AITA? I Told My Fiancé I Would Not Take Care Of An English Bulldog If We Got One.

AITA? I told my fiancé I would not take care of an English bulldog if we got one.

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Dog Dilemma: A Fiancé’s Love vs. a Partner’s Reluctance

In a heartfelt debate, a woman grapples with her fiancé’s desire for a bulldog, a breed she finds ethically troubling and high-maintenance. Despite his childhood affection for the breed, she fears the burden of care will fall solely on her, especially given their future plans to move to a hotter climate. This relatable conflict raises questions about compromise in relationships and the responsibilities of pet ownership, making it a thought-provoking read for anyone who’s navigated differing opinions on family pets.

Family Drama Over Bulldog Ownership

In a recent discussion about pet ownership, a couple found themselves in a conflict regarding the possibility of bringing a bulldog into their home. The fianc, who has a deep-rooted love for bulldogs stemming from his childhood, is eager to own one. However, his partner has strong reservations about the breed. Below are the key points of their disagreement:

Fianc’s Background with Bulldogs:
- Grew up with bulldogs as family pets.
- Close family members are involved in the national kennel club, breeding and showing dogs with championship bloodlines.
Partner’s Concerns:
- Not a dog person and particularly dislikes bulldogs for several reasons:
- Ethical Concerns: Believes bulldogs are not an ethical breed and does not want to contribute to their breeding market.
- Health Issues: Concerned about the extensive health problems associated with bulldogs, including high veterinary bills.
- Care Requirements: Acknowledges that the majority of daily care would fall on her, which she is not willing to undertake.
- Activity Level: Prefers a more active dog for outdoor adventures, unlike bulldogs, which are less active.
- Allergies and Sensitivities: Experiences discomfort from the coarse hair and snoring noises of bulldogs.
Current Situation:
- The couple frequently disagrees on the topic of bulldog ownership.
- The partner expressed that with her fianc working long hours, it would be unfair for her to take on the responsibility of a bulldog.
- She respects his love for the breed but feels it would be an undue burden on her.
Conflict Resolution:
- The partner is conflicted about whether she is being unreasonable by not wanting to care for a dog she does not like.
- She believes that discussing the issue now is important, even though they do not currently own a bulldog.

In summary, the couple is navigating a challenging conversation about pet ownership, highlighting the complexities of family drama and differing preferences. The partner’s concerns about the ethical implications, health issues, and care responsibilities create significant wedding tension as they seek a resolution that respects both their viewpoints.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

My fiancé has always been around bulldogs; they were his childhood pets. Naturally, he absolutely loves them. Some of his close family members are part of the national kennel club, show them in dog shows, and breed them—all registered with proper health testing, etc. Very much NOT backyard breeders.

In the event we would own a bulldog, we would likely receive a top-of-the-line bred dog with a championship-winning bloodline. I am not a huge dog person to begin with, but I especially am not a fan of this breed. I don’t like them for a variety of reasons, which I’ll list below, but my main protest is that due to our work situation, I would be responsible for 90% of its care.

I am 100% prepared to take care of and love a family pet; however, I’ve made it clear that I do not want a bulldog. I’m not willing to provide the extensive level of daily care they require. To provide background as to why I don’t like/don’t want a bulldog:

I don’t think they are an ethical dog breed. I don’t support their breeding; I don’t want to contribute to that market, nor do I want to own such a controversial breed.
The extensive health issues and potential for super high vet bills. He argues that their breathing is perfectly healthy; however, I strongly disagree. We also plan to move to a hot climate within 5-10 years, which isn’t really compatible with a bulldog due to their heat sensitivity.
High maintenance daily cleaning of their skin folds, ears, and tail would be my responsibility. Honestly, I’m just not down for that.
They’re not an active dog. I want a dog I can take hiking or on adventures, not a dog that can’t handle a 45-minute walk.
I’m not a fan of their personalities.
Their hair is so coarse it makes me itchy all over, irritates my nose and eyes, and it sticks to absolutely everything.
The snoring and snarling noises. I’m a light sleeper.

The reason I’m posting is that my fiancé and I frequently disagree on this topic. Today, I told him that with him working away long hours while I’m at home all the time, it wouldn’t be fair to me or the dog for us to own one because I’m not willing to provide such extensive daily care. I understand and respect that he loves this breed, but I genuinely don’t want the burden of responsibility shoved onto me just so he can own the dog breed he had as a kid.

I feel like I could be the AH since I’m pretty much telling him I wouldn’t take care of an innocent animal—that’s obviously not right. However, I also feel like I might not be the AH because this right now is all hypothetical since we don’t own one. I’m just trying to convey the point that we SHOULDN’T own one.

TL;DR: My fiancé wants a bulldog because he’s always had them; I don’t want one because I’d be solely responsible for it when I don’t like them, don’t want one, and don’t want to deal with the upkeep they require.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the original poster (OP) is NTA for not wanting a bulldog due to the breed’s extensive care requirements and health issues. Many users emphasize the importance of being on the same page as a couple regarding pet ownership, especially when one partner is often away and the other would bear the brunt of the care. Additionally, there are concerns about the ethical implications of breeding bulldogs, highlighting the breed’s significant health problems and maintenance needs.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Bulldog Ownership Conflict

Navigating disagreements about pet ownership can be challenging, especially when both partners have strong feelings and valid concerns. Here are some practical steps to help the couple find common ground while addressing both sides of the issue:

1. Open Communication

It’s essential for both partners to express their feelings and concerns openly. Set aside time for a calm discussion where each person can share their perspective without interruption.

2. Acknowledge Each Other’s Feelings

Both partners should validate each other’s feelings. The fianc should understand the partner’s ethical concerns and health worries, while the partner should recognize the fianc’s emotional connection to bulldogs.

3. Explore Compromises

Consider Alternative Breeds: Discuss the possibility of adopting a different breed that aligns more closely with both partners’ preferences and lifestyle.
Shared Responsibilities: If they decide to pursue bulldog ownership, create a plan that outlines how responsibilities will be shared, especially considering the fianc’s work schedule.
Trial Period: Consider fostering a bulldog temporarily to see how it fits into their lives before making a long-term commitment.

4. Research Together

Both partners should research bulldogs together, focusing on their care requirements, health issues, and ethical considerations. This can help the partner feel more informed and may address some of her concerns.

5. Seek Professional Guidance

If the conflict persists, consider consulting a pet behaviorist or a couple’s therapist who specializes in pet-related issues. They can provide insights and facilitate a constructive conversation.

6. Set Boundaries

If the couple ultimately decides against bulldog ownership, it’s important to set boundaries regarding future discussions about pets. Agree to revisit the topic only when both partners feel ready.

7. Focus on the Relationship

Remind each other that the relationship is the priority. Finding a resolution that respects both partners’ feelings will strengthen their bond and help them navigate future disagreements more effectively.

By approaching the situation with empathy and a willingness to compromise, the couple can work towards a solution that honors both their perspectives and strengthens their partnership.