between them.

The narrator’s father supported their feelings but advised against being rude to an elderly woman recovering from surgery. This advice led the narrator to feel guilty, yet they remained angry at both the grandmother for her treatment of their father and at the mother for defending her.

Current Situation: The narrator and their mother are not speaking, creating a rift in the family.
Emotional Impact: The narrator feels hurt by their mother’s fierce protection of the grandmother, which they perceive as enabling poor behavior.

In conclusion, the narrator is left questioning their role in this family drama and whether they are in the wrong for their reaction. They seek guidance on how to navigate this complex situation and restore peace within the family while addressing the underlying issues of favoritism and exploitation.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

For context, I have a stormy relationship with my mother. My main issue with her is the fact that she’s never been affectionate towards me like my dad was. I could brush it off as a part of her general attitude.

However, I know for a fact that she’s actually very sweet and affectionate with my grandmother. They really get along well, always supporting each other and sharing a strong bond. Initially, this wasn’t a problem for me since my grandmother was also nice to me anyway.

Sure, I was a bit jealous, but it wasn’t something that I couldn’t overcome with time. However, as I grew older, I noticed the unfair treatment of my grandmother regarding her own children. She has four children: one daughter, my mom, and three sons.

She often favors her sons over my mom and treats them like kings. In fact, she doesn’t even let them lift a finger and does all the chores for them. They live together, and one of my uncles has been unemployed for decades now.

Additionally, she only comes to visit my mother either when she’s sick and needs my mother to cover her hospital fees—she doesn’t have insurance for some reason—or during the holidays so she can use my dad as her personal driver.

For better insight, let me clear it up. My dad spent his entire summer driving my grandmother and uncles to take them to the beach, bars, and shopping centers. He was also handling their groceries as well.

This is the main reason why I strongly dislike them; I feel like they’re taking advantage of my dad. But despite using my dad as a servant, she never truly appreciated him. She’s a Muslim, so she avoids physical touch, at least when it comes to men.

I don’t understand this since my mom is also a Muslim, but she has no problem with making physical contact with her male friends or co-workers. My dad was lowkey offended by that. But he isn’t the type of person who likes making a scene.

That’s why he kept his quiet for so long and didn’t complain about it. Even when he brought this up with my mother once, she dismissed him, saying that was a part of their religion. That seemed like a weak excuse for both me and my dad, but we didn’t push it further.

Anyway, the real problem started when my grandmother came to my parents’ house because of a recent surgery last week; obviously, my mom covered the expenses. After the operation, she went to hug her doctor, even though her doctor was a guy and she isn’t supposed to touch men according to her religion.

And heck, she even said that the doctor was like her fourth son now when my dad was literally standing there right beside him. Like, he’s her son-in-law who was doing all the labor for her, and yet she can’t acknowledge my dad as a son? Even the doctor seemed a bit uncomfortable by that remark, and he joked about my dad not existing.

That was the last straw for me. From that moment on, I started to ignore her completely. Although I can’t say I was pleased with her presence in my parents’ house in the first place.

I can visit my parents only twice a year due to college, and I prefer to spend one-on-one time with them without her presence disturbing me. At first, she didn’t seem to notice that I was ignoring her. Thus, she kept demanding me to do chores like she’s literally a guest here; who is she to demand?

I eventually let my anger get the better of me and scolded her, saying I wasn’t making her do any extra chores and therefore she can’t ask me to do it for her either. I wasn’t asking her to do anything; I was handling my own chores and certainly not responsible for hers. She was taken aback by my reaction since she never really saw me so angry before.

But she didn’t utter a word. However, she later talked to my mother about it. And needless to say, my mom was enraged.

She scolded me for mistreating my grandmother, even though I didn’t even do anything to her. I yelled back at her and pointed out how she had no right to ask me anything. We argued back and forth, and now we’re not speaking to one another.

My dad found out what happened; obviously, he’s completely on my side. But he still told me that I shouldn’t be so rude towards an older woman who just went through surgery. When he put it like that, I kinda felt guilty for my behavior.

But I’m still too angry at my grandmother for treating my dad like that. And I’m also angry at my mom for enabling this behavior. A part of me is also hurt by the fact that my mom is so fiercely protective of my grandmother, so much so that she had no qualms about fighting me.

Am I really the AH here? How should I handle this situation?

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments reveal a strong consensus around NTA due to the perceived favoritism shown by the grandmother and the unfair expectations placed on the user’s parents. Most users agree that while the user could have approached the situation more tactfully, their frustration is justified, highlighting the importance of setting boundaries within family dynamics.

The grandmother’s behavior is seen as manipulative and unfair.
Users emphasize the need for the user’s mother to establish her own boundaries.

Expert Advice for Resolving Family Conflict

Family dynamics can be incredibly complex, especially when feelings of favoritism and neglect come into play. It’s important to approach this situation with empathy and a willingness to communicate openly. Here are some practical steps to help navigate this conflict:

For the Narrator

Reflect on Your Feelings: Take some time to understand your emotions. Acknowledge your feelings of neglect and resentment, but also consider how these feelings may affect your interactions with your family.
Communicate Calmly: When you feel ready, initiate a conversation with your mother. Choose a calm moment to express your feelings without placing blame. Use “I” statements, such as “I feel hurt when I see you being affectionate towards Grandma but not towards me.”
Set Boundaries: Clearly communicate your boundaries regarding your grandmother’s demands. Let your mother know that while you care for Grandma, you cannot be responsible for her needs, especially if they feel exploitative.
Seek Support: Talk to your father about your feelings and seek his support in addressing the family dynamics. Having a united front can help reinforce your position.
Consider Professional Help: If the conflict continues, consider family therapy. A neutral third party can facilitate discussions and help everyone express their feelings in a constructive manner.

For the Mother

Listen to Your Child: Make an effort to listen to your child’s concerns without becoming defensive. Acknowledge their feelings and validate their experiences.
Reflect on Your Actions: Consider how your behavior towards your mother and your child may be perceived. Are you unintentionally enabling your mother’s favoritism?
Establish Boundaries with Your Mother: It’s important to set boundaries with your own mother regarding her expectations of you and your family. Communicate that while you want to support her, it cannot come at the expense of your immediate family’s well-being.
Encourage Open Dialogue: Foster an environment where your child feels safe expressing their feelings. Encourage family discussions that allow everyone to voice their concerns and feelings.
Seek Support for Yourself: Consider talking to a therapist or counselor to help you navigate your feelings about your mother and your relationship with your child.

For the Grandmother

Recognize Your Impact: Reflect on how your actions may affect your family dynamics. Acknowledge that favoritism can create rifts and hurt feelings.
Communicate Openly: If possible, have a conversation with your granddaughter about her feelings. Apologize if your actions have hurt her and express your desire to improve the relationship.
Respect Boundaries: Understand and respect the boundaries set by your daughter and granddaughter. Avoid placing demands on them that may feel exploitative.

By taking these steps, each family member can work towards understanding one another better and healing the rifts that have formed. Remember, open communication and empathy are key to resolving family conflicts.