AITA For Throwing Away My Ex-husband’s Valentine’s Gift For His Affair Partner?

AITA for throwing away my ex-husband’s Valentine’s gift for his affair partner?

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

When the Past Refuses to Let Go

After enduring years of infidelity and gaslighting, a woman finally finds the strength to leave her toxic marriage, only to be haunted by her ex-husband’s lingering presence in her life. As she navigates the painful process of divorce, she unexpectedly receives a package meant for him—a Valentine’s gift for his new partner, which reignites her feelings of resentment and betrayal. The dilemma of what to do with the package forces her to confront her past and question her own kindness in the face of ongoing manipulation. This story resonates with anyone who’s dealt with the complexities of moving on from a relationship that continues to affect their life, making it a thought-provoking exploration of boundaries and self-respect.

Family Drama and Conflict Resolution: Navigating Post-Divorce Tensions

After a tumultuous marriage filled with infidelity, a 38-year-old woman reflects on her journey following her divorce from her 34-year-old ex-husband. The couple had been separated for a year, and the divorce was finalized last year. Here’s a summary of the situation:

Background: The woman discovered her ex-husband’s affair three years prior to their separation. Despite his promises to change, he continued to cheat, leading her to finally leave the relationship.
Divorce Proceedings: The divorce process was painful, requiring ongoing communication to finalize details, including removing his name from her house.
New Developments: She learned through mutual friends that her ex is expecting a child with his new partner, with the conception date falling during their marriage.

As she moved on, she faced challenges related to her ex-husband’s lingering presence in her life:

Mail Issues: Despite her ex not living in her home for a year, she continued to receive his mail, including items related to his new relationship.
Unexpected Package: Recently, she opened a package mistakenly thinking it was hers, only to find it contained jewelry intended for his new partner, which she suspected was sent to her address intentionally.

Faced with the dilemma of what to do with the package, she considered throwing it away but felt guilty about not returning it to its rightful owner. This situation sparked internal conflict as she navigated her feelings of resentment and the desire for no contact:

Guilt and Resentment: Despite wanting to move on, she struggled with feelings of guilt for potentially discarding something that belonged to him.
Communication Challenges: After receiving a text from her ex about another package being sent to her address, she chose to leave him on read, indicating her desire to limit contact.

In her final update, she reflected on the advice she received from others, which encouraged her to prioritize her well-being and establish boundaries:

Setting Boundaries: She decided to purchase a return-to-sender stamp to manage any future mail that arrives for her ex, reinforcing her commitment to no contact.
Final Thoughts: The woman acknowledged that she owed her ex nothing and expressed relief in taking control of her situation, even humorously dismissing the package as if it never existed.

This story highlights the complexities of family drama and conflict resolution in the aftermath of a divorce, emphasizing the importance of self-respect and boundaries in moving forward.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

FINAL UPDATE BELOW

Timeline Clarification UPDATE Affair Baby Questions

UPDATE POSTED BELOW!!

My ex-husband (34M) and I (38F) have been separated for a year, and the divorce was finalized last year. About three years prior, I caught him in an affair, in which he cried and promised things would change and that he would never do it again. I was stupid, believed him, and stayed.

After countless infidelities, I finally found enough sense and respect for myself to leave the relationship. This man gaslighted me to the nth degree about his affairs, to the point where he said I needed therapy for the marriage to continue due to my false assumptions and questioning his trust. In fact, solid proof of his multiple affairs was found days after the last “you need therapy for not trusting me” speech. This was the same day I asked for a divorce.

I found out through mutual friends that he is expecting, and their conception date would be when we were still together based on his due date. So there’s that. As you can imagine, this has been a lot to deal with, and having to keep in contact with him to complete divorce proceedings and remove his name from my house was painful.

Fast forward one year to today; he has not lived here for a year. This is my house; his name is not on it in any way. I still get mail for him here, which I have constantly and kindly asked him via texts to change his address, for which he says he did and will double-check every time.

This mail includes things like insurance cards for his new affair baby. Just last week, he picked up the last of his belongings and important mail, which I’ve held for months waiting for him to pick up. I celebrated, thinking this would be the last time I would ever need to contact or see him again.

Yesterday, I received a package, and without thinking, I opened it on my way in the door, thinking it was one of my many Amazon buys, lol. Well, it’s a jewelry box with two rather cheap-looking necklaces inside, something I didn’t order. I double-checked the shipping label, and it’s my ex-husband’s name.

This is clearly a Valentine’s present for the new girl, as the rhinestones are green, which I immediately recognized as her month’s birthstone. He’s never ordered from this company when we were together, so I would have understood if he had an existing account that had the old address, but I don’t see that as the case. At this point, I feel this is almost intentional.

How many times can one put the wrong address on their things? This man is very much a narcissist, but even I don’t know if he would go that far or if he’s just that stupid. Would I be the asshole for throwing away the whole package in the trash? I looked it up, and it was under 80 bucks and not fine jewelry by any means.

Also, I really wanted to go no contact moving forward, so I would rather not text him if it can be avoided. I would be lying if I said I didn’t still harbor resentment and hate, but I feel guilty not giving someone something they paid for.

UPDATE!!

First, thank you all for the comments reminding me that I don’t owe him anything. I don’t know why I still feel guilty for doing what I want to do. I just got home from work, so as of now, the package is still in my possession.

Later today, the dreaded text did come; no, I did not block him yet. He said he just found out they sent another package to my house and claimed he went off on customer service for using his billing address again. I left him on read.

Interesting because this is the first package from this company to ever arrive at this house. But mostly, his billing address is still my house; he hasn’t changed it, he knows he hasn’t changed it, and he feels that’s a valid excuse for the mix-up? He’s running away from tons of debt collectors, so now I’m starting to put together the dots of why he’s not updating his address.

If it was a true mistake, part of me thought possibly he might not have the audacity to reach out to me about the gift to avoid awkwardness or shame due to the nature of the gift. I know if I were in his shoes, I would have written that off as a loss, moved on with my life, and bought a replacement to avoid the awkward and cringy conversation.

I’ve taken the advice of many here and bought a return-to-sender stamp from Amazon to use on everything else I get from here on out. Until then, I hope he doesn’t just show up at my house unannounced because I’m not sure if I’m going to respond. I’m going to think on the package one more night before sending it into the abyss.

Additional Update for Clarity on the Affair Baby

I’m getting a lot of questions on the timeline of the affair baby. The baby was born last year. Calculating the conception date based on the due date, he knocked her up while we were still married. I didn’t say conception based on the birth date because the baby was born three months early.

How did I find out? Friends on social media. How did I know the details? He told me. Info was overshared in several of his excuses as to why he couldn’t meet with the estate attorney back when I was removing him from the home’s deed. More info than I would have ever cared to know.

FINAL UPDATE

Wow, so I didn’t think this post would blow up like it did. I’m a little nervous that he’s going to see the post and know it’s about him, even though this is a throwaway account, but part of me doesn’t care. Thank you to everyone for the advice and for reminding me that I owe him nothing.

It also brought to light that I’m being entirely too kind to someone who continues to torment and use me. Also, I really enjoyed all the creative toxic ideas of what to do with the necklace and had some good laughs, lol.

Despite wanting to stay no contact, today I finally responded to my ex-husband’s text from yesterday. I wrote, “Weird, you didn’t change your billing address?” He texts back, “Apple Pay still has the old billing address.”

So I responded, “It’s been a year, and you should probably go through your accounts and change your billing address. As of last week, anything sent here for you should have been returned to sender.” No response.

To clarify, I do not have his new address. He went through great lengths to keep that secret since he lives with the affair partner, so I can’t file a change of address in his place or forward his debt collection mail to him. He used his mother’s address in our legal documents,

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a unanimous agreement that the individual is not at fault (NTA) for receiving their ex’s mail and should take decisive action to stop it. Users suggest practical steps such as returning the mail to sender, blocking all contact, and even involving the post office to prevent further deliveries. The consensus emphasizes the importance of reclaiming personal peace and moving on from a toxic relationship.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving Post-Divorce Conflict

Navigating the aftermath of a divorce can be challenging, especially when lingering ties to an ex-spouse continue to affect your daily life. Here are some practical steps to help you resolve the conflict while prioritizing your well-being:

For the Individual Receiving Mail

Establish Clear Boundaries: Communicate your desire for no contact with your ex. You can do this through a brief, direct message stating that you wish to limit all communication and that any mail should be redirected.
Return to Sender: Use a return-to-sender stamp for any mail that arrives for your ex. This sends a clear message that you are not responsible for his correspondence and helps to prevent future deliveries.
Involve the Post Office: If mail continues to arrive, consider speaking with your local post office about the situation. They may be able to assist in redirecting mail or providing further options.
Limit Social Media Interaction: If you are connected on social media, consider unfollowing or blocking your ex to reduce the chances of encountering updates about his life that may trigger negative feelings.
Focus on Self-Care: Engage in activities that promote your mental and emotional well-being. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who respect your boundaries and encourage your healing process.

For the Ex-Husband

Respect Boundaries: Acknowledge your ex’s desire for no contact and refrain from sending mail or messages to her. Respecting her boundaries is crucial for both parties to move on.
Update Your Address: Ensure that all your mail is redirected to your new address. This includes updating your address with banks, subscriptions, and any other services to prevent future mail from being sent to your ex’s home.
Communicate Clearly with Your New Partner: If you are expecting a child with your new partner, ensure that you are both on the same page regarding communication with your ex. This can help avoid misunderstandings and unnecessary drama.
Reflect on Past Actions: Take time to reflect on the impact of your past behavior on your ex and your current relationship. Acknowledging your mistakes can lead to personal growth and healthier future relationships.

Final Thoughts

Divorce can be a painful process, but establishing boundaries and prioritizing self-care is essential for healing. Both parties must respect each other’s space and work towards moving on. By taking these practical steps, you can reclaim your peace and foster a healthier environment for yourself and those around you.