AITA For Still Being No Contact With My Brother After Something That Happened 4 Years Ago?

AITA for still being no contact with my brother after something that happened 4 years ago?

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

When Family Ties Turn Toxic

A young woman reflects on a traumatic incident with her older brother that shattered their close relationship, leaving her feeling unsafe and betrayed. After years of silence, his attempts to reconnect during a significant moment in her life spark a family debate about forgiveness and loyalty. This story resonates with anyone who has grappled with the complexities of familial bonds, especially when past trauma complicates the notion of unconditional love. Can you truly forgive someone who has hurt you, even if they are family?

Family Drama: A Conflict Over Forgiveness

A 20-year-old individual shares their experience of family conflict and the ongoing tension with their older brother, James, 25. The story highlights the impact of a traumatic incident on their relationship and the challenges of conflict resolution within the family.

Background: The narrator and James were once very close, but a violent incident four years ago changed everything.
Stressful Circumstances: At the time, James was juggling an internship, a part-time job, and the responsibility of caring for his younger sibling.
Incident Trigger: After a long night shift, James returned home to find the dishes left unwashed. His frustration escalated into a heated argument.
Physical Altercation: In a moment of anger, James slapped the narrator, resulting in a bloody injury that required self-care and led to a panic attack.
Immediate Aftermath: The narrator left James’s apartment and returned to their parents’ home, choosing not to disclose the incident to their parents initially.
Communication Breakdown: James attempted to reach out through various means, but the narrator blocked him, leading to further family tension.
Family Reaction: The parents were initially upset with James but eventually moved on. The narrator decided to cut off contact with him entirely.

Fast forward to the present, the narrator has secured an internship at a hospital they have long aspired to work at. They celebrated this achievement with a party, inviting all family members except James.

James’s Reaction: Upon learning about the celebration, James reached out using a fake account, questioning why he was not invited.
Confrontation: The narrator explained their feelings of betrayal and lack of safety around him, emphasizing that they had not spoken in four years.
James’s Justification: He argued that as family, he hoped for forgiveness and wanted to celebrate the narrator’s success, claiming it was significant for him too.
Final Decision: The narrator reiterated their desire for distance and blocked James again, leading to further calls from other family members.

Now, the narrator faces pressure from relatives to forgive James, creating a divide within the family. They are uncertain about how to navigate this situation, feeling conflicted between familial expectations and their own feelings of safety and trust.

This story illustrates the complexities of family dynamics, the challenges of conflict resolution, and the difficulty of reconciling past trauma with present relationships.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

Me, 20, and my brother, James, 25, were really close before this, but I don’t feel safe around him and haven’t felt safe around him after what happened.

So, rewind to 4 years ago. I was at James’s apartment for the summer. At that time, my brother was stressed out; he was an intern working to become a doctor, worked a part-time job on the side, had bills to pay, and then on top of that, had to take care of 16-year-old me.

It was hard; I understand that, but that doesn’t make what he did understandable. So, around April of that year, his rent increased by a lot, so he got another part-time job. One day, after a long night shift, he came home; he was really tired and had to go to his second job.

I could tell he was stressed out, so I made him some dinner. I left dishes in the sink because I also was very tired. I went to sleep and woke up the next day to him yelling for me to wash all the dishes before he got home; he was leaving for work and had already done everything he needed to in the kitchen. I’m guessing the dishes just bothered him.

TW: Bloody details coming up

I was like, “Okay,” and was walking back into my room to go back to sleep, like any normal person would, because I could just do it later. Then he went batshit crazy, yelling at me that I’m lazy and can’t do anything and that I’m always in my room 24/7. I was so confused, so I was like, “Bro, are you okay?” And he saw that as a form of disrespect and slapped me.

Context: my brother is a gym rat who plays football and boxes. Crazy, I know. So, I’m like, “WTF, you just hit me!” and screamed at him. He said, “STFU,” and I continued yelling at him, and he slapped me again, but this time he busted my lip, so my teeth bit the top part really hard and deep, and the same with my bottom lip, so blood was dripping everywhere. My brother said, “Clean this mess up.” I can’t forget those words to this day.

I proceeded to have a panic attack for about an hour and patched myself up. By that time, my lip was really swollen. It looked like I did the Kylie Jenner lip trend, lol. I packed up all my things and left; I went back to my parent’s house because, again, I was there for the summer.

I got home and didn’t tell my parents what happened, but later in the day, my phone started blowing up. My brother was texting, calling, and leaving voicemails, trying to reach me in any way possible.

I blocked him on everything, and after he couldn’t reach me, he talked to my parents and told them what happened. They, of course, were mad at him but eventually got over it.

After a month or so, I let him know that I was not going to contact him again and that he should really leave me alone and stop trying. Because I would never trust him or feel safe around him ever again.

I haven’t contacted him since, but here comes the problem. This year, I finally got an internship at a hospital that I’ve always wanted to work at since I was a little kid. I was so excited; I held a party for myself, put it all over social media, and invited all of my family except my brother, of course.

He found out. I’m not sure who told him yet, but I will figure it out. He got a hold of my social media; I’m not sure who gave it to him, but he contacted me using a fake account and asked why he wasn’t invited.

I told him I hadn’t talked to him for the past 4 years and why he would expect me to ever say anything to him again. He said because he is family, he was hoping that I had forgiven him after what happened and that I’m being too immature and just need to let him celebrate me.

He said that being an intern was a big part of his life too and that he could give me advice. I told him that I didn’t want anything from him and that he should leave me alone. I blocked him.

But I’ve been getting calls from other family members saying that I shouldn’t hold a grudge against family and need to forgive him for a mistake he made. It’s got my whole family divided, and I’m not sure what to do.

Sorry if this is really hard to read; I’m still in shock a little bit.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the original poster (OP) is not at fault (NTA) for distancing themselves from their brother, who physically assaulted them. Many users emphasize that the brother’s lack of a sincere apology and failure to seek help for his anger issues further justify OP’s decision to maintain distance for their safety. The comments highlight the importance of personal safety and the notion that forgiveness should not be obligatory, especially in cases of abuse.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving Family Conflict

Family conflicts, especially those stemming from traumatic incidents, can be incredibly challenging to navigate. It’s important to approach the situation with empathy and understanding for both sides. Here are some practical steps to consider for resolving the conflict between the narrator and their brother, James:

For the Narrator

Reflect on Your Feelings: Take time to process your emotions regarding the incident and your brother. Understanding your feelings can help you communicate them more effectively.
Set Boundaries: Clearly define what you need in terms of space and communication. It’s okay to prioritize your safety and mental health.
Consider a Mediator: If you’re open to it, involving a neutral family member or therapist can help facilitate a conversation between you and James.
Communicate Your Needs: If you decide to engage with James, express your feelings honestly. Let him know what you need from him to feel safe and respected.
Take Your Time: Healing and forgiveness are personal processes. Don’t rush into a decision about reconciliation; allow yourself the time you need.

For James

Seek Professional Help: It’s crucial for James to address his anger issues. Therapy can provide him with tools to manage his emotions and understand the impact of his actions.
Offer a Sincere Apology: If James wishes to reconnect, he should offer a genuine apology that acknowledges the harm he caused and expresses remorse without making excuses.
Respect Boundaries: James must understand and respect the narrator’s need for space. Pressuring them for forgiveness can further damage their relationship.
Demonstrate Change: Actions speak louder than words. James should focus on demonstrating that he has changed and is committed to being a better person.
Be Patient: Rebuilding trust takes time. James should be prepared for a gradual process and remain open to the narrator’s feelings and decisions.

For the Family

Support Both Sides: Family members should acknowledge the pain experienced by both the narrator and James. Avoid taking sides and instead encourage open dialogue.
Encourage Professional Help: Suggest that both parties consider therapy, either individually or together, to help navigate their feelings and improve communication.
Promote Understanding: Help family members understand the complexities of trauma and the importance of personal safety in relationships.
Be Patient: Healing takes time. Encourage family members to be patient and supportive as both the narrator and James work through their feelings.

Ultimately, the goal is to foster understanding and healing within the family. Each person’s feelings and experiences are valid, and navigating this conflict requires compassion and respect for boundaries.