AITA For Saying If Dad's Affair Partner Needs More Help It Should Come From Her Kids Because I Don't Care About What Happens To Her?

AITA for saying if dad’s affair partner needs more help it should come from her kids because I don’t care about what happens to her?

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Teen Torn Between Family Loyalty and Betrayal

At just 16, a boy finds himself living with his estranged father and the woman who shattered his family, after the unexpected death of his mother. Struggling with feelings of abandonment and resentment, he grapples with the pressure to support a new family dynamic that feels anything but genuine. As tensions rise, he must confront the complexities of forgiveness and the harsh reality of his father’s choices, all while navigating the challenges of adolescence. This story resonates with anyone who has faced the fallout of family betrayal and the struggle to redefine relationships in the wake of loss.

Family Drama and Conflict Resolution: A Teen’s Perspective

A 16-year-old boy shares his experience living with his father and his father’s affair partner, highlighting the family drama and wedding tension that ensued after his parents’ divorce. Here’s a summary of the situation:

Background: The boy lives with his father, his father’s affair partner, and her two children, aged 12 and 8. His parents divorced four years ago due to his father’s infidelity, which was discovered by the boy, his mother, and his older sister.
Family Dynamics: After the divorce, the affair partner‘s husband also left her, leading to the marriage of the boy’s father and the affair partner. The boy and his sister distanced themselves from their father, feeling betrayed by his actions.
Custody Changes: Following the unexpected death of their mother last year, the boy was forced to move in with his father and the affair partner, while his sister chose to remain in college and cut ties with their father.
Therapy Attempts: The father insisted on family therapy, but the boy refused to engage, leading to the therapist terminating their sessions. The boy expressed his unwillingness to reconcile, stating he would only stay until he could leave.
Current Situation: The father and his affair partner are expecting a baby, but complications have arisen during the pregnancy. The boy has been asked to assist with household tasks, but he has consistently refused, feeling no obligation to help.
Conflict Escalation: The father and his partner have expressed concern for the health of the mother and the unborn child, urging the boy to help. He responded by suggesting that the affair partner‘s children should assist instead, as he feels no connection to the situation.

The boy’s refusal to engage with his father’s new family has led to heightened tensions. He feels trapped in a situation he did not choose and is struggling with feelings of resentment and anger towards his father and the affair partner.

In conclusion, the boy grapples with the complexities of family dynamics, loyalty, and the emotional fallout from his father’s choices. As he navigates this challenging period, he remains firm in his stance, prioritizing his own feelings over the expectations placed upon him.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

I 16m live with my dad, his affair partner‘s wife, and her two kids, 12 and 8. I have an older sister, 19f, who’s in college. What happened is four years ago my parents divorced because my mom, sister, and I found out my dad was cheating.

The affair partner‘s husband also found out about the affair. My mom and the affair partner‘s husband divorced their spouses, and that left my dad and his affair partner to get married. The affair partner‘s ex stopped seeing the kids after he found out about the affair.

And it’s not because they’re my dad’s. They can’t be since the kids are a different race, just like their dad. My sister and I turned our backs on dad after we found out about the affair.

Dad had been a good dad before the affair, but he stopped spending time with us and was always busy with work or “in therapy” outside of work to focus on us, and we found out why. My mom got primary custody of us, and that was a huge relief. But mom died unexpectedly last year, and then I had no other choice but to move in with dad and his affair partner.

They tried to convince my sister to move in too, but she was going away for college and wanted nothing to do with them. When dad’s affair partner tried to suggest she should stay a while, my sister told her to die. Then she blocked my dad on her phone, and she only talks to me.

We talk almost every day. I keep her updated on how awful it is living with them. My dad made me go to therapy with them, but the therapist fired us because I wouldn’t engage, and my dad insisted she find some way to help us.

My dad and I argued, and I told him I didn’t want to try or to make things work. He told me we need to because I can’t hide behind my mom anymore. He said he was sorry for upsetting me and my sister, but we should try to understand he fell in love.

I told him I didn’t care, and I was only there until I didn’t have to be, and then I’d do what my sister did. I do have other family, but none in the same state, and that’s a big deal. My grandparents tried to get custody of me, but apparently being 16, it doesn’t matter because out of state and living parent makes that a huge no.

So now my dad and his affair partner are expecting a baby, and she’s got a bunch of complications. She was sick a lot, bleeding a lot, and her blood pressure is really bad apparently. My dad and her wanted me to help her out when I get back from school and help take care of stuff until my dad gets back, but I said no and I ignored them.

I actually just come home late after school, and if she asks me to get her water or whatever when I’m at the house, I ignore her. They told me how serious all this stuff is, that she could die and the baby could die, and I need to help because of how serious this is and whatever. I told them they should ask her kids for help because I don’t care what happens to her.

I said I don’t even want to be here, and I never want to be here. I said they were sick, and they needed to leave me alone because they weren’t making a family out of the mess they created. They went nuts about her kids being younger and how I should care for any human life.

AITA?

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments reveal a strong consensus around the verdict of NTA (Not the Asshole) due to the father’s betrayal and lack of support during a difficult time. Most users agree that the commenter is justified in setting boundaries with their father and his affair partner, emphasizing that they should not be responsible for caring for someone who contributed to their family’s dysfunction while they are still grieving their mother.

Overall Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving Family Conflict

Family conflicts, especially those rooted in betrayal and loss, can be incredibly challenging to navigate. Here are some practical steps for both the boy and his father to consider in order to foster understanding and potentially heal their relationship.

For the Boy

Reflect on Your Feelings: Take time to process your emotions regarding your father’s actions and the changes in your family dynamics. Journaling or speaking with a trusted friend can help clarify your thoughts.
Set Boundaries: It’s important to communicate your boundaries clearly. Let your father know what you are comfortable with and what you are not. This can help reduce feelings of resentment.
Consider Therapy: While you may have been resistant to family therapy, individual therapy could provide a safe space to explore your feelings and develop coping strategies. A professional can help you navigate your grief and anger.
Open a Dialogue: When you feel ready, consider having a calm conversation with your father. Express your feelings without placing blame, focusing on how his actions have affected you.
Find Common Ground: Look for areas where you can connect with your father, even if it’s small. This could be shared interests or memories that remind you of better times.

For the Father

Acknowledge the Pain: Recognize the hurt your actions have caused your son. Validating his feelings can help him feel heard and understood.
Be Patient: Understand that rebuilding trust takes time. Your son may need space to process his emotions before he is ready to engage with you or your new family.
Seek Professional Help: Consider individual therapy to work through your own feelings of guilt and to learn how to better support your son during this difficult time.
Communicate Openly: When appropriate, have honest conversations with your son about your intentions and feelings. Avoid pressuring him to help or engage if he is not ready.
Focus on the Future: While it’s important to address the past, also discuss how you can create a more positive environment moving forward. This could include family activities that don’t involve the affair partner’s children initially.

Conclusion

Conflict resolution in family dynamics, especially after a traumatic event like a divorce and the loss of a parent, requires empathy, patience, and open communication. Both the boy and his father have valid feelings that need to be addressed. By taking these steps, they can work towards understanding each other and potentially rebuilding their relationship.