AITA For Taking Back Control Of My Hen Party After MOH Ignored Everyone And Stepped Down As MOH

AITA for taking back control of my hen party after MOH ignored everyone and stepped down as MOH

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

When a Hen Party Turns into a Battle of Wills

As a bride-to-be, navigating the complexities of wedding planning can be a minefield, especially when your maid of honor seems more interested in her own vision than yours. When Jen, the bride’s friend, takes charge of the hen party planning, it quickly spirals into chaos, with themes and locations that leave the bride feeling sidelined. This relatable tale highlights the tension that can arise between friendships and family dynamics during one of life’s most significant events, making readers reflect on their own experiences with wedding planning and the importance of communication.

Family Drama Surrounding Hen Party Planning

A 23-year-old woman, engaged to her fiancé, is facing significant family drama as she prepares for her upcoming wedding. The conflict primarily revolves around her maid of honour, Jen, and her mother, with whom she has a strained relationship. Here’s a breakdown of the situation:

Engagement and Maid of Honour: The bride-to-be asked her friend Jen to be her maid of honour, and Jen accepted enthusiastically.
Hen Party Planning: Jen and the bride’s mother created a group chat to plan a surprise hen party, excluding the bride from the discussions. This early planning was necessary due to some guests traveling long distances.
Disagreement on Themes: During a shopping trip for the wedding dress, Jen and the mother suggested a hen costume theme for the party. The bride expressed her discomfort with this idea, but Jen dismissed her concerns, suggesting that she would feel differently after a few drinks.
Conflict Escalation: A group member, Jess, informed the bride that Jen proposed a male genitalia costume for her, which Jess felt was inappropriate. Jen insisted on her plans despite pushback from other group members.
Communication Breakdown: After receiving feedback from other guests about their dissatisfaction with Jen’s plans, the bride attempted to provide guidance on a location and activities she would enjoy. Jen responded by telling the bride to plan it herself and left the group chat.
Jen’s Return: After some time, Jen rejoined the chat, claiming she wanted to continue planning. However, she later announced plans for a cheap bottomless brunch in her town, disregarding the bride’s preferences and the group’s input.
Final Decision: Frustrated by Jen’s lack of consideration and the ongoing arguments, the bride decided to take back control of the hen party. Jen reacted negatively, stating she no longer wanted to be the maid of honour and left the group chat again.
Mother-Daughter Tensions: The bride’s relationship with her mother is also strained, as her mother has attempted to control various aspects of the wedding, including hair and makeup choices. The bride has opted to make her own decisions, leading to further conflict.

The bride is now left questioning whether she was in the wrong for taking back control of her hen party, given the ongoing tensions with her maid of honour and mother. This situation highlights the complexities of family dynamics and the challenges of conflict resolution in wedding planning.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

I, a 23-year-old female, am getting married to my fiancé, a 23-year-old male, next autumn. I have asked my friend, a 23-year-old female, let’s call her Jen, to be my maid of honour, and she happily accepted. About a week ago, Jen and my mother—who I don’t get along with very well—planned together to make a group chat with family and friends, excluding me, to arrange my hen party as a surprise.

It was getting arranged so early due to certain members having to travel a few hundred miles to attend, and a date needed to be arranged to suit everyone. While shopping for my wedding dress, Jen and my mother were telling me that they were going to dress me up in a hen costume for the night, which I strongly disagreed with. I said I wouldn’t like to dress up as it would make me uncomfortable and embarrassed all night, to which they replied, “After a few drinks, you won’t care” and “We’re not letting you look all glam for your hen party.”

Fast forward about a week, and one of the members of the hen group chat, whom we shall call Jess, messaged me to say that Jen had put a dress theme to dress me up in a male genitalia costume. Jess replied that “I doubt the bride would like to be dressed up like that, and maybe a last rodeo theme would be more suitable or something along those lines, more upbeat and fun.” Jen then replied, “Unfortunately, I have been left in charge of planning this hen, but thank you for your input,” which made Jess feel like she had to inform me before Jen ruined my hen party completely, as Jess just wanted me to enjoy.

I left the situation alone, hoping that maybe it would get sorted, as everyone in the group chat should know that I wouldn’t like to be dressed up like that. But before I knew it, I had other people from the group messaging to let me know that the plans hadn’t changed, and Jen wanted to go to the town that she lived in to save herself money. She planned activities that she would like rather than what I would like, and when members of the group expressed their doubt about me enjoying these activities, they were again shut down, and it seemed that Jen was planning the night for herself.

Eventually, Jen had enough of all the arguing, and she messaged me asking for some guidance, which I was happy with. I told her the location I’d like to go to; it’s about 50 minutes on a train, and I’d never been there before. I suggested a few activities or bars/clubs that I had seen which looked interesting, to which Jen replied, “Well, since you already know what you’d like to do, then plan it yourself. I’m not doing it anymore.”

I told her that it’s fine; she can still plan it and keep it a surprise, but I’ve just given a little guidance. She told me three times to forget about it and for me to plan it myself, and she also removed herself from the group chat. After a few hours, presumably after she had spoken to my mother, who had been backing her up all the way in the group chat and encouraging her ideas, Jen messaged me to say that she had thought about it and wanted to still plan my hen party, which I happily agreed to, and she was added back to the group chat.

I thought everything was sorted until yesterday when Jess informed me that Jen had messaged the group chat again and told everyone that we were all going to the cheapest and most chavy bottomless brunch in her town and then home afterwards, with no activities or going out for a few drinks after. She had told everyone that they needed to send deposits ASAP for it to be booked.

At this point, I was extremely frustrated, as it had already been causing arguments. After our last discussion, where she asked for my guidance and threw a hissy fit, it seemed like she was doing this to spite me. So, I messaged her and told her that due to everyone contacting me saying they were unhappy about the plans and her not listening to any of the other members’ ideas and ignoring my guidance, I would be taking back over the hen. I worded it a lot nicer than that; I’m just writing it out quickly for this post.

Jen then had another hissy fit and told me she didn’t want to be my maid of honour anymore and was stepping back from the wedding, leaving it all down to me. She proceeded to leave the group chat. I was extremely frustrated by this point and didn’t try to beg her to be my maid of honour, so I told her, “Okay, if that’s what you would like,” and left it at that.

So, AITA for taking back control of my hen?

EDIT: For everyone asking about my mum, that’s a whole different story. We don’t get along very well and never have; she doesn’t like me very much and is trying to control as much of my wedding as she can. But my fiancé and I can see right through it and don’t allow it to happen; it’s our big day, and we want what’s best for us.

For instance, she said she would pay for my hair and makeup, and I happily agreed. But when I asked her to show me the hairdresser or the makeup artist, she was refusing, telling me to just trust her. I’d rather see what kind of person I’m working with and if I like their style of hair/makeup, etc. So, in conversation with my MOH, she namedropped the makeup artist, so I searched her up, and her makeup was absolutely shocking. There was no way I’d ever use her, so going off my instincts and thinking she didn’t want me to look my best, I then booked my own hair stylist and makeup artist, and she’s now refusing to pay for them because they’re the ones I’ve picked.

I also mentioned that when we were wedding dress shopping, they were discussing the hen. The only reason my mother was there was that she offered to pay for my dress, which really surprised me, and she said that she wanted to be there to help with the dress shopping, which I agreed to. I found one dress that I absolutely loved, but it was pricey at about $2300. The shopkeepers said if I took it today, I could take it for $1600, and my mum said she’s willing to pay $1000 previously to going shopping. So, I said I’d pay the extra $600 and take the dress, but my mum turned around and told me she doesn’t like the dress and she’s not putting a penny towards it.

The dresses she liked on me were the most basic and plain ones that looked the worst on me, according to the shop employees and even their stylist. I’ve had to go out today and buy my own dress without my mother and my absent MOH.

TL;DR: MOH steps back as MOH after I step in to take control of my hen party after she arranged it for herself.View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the original poster (OP) is not at fault (NTA) for taking control of her hen party planning. Users express that both the maid of honor, Jen, and OP’s mother exhibit toxic behavior, prioritizing their own interests over OP’s enjoyment. Many commenters encourage OP to move on from these negative influences, emphasizing that her hen party should be a fun and enjoyable experience.

Overall Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Hen Party Conflict

Conflict during wedding planning can be emotionally charged, especially when family dynamics are involved. Here are some practical steps to help resolve the situation while considering both sides:

For the Bride

Communicate Openly: Reach out to Jen and your mother individually to express your feelings. Use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, “I felt hurt when my preferences were overlooked.” This can help them understand your perspective without feeling attacked.
Set Clear Boundaries: Clearly outline what you want for your hen party. Share your vision and preferences, and emphasize the importance of your enjoyment in the planning process.
Propose a Compromise: Suggest a collaborative approach where you can incorporate some of Jen’s ideas while also including your preferences. This could help rebuild the relationship and make everyone feel involved.
Consider a Mediator: If tensions remain high, consider involving a neutral third party, such as a mutual friend or family member, to facilitate a discussion. This can help ensure that everyone feels heard.

For Jen and the Mother

Reflect on Actions: Encourage Jen and your mother to take a step back and reflect on how their actions may have impacted you. They should consider whether their plans align with your wishes as the bride.
Practice Active Listening: Remind them to listen to your concerns without interrupting. This can foster a more respectful dialogue and help them understand your perspective better.
Be Open to Feedback: Encourage them to be receptive to your feedback and willing to adjust their plans. This shows that they value your input and want to make the hen party enjoyable for you.

Moving Forward

Ultimately, the goal is to create a positive experience leading up to your wedding. Here are some final thoughts:

Focus on the Celebration: Remind everyone involved that the hen party is meant to celebrate you and your upcoming marriage. Keeping this in mind can help refocus the planning efforts.
Prioritize Relationships: While it’s important to assert your preferences, also consider the value of your relationships with Jen and your mother. Finding a balance between your needs and their desires can lead to a more harmonious planning process.
Let Go of Perfection: Understand that not everything will go perfectly, and that’s okay. Embrace the imperfections and focus on enjoying the time spent with loved ones.

By taking these steps, you can work towards resolving the conflict and ensuring that your hen party is a memorable and enjoyable experience for everyone involved.