AITAH For Causing A Scene At Dinner After Finding Out My Rapist Was Sent After Me On Purpose?

AITAH for causing a scene at dinner after finding out my rapist was sent after me on purpose?

When the Past Comes Back to Haunt

A young woman grapples with the shocking revelation that her past trauma was not just a random act of violence, but a calculated plan by those she once trusted. After an unexpected encounter at a dinner with old friends, she learns that her rape was orchestrated by her abuser and his best friend, leaving her feeling betrayed and enraged. As she confronts the painful truth, her emotional outburst is met with backlash, forcing her to question whether her reaction was justified or if she truly crossed a line. This story resonates deeply with anyone who has faced betrayal or struggled to reclaim their narrative in the aftermath of trauma.

Am I the Asshole for My Reaction to a Disturbing Revelation?

A 26-year-old woman shares her experience of a traumatic past and a recent confrontation that has led to family drama and conflict resolution questions. Here’s a summary of her story:

Background: The narrator, referred to as “I,” experienced severe trauma during her first year of college when her abusive ex, Tyler, attempted to kill her. Despite reporting the incident, the school covered it up.
Friendship with Chris: After the incident, Tyler’s best friend, Chris, reached out to apologize for Tyler’s actions. They developed a friendship, but Chris later raped her, which she initially dismissed as another act of violence.
Moving On: After dropping out of college, she tried to move on with her life, distancing herself from the traumatic events.
Unexpected Reunion: Recently, while visiting her old college town, she attended a dinner with friends, including Jess, her college best friend. Unbeknownst to her, Chris, her rapist, was also present.
Confrontation: During the dinner, Sarah, Chris’s current girlfriend, asked if she had “gotten over” Chris. This question triggered a strong emotional response, leading to a confrontation where she expressed her anger at Jess for not warning her about Chris’s presence.
Shocking Revelation: As tensions escalated, Sarah revealed that Chris and Tyler had planned her rape as revenge for her actions against Tyler. Jess, who had been aware of this plan, remained silent during the confrontation.
Emotional Breakdown: Overwhelmed by the revelation, the narrator reacted by flipping the table and screaming at everyone involved. She was eventually asked to leave the restaurant.
Aftermath: Following the incident, she contacted Jess for clarification and learned that the plan to rape her had been premeditated. Now, she faces backlash from friends and family, who claim she overreacted and are upset because Sarah is pregnant.

The narrator is left questioning her reaction and whether she is the “asshole” in this situation. She grapples with feelings of betrayal, anger, and the need for conflict resolution amidst the ongoing family drama.

This is Original story from Reddit

Story

I 26F recently found out that my rape was planned, and now I’m being called unhinged and dramatic for how I reacted. I need to know if I crossed the line.

Changing names for the story: Tyler – my abusive ex, Chris – Tyler’s best friend, Sarah – Chris’s current girlfriend, Jess – my college bestie.

My first year of college at 19, my abuser, Tyler, tried to kill me. I reported it to the school, and basically, a long story to explain, the school covered it up and made me stay quiet about it. Fast forward a few months after that, Chris reaches out to me to apologize for his best friend’s actions, i.e., him abusing me and trying to kill me; we become pretty close friends for a few months.

Fast forward a few months later, Chris rapes me. At the time, I figured it was just another random act of violence. I eventually drop out of college and move on with my life.

Fast forward to this past Thursday. I am in town where I went to college to visit my niece and nephew, and my old college bestie Jess invites me to a dinner with some of our old college friends. After I know what I know now, I deeply, DEEPLY regret not asking her who would be there.

I show up to the dinner, and at the FREAKING TABLE IS CHRIS. I’m already sick to my stomach at the fact that Jess wouldn’t warn me that my RAPIST would be at the dinner. I’m not a very confrontational person, so I said nothing.

In the grand scheme of things, I definitely should have turned around and left. But my no backbone having ass did not. Anyways, the dinner is going okay. People are drinking and laughing and having a good time until Sarah opens her mouth.

Sarah decides to ask me if I ever got over Chris. I look at her dumbfounded because what the hell do you mean did I get over Chris—MY RAPIST? I ask her why she would ever ask me something like that and proceed to tell her she’s disgusting for even asking me that. I decide I want to leave.

At the time, I’m also mad at Jess; she didn’t say a single thing. As I’m about to leave, I tell Jess in front of everyone that I think she should have said something to defend me or at least let Sarah know what she asked wasn’t okay. Sarah says something along the lines of “Jess isn’t your friend if she never told you the truth.” That makes me stop dead in my tracks, so I ask Jess what she’s talking about, and she literally says nothing.

Sarah then starts scrolling through her phone, saying she’s got to show me something. Again, I should have just left; she turns her phone around, and I look at a screenshot of texts. Before I could really read them, Sarah snatches her phone away and laughs, then says, “You think your little rape was a coincidence?” At this point, Sarah is like drunk, DRUNK, and now Chris is stepping in to tell her to shut the f up.

I turn to Jess and again ask her what Sarah is talking about. Mind you, other people are at this table too; she still says nothing, but she looks like she’s gonna cry. Finally, I start raising my voice, asking someone to explain.

Sarah then says, “Chris and Tyler planned your rape as a get back for trying to ruin Tyler’s life.” He got kicked out eventually for trying to kill me—long story too—and Jess knew the entire time. I couldn’t even think straight.

I’m not gonna lie; I straight blacked out, and I lost it. I remember flipping the table over; I remember screaming at Sarah, Chris, and Jess. Eventually, I was asked to leave by the restaurant staff, so I did.

I called Jess later because I wanted answers, and she informed me that Tyler and Chris had been talking for months. Tyler was feeding Chris information on how to get closer to me and told me that their original plan was to get me to voluntarily sleep with him so they could film it. That was going to be how they got me back; instead, because I wasn’t falling for Chris, they decided the punishment would be to rape me, and she knew the entire time.

Now everyone is texting me, telling me I overreacted. That it was years ago. AND everyone is mad at me because Sarah is pregnant with Chris’s baby, and I had no right to cause a pregnant woman so much stress.

Am I truly the asshole? Did I really overreact?

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the original poster (OP) should take action against the individuals involved in the situation, particularly by contacting the police. Many users express outrage over the behavior of Sarah and Chris, emphasizing the need for accountability and suggesting that there may be legal grounds for charges, including conspiracy. Overall, the comments reflect a clear stance that the OP is not at fault for their reaction and should pursue justice.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

In light of the traumatic experiences shared by the original poster (OP) and the subsequent fallout from the confrontation, it’s essential to approach this situation with empathy and a focus on healing and accountability. Here are some practical steps for both the OP and the individuals involved:

For the Original Poster (OP)

Seek Professional Support: Consider reaching out to a therapist or counselor who specializes in trauma. Processing these events with a professional can help you navigate your emotions and develop coping strategies.
Document Everything: Keep a detailed record of the events, including conversations and any evidence related to the threats and actions taken against you. This documentation can be crucial if you decide to pursue legal action.
Contact Authorities: Given the serious nature of the revelations, consider reporting the incident to the police. They can provide guidance on the legal options available to you and may initiate an investigation.
Set Boundaries: It’s important to establish clear boundaries with individuals who have betrayed your trust. Communicate your feelings to Jess and others involved, and consider distancing yourself from those who do not support your healing process.
Focus on Self-Care: Engage in activities that promote your well-being, whether it’s spending time with supportive friends, practicing mindfulness, or pursuing hobbies that bring you joy.

For Jess and Others Involved

Reflect on Your Actions: Take time to consider the impact of your silence and decisions. Acknowledge the pain caused by not disclosing the truth about Chris and Tyler’s intentions.
Apologize Sincerely: If you feel it’s appropriate, reach out to the OP with a heartfelt apology. Acknowledge the betrayal and express your commitment to supporting her moving forward.
Encourage Accountability: Support the OP in her decision to seek justice. Encourage Chris and Sarah to take responsibility for their actions and understand the gravity of the situation.
Educate Yourself: Take the time to learn about trauma, consent, and the effects of violence. This knowledge can help you become a better ally and advocate for those who have experienced similar situations.
Be Supportive: Offer your support to the OP in whatever way she needs, whether it’s listening, helping her find resources, or simply being there for her during this difficult time.

Ultimately, healing from trauma is a complex journey that requires understanding, support, and accountability. By taking these steps, both the OP and those involved can work towards resolution and healing.