AITA For Yelling At My Dad After He Yelled At Me For Doing Housework?

AITA for yelling at my dad after he yelled at me for doing housework?

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Is Respect Always Earned or Given?

In a household of 11, a recent high school graduate finds himself juggling multiple jobs, family responsibilities, and the weight of his father’s old-school expectations. After a long day of caring for horses and tackling an overwhelming list of chores, he faces an explosive confrontation with his father over a minor mess. The clash raises questions about respect, generational differences, and the pressures of adulting while still living at home. This relatable story resonates with many young adults navigating family dynamics and the struggle for independence in a demanding environment.

Family Drama and Conflict Resolution: A Young Adult’s Struggle

A recent high school graduate, an 18-year-old male, finds himself navigating a complex family dynamic while living at home with his parents and ten siblings. Here’s a breakdown of the situation:

Background:
- Graduated high school a few weeks ago.
- Works two jobs: one part-time and one casual.
- Responsible for personal expenses like car, food, and phone.
- Lives at home to support his overwhelmed mother, who manages the household.
- Acts as a caretaker for younger siblings and animals on the property.
Recent Events:
- On a day off, he completed several light chores around the house.
- Received a call from his father about horses escaping, leading to a stressful situation.
- After returning home, he found a long list of chores from his mother, which he completed over eight hours.
Conflict with Father:
- After a long day, he returned home muddy from working with the horses.
- Faced immediate criticism from his father for being dirty and creating a mess.
- In a moment of frustration, he raised his voice and expressed his feelings about the household responsibilities.
- His father, adhering to traditional values, reacted strongly, leading to a physical reprimand.
Reflection:
- The young adult acknowledges that yelling back was disrespectful but felt overwhelmed and tired.
- He emphasizes that his mother is doing her best and does not blame her for the situation.
- Clarifies that his father does not mistreat younger siblings and that he is compensated for certain chores.

This situation highlights the tension often present in large families, especially when responsibilities are unevenly distributed. The young adult’s desire for conflict resolution and understanding within the family is evident, but the clash of traditional values and modern expectations complicates matters. As he navigates this family drama, he seeks to find a balance between respect for his parents and asserting his own needs as a young adult.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

I, 18m, have just graduated high school no more than a few weeks ago. I have two jobs: one part-time and one casual, and I am paying for my own car, food, phone, etc. I do, however, still live at home.

Now, before I get attacked for living at home even though I’m an adult, let me tell you why. I’m the middle child of 11. I have three younger siblings that I babysit often, but my mother is honestly stretched past her limit.

She works and still takes care of everyone; my father isn’t much help either. We live on a big property, so it’s convenient for me to live at home since most of the animals are mine, and I take care of them all. Plus, I do most of the yard work and maintenance since the rest of my older siblings don’t live at home anymore; some are off at university, and most of them have their own families and live in town.

Now that’s out of the way, onto the actual situation. Yesterday, I had a day off, so I decided to do some light chores: clean the kitchen, water the plants, and chuck in a load of washing. I then got a call from my father telling me that the horses had gotten out.

I went to get them, which, anyone who has a bunch of horses will tell you, was stressful as they jumped the grid. Not only that, if they had decided to go left instead of right when they got out, it would have led them to the highway. When I finally got back home, I looked at my phone to find the following list of chores from my mother:

Poison the Bindies
Give the horses skin treatment
5 loads of washing
Scrub all toilets and showers
Vacuum and mop
Fix light in guest bedroom
Clean fans
Clean oven and microwave
Take cats to vet
Take kids to event
Clean litters
Give dogs tick treatment
Groundwork the horses
Groom all horses

Now, I don’t mind doing chores, but that was a little much in my opinion. However, my mother is an angel, and I would do anything for her, so I did it—all of it. After about 8 hours, I got home from our yards after giving two of our horses a skin treatment, one of which needed an injection.

Now, I don’t know about most horse owners, but giving an oil-based injection to a Clydesdale mare that doesn’t get worked that often and doesn’t get vet visits is not exactly easy. Anyway, when I got home, I was muddy. It’s been raining a lot, and the horse knocked me around a bit, I’ll admit.

I took my boots off and stepped inside and immediately started getting yelled at by my father, who had gotten back from work while I was over treating the horses. “Where have you been? Why are you all muddy? Get your fucking dirty clothes off, you fucking grubby bastard. Have a fucking shower and clean this mess up.” Um… what the fuck? I literally just stepped through the door, and the mess was a spray bottle of poison I left on the bench.

So I lost my cool and yelled at him that it’s one spray bottle and it’s not gonna kill him. It’s not that big of a deal. It’s worth mentioning that my dad is old school, so there are some things that you just don’t do unless you want to get a boot thrown at you.

No swearing around adults, your elders get immediate respect no matter what or who they are, no fighting in the house, and definitely no talking back. So yeah, I talked back, and with a tone at that. I reckon he almost gave himself a hernia with the way he yelled at me.

So yeah, I yelled at him that he doesn’t do anything around the house and not all of us have the luxury to sit in a chair and drink rum all afternoon. I got hit with a belt and sent to my room. I know I shouldn’t have yelled back because it’s really disrespectful, but I was really fucking tired.

So, AITA?

Edit: Please do not come for my mother. She’s doing her best with what she has, and I do not blame her one bit. Also, my father doesn’t hit my younger siblings and never the girls of the family.

And yes, my mother does pay me for the work I do that aren’t my expected chores. I get paid for gardening and cleaning, but I do not get paid for looking after my animals.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments reveal a strong consensus around the idea that the individual is not at fault (NTA) due to the abusive environment created by their parents. Many users emphasize the need for the individual to escape the toxic situation, highlighting the abusive behavior of the father and the enabling nature of the mother. Overall, the comments advocate for self-defense and personal liberation, underscoring the importance of recognizing one’s worth and the right to a safe life.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving Family Conflict

Navigating family dynamics, especially in a large household, can be incredibly challenging. It’s important to approach the situation with empathy and a focus on constructive communication. Here are some practical steps for both the young adult and the parents to consider in resolving the conflict:

For the Young Adult

Reflect on Emotions: Take time to process feelings about the situation. Acknowledge the frustration and exhaustion, but also consider how to express these feelings constructively.
Choose the Right Time to Talk: Find a calm moment to discuss feelings with your parents. Avoid bringing up sensitive topics during or immediately after conflicts.
Use “I” Statements: When discussing the situation, frame concerns using “I” statements (e.g., “I feel overwhelmed when I have so many chores after a long day”). This can help reduce defensiveness.
Set Boundaries: Clearly communicate personal limits regarding responsibilities. It’s okay to express that you need time for yourself, especially after working multiple jobs.
Seek Support: Consider talking to a trusted friend, family member, or counselor who can provide guidance and support as you navigate these challenges.

For the Parents

Listen Actively: Make an effort to listen to your child’s perspective without interrupting. Validate their feelings and show understanding of their struggles.
Reflect on Parenting Styles: Consider the impact of traditional values on family dynamics. Be open to discussing how these values can adapt to modern expectations.
Encourage Open Communication: Foster an environment where all family members feel safe expressing their thoughts and feelings without fear of reprimand.
Share Responsibilities: Reassess the distribution of chores and responsibilities within the household. Ensure that all family members, including younger siblings, contribute fairly.
Seek Professional Help: If conflicts persist, consider family counseling. A neutral third party can facilitate discussions and help address underlying issues.

Conclusion

Family conflicts can be complex, especially in large households. By fostering open communication, setting boundaries, and seeking mutual understanding, both the young adult and the parents can work towards a healthier family dynamic. Remember, it’s essential to prioritize emotional well-being and create a supportive environment for everyone involved.