AITA For Telling My Husband To Figure Out How To Take Care Of Our Son?

AITA for telling my husband to figure out how to take care of our son?

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Is It Time for Dad to Step Up?

As a new mother prepares to return to work, she seeks a day alone to adjust, while encouraging her husband to care for their baby without assistance. Despite his good intentions, her husband struggles to soothe their son, leading him to invite his mother for support. This relatable dilemma highlights the challenges many parents face in balancing independence and teamwork, raising questions about parental roles and expectations in modern families.

Family Drama Over Parenting Independence

A 30-year-old woman (referred to as OP) is facing conflict resolution challenges with her husband regarding their parenting dynamics. The couple welcomed their first child in September, and OP is preparing to return to work after maternity leave. Here’s a breakdown of the situation:

Background:
- OP has been on maternity leave since the birth of their son.
- Her husband took two months off but has been working full-time since then.
- They have only left their son once for a short wedding, where the in-laws cared for him.
Current Situation:
- OP wants to take a day for herself to adjust to returning to work.
- She believes it’s important for her husband to spend a full day alone with their son.
- Her husband has never been alone with their child for more than an hour.
Recent Events:
- During a recent visit to friends, their son became very upset, and OP noticed her husband struggled to calm him.
- OP felt frustrated as her husband passed the baby back to her instead of trying to soothe him.
Conflict Arises:
- OP’s husband announced that his mother would come to help during the day he is supposed to spend alone with their son.
- OP requested that he tell his mother not to come, believing he should manage on his own.
- Her husband called her request ridiculous, leading to tension between them.
Family Dynamics:
- OP’s mother-in-law supports her son’s decision, which adds to the conflict.
- OP appreciates her mother-in-law’s help but emphasizes the need for her husband to gain confidence in caring for their child independently.
Additional Context:
- OP had a C-section and exclusively breastfed, which limited her ability to leave the baby in the early months.
- She has started pumping, but her husband is often at work during those times.
- OP clarifies that her request is not a slight against her mother-in-law, but rather a push for her husband to step up.

In summary, OP is seeking to establish a balance in their parenting roles and is advocating for her husband to take on more responsibility. The situation highlights the complexities of family drama and the challenges of conflict resolution in a new parenting dynamic.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

TLDR: I’m taking a day away from my husband and son to be comfortable with going back to work. My husband has never had a day alone with our son, so I asked him to try to figure it out, but I’ll be available if needed. He told his mother to come and help. I said no. He thinks I’m ridiculous.

I, 30F, and my husband, 33M, welcomed our first child this past September. I have been fortunate to be on maternity leave, but that ends next week. My husband had 2 months off and has been working full time since. He’s off on Sundays and Mondays.

I have never left my son except to go to a wedding in December, but we were only away for 3 of his wake hours. My in-laws watched over him, and everything was fine. I go back to work next week, and my son will be attending daycare.

My husband is off this entire week, and we’ve just been taking a staycation. I told my husband, though, that I want one day on my own to get more comfortable being away from our baby and that I want him to have the day with the baby on his own. He has never been alone with him for more than an hour.

He is a good father, though, and will help out when needed. But he has never been there for the full-blown cries and fussiness while having to take care of the house. A few days ago, we went to a friend’s house, and our son was screaming bloody hell.

Whenever I held him, he would calm down. Whenever my husband held him, he would just scream and cry even louder. So my husband just passed him along to me. I was getting frustrated because I just wanted to relax with friends, and he couldn’t calm him down for a minute.

Today, he tells me that his mom will be coming to help out. I asked him to tell her never mind because he should be able to do it on his own. He called me ridiculous and said it shouldn’t matter, but I think it really does.

I can’t be bothered at work unless absolutely necessary, so I wanted this to be our trial. His mom will also be working on Mondays, so it’s not like she will be available to help out then. His mom is taking his side, but of course, she will because our son is her only grandson.

So, AITA for telling my husband to figure it out and step up?

This is my first AITA post, and I’m frustrated just writing this, so if you need more details to decide, just let me know, and I’ll respond.

ETA: I had a C-section, and I exclusively breastfed, so I physically could not leave the baby in the first 2 months. My lactation consultant told me not to pump until after 2 months, as I needed to establish my milk supply. He took care of me while I took care of the baby.

He doesn’t do nothing. When I started pumping, my husband was already at work. My husband does do feedings now.

ETA2: This isn’t a punch towards his mother. I adore her. It’s really about him being independent with the baby. She helps us, and I always appreciate it. I don’t know why y’all think I’m spiteful.

ETA3: When my husband is home, I do separate myself from them by going to a different room. But he does often come to the room for help. I’m not just dropping him off.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the husband is not fulfilling his responsibilities as a father, with many users criticizing his reliance on others, particularly his mother, to care for the child. Commenters emphasize that a good father should actively engage in parenting rather than merely “helping out,” and they express concern that he is feigning incompetence to avoid taking on his share of the parenting duties. Overall, the comments suggest that the wife deserves a break and that the husband needs to step up and take responsibility for their child.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving Parenting Conflict

Navigating the complexities of new parenthood can be challenging, especially when it comes to sharing responsibilities. Here are some practical steps for OP and her husband to address their conflict and foster a healthier parenting dynamic:

For OP:

Communicate Openly: Schedule a calm, uninterrupted time to discuss your feelings with your husband. Use “I” statements to express how you feel about his involvement in parenting, such as “I feel overwhelmed when I have to manage everything alone.”
Set Clear Expectations: Clearly outline what you envision for his day alone with the baby. Discuss specific tasks he can handle, such as feeding, changing, and soothing the baby, to build his confidence.
Encourage Independence: Emphasize the importance of him spending time alone with the baby without external help. Frame it as an opportunity for him to bond and learn, rather than a test.
Offer Support: Let him know that you are there to support him as he takes on more responsibility. Offer to help him prepare for the day, such as packing supplies or discussing soothing techniques.

For the Husband:

Reflect on Your Role: Take time to consider your responsibilities as a father. Acknowledge that parenting is a shared duty and that your involvement is crucial for both your child and your partner.
Practice Alone Time: Before the designated day, try spending short periods alone with the baby to build your confidence. Start with small tasks and gradually increase the time as you become more comfortable.
Communicate with OP: Share your feelings about parenting and any fears you may have about being alone with the baby. Open dialogue can help both of you understand each other’s perspectives better.
Limit External Help: Respect OP’s request for a day without your mother’s assistance. This will allow you to take full responsibility and learn how to manage on your own.

Joint Steps:

Establish a Parenting Plan: Together, create a plan that outlines each parent’s responsibilities. This can help clarify expectations and ensure both partners are on the same page.
Schedule Regular Check-Ins: Set aside time each week to discuss how parenting is going. This can help address any concerns before they escalate and reinforce teamwork.
Seek Professional Guidance: If conflicts persist, consider seeking help from a family therapist or counselor who specializes in parenting dynamics. They can provide valuable tools and strategies for effective communication.

By taking these steps, both OP and her husband can work towards a more balanced and supportive parenting partnership. Remember, it’s essential to approach this journey as a team, fostering understanding and growth for both parents and their child.