AITA For Not Wanting To Help My Sister Even Though She Helped Me Get Off The Streets

AITA For not wanting to help my sister even though she helped me get off the streets

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

When Family Ties Become a Burden

After a tumultuous past, a woman finds herself back under her sister’s roof, hoping for a fresh start. However, the arrangement quickly spirals into a battle of expectations, financial strain, and messy living conditions, leading to a clash of wills. As tensions rise, she grapples with the question of obligation versus self-preservation, making readers reflect on the complexities of family dynamics and the struggle for independence. This relatable tale resonates with anyone who has navigated the challenges of living with relatives while trying to maintain their own identity and boundaries.

Family Drama and Conflict Resolution: A Complex Living Situation

This story revolves around a complicated family dynamic between two sisters, highlighting issues of responsibility, financial strain, and differing expectations. The following points summarize the key events and conflicts that have arisen:

Background: The narrator previously lived with her sister in 2019 but was kicked out due to conflicts over cleanliness and living habits.
Homelessness: After a breakup in late 2023, the narrator became homeless and accepted her sister’s offer to stay with her and her two children.
Initial Agreement: The narrator contributed to household expenses and helped with cleaning initially, but tensions began to rise over cleanliness and responsibilities.
Household Mess: The sister often blamed her children for the mess, while the narrator felt overwhelmed by the constant state of disarray despite her efforts to maintain cleanliness.
Financial Strain: The sisters faced financial difficulties, including a pet fee and overdue rent. The narrator was hesitant to lend money, as she was trying to save for her own place.
Pressure to Stay: The sister insisted that the narrator stay longer for financial reasons, despite the narrator expressing a desire for privacy and independence.
Conflict Escalation: Arguments erupted over cleaning responsibilities, with the sister accusing the narrator of being selfish for not helping more around the house.
Job Issues: The narrator struggled to maintain stable employment, while the sister remained in the same job but continued to fall behind on bills.
Threats and Ultimatums: The sister threatened to donate the narrator’s pets if she did not provide financial assistance, escalating the conflict significantly.
Final Straws: The narrator felt increasingly trapped and disrespected, leading her to consider returning to homelessness rather than continuing to live in a toxic environment.

In conclusion, the situation reflects a deep-seated family drama characterized by conflicting expectations and financial pressures. The narrator grapples with feelings of obligation versus the need for independence, while the sister struggles with her own financial instability and the demands of motherhood. As tensions rise, both parties must navigate the complexities of their relationship and seek a resolution that respects their individual needs and boundaries.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

So for context, I used to live with my sister back in 2019. We had a falling out, and she kicked me out. Her main reasons were that I didn’t want to clean and that I was difficult to live with.

I became homeless at the end of 2023 after a bad breakup. I kicked out my partner and couldn’t afford my rent after he was gone. She offered to let me stay with her and her two children.

I agreed, and for the first few months, I helped clean her house and paid her money for being there—not a lot. Eventually, we realized I couldn’t move out unless I stopped paying her. The following months, she complained that I didn’t clean and left messes around the house.

Which, in part, is true; sometimes I would leave a cigarette on the counter, or my area would be a mess. That I can agree was me; however, the main reason I stopped cleaning at all was that I would go to work with a clean house. I would come home, and it would be messy again.

She would blame her children, saying she has two kids and that happens with children. Then she would see me on the couch watching TikTok or just being a couch potato and ask me why the house was so dirty. Then, sometime in the summer, we got a note from the leasing office saying we owed a pet fee of $300.

My sister told me she needed the money because she was going to pay her rent before going on a trip up north. I didn’t have the money, so I asked the office if I could pay later while she pays now so she doesn’t get a late fee. They agreed, but when I told her, she said she wasn’t going to pay her rent.

She just said that because she wanted to “make sure” she had all her ducks in a row before she left. She also was upset I wasn’t making good money or a living wage. She even gave me a deadline of March 2025 to move out.

Cut to October; I now have a better job and am making a living wage. The whole time this is going on, she is talking about me staying longer because it will be financially better for me. I repeatedly told her I wanted my privacy and didn’t want to be here longer than I had to.

She kept insisting every chance she got. I bought a new outfit for the cold weather and informed her I was a few hundred away from getting a new phone. That same day, she then asked me for almost $1,000 because she was three months late on her rent and was facing eviction for the third time since I moved here in January.

She didn’t think it was fair I was “out here wasting money while she was struggling.” I was hesitant because I just put a deposit down for my own place. I didn’t tell her at first; however, needless to say, I stayed and helped her pay off her debt.

She did help me off the street, so I owed her that. I did lose that place, though. We owed around $7,000 and managed to pay $5,400, which was 75%.

That was November 20. She said I needed to pay her $250 every week after until December 20, which I did. The first week of January, I was off because my job was closed, so I told her I didn’t have any money for her.

It was then slow for the few weeks I’ve been back, and since I haven’t given her any money. Lately, she has become moody and snaps at the smallest things. Then I find a new eviction notice on the door saying we owe almost $5,000 again.

She told me she didn’t pay December but said she had the money saved somewhere. Only that she hadn’t paid it, but she had the money. The other night, we had a fight about how I don’t help her clean and how it’s selfish of me to only clean up after myself.

That I should be helping every chance I get. She has had people stay as house guests, and they were better at helping than me. I informed her once again that I didn’t help clean because it becomes an obligation when I do it for too long, and I get told off when I’m resting and not picking up after her.

In her mind, if her house is dirty from her and her children and I’m just sitting around, then that’s wrong and selfish of me to not want to make her life easier. Then just yesterday, she called my job because I was working and not on my phone when she tried to call me to ask what happened to her vacuum. I told her I haven’t used it in days, and she said it had to be me.

Then she told me she needed money for a new vacuum. I already bought this one to replace the old one she had because of my pet’s hair. I told her I didn’t have the money, and she told me I needed to find a new job.

Also, for context, I’ve had six jobs since I’ve been here in January. I was only fired from one because I was somewhat moody. Every other time, it was because I was trying to find a better-paying job, meanwhile she has had the same job all year while also being behind on her bills every month and saying she was going to get, as she put it, “a real job” since she works for Lyft.

So back to the phone call, I told her it doesn’t matter how much I make because I was supposed to leave in March, so it wasn’t her problem. Why was she so concerned with how much money I had? She then grew extremely aggressive and told me she didn’t care about “my little money” and I needed to “run her that money or else she would donate my pets while I was at work.”

Which are my literal world; they were on the street with me when I was homeless. Then she calls my job back an hour later to say she fixed the vacuum and I didn’t need to pay her anything. Then when I come home, she tells me she needs my help once again to clean around her house and make sure everything is clean.

By that, she means help deep clean areas. So now that you’re caught up, am I wrong for not wanting to clean up after her and her children? Is it selfish of me to only clean up after myself? Am I wrong for not wanting to give her any more money knowing I have to leave soon and she isn’t using the money I’ve been giving her for its intended purpose?

There was a lot that was left out, but I covered the main details. I have my coworker taking my cat, and I’m trying to see if my neighbor will take my dog so I can go back on the street. I have a job, and my children will be safe, and that’s all that matters, honestly.

Lastly, I wanted to say I am in no

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the relationship between the two individuals is unhealthy and unsustainable. Many users believe that one party is being taken advantage of, with the other relying on them for financial support and household responsibilities without contributing equally. The overall sentiment suggests that both should consider separating to improve their individual circumstances, with a majority advocating for the person to leave the situation as soon as possible.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving Family Conflict

Family dynamics can be incredibly complex, especially when financial strain and differing expectations come into play. Here are some practical steps for both the narrator and her sister to consider in order to navigate this challenging situation and work towards a healthier relationship.

For the Narrator:

Set Clear Boundaries: It’s essential to communicate your needs and boundaries clearly. Let your sister know what you are comfortable with regarding living arrangements, financial contributions, and household responsibilities.
Assess Your Options: Consider your living situation and explore alternative housing options. If returning to homelessness is a concern, look into local shelters, transitional housing, or assistance programs that can provide temporary support.
Prioritize Your Well-Being: Your mental and emotional health is crucial. If the environment feels toxic, it may be worth prioritizing your independence and seeking a space where you can thrive.
Seek Employment Support: If job stability is an issue, consider reaching out to local employment agencies or job training programs that can help you find stable work and improve your financial situation.

For the Sister:

Reflect on Responsibilities: Take a moment to evaluate your expectations of your sister and the contributions she is making. Acknowledge the challenges she faces and consider how you can share responsibilities more equitably.
Communicate Openly: Have an honest conversation with your sister about the household dynamics. Express your feelings without placing blame, and listen to her concerns as well.
Explore Financial Solutions: If financial strain is a significant issue, consider seeking assistance from local charities or government programs that can help with rent or utilities. This may alleviate some pressure on both of you.
Consider Professional Help: If conflicts continue to escalate, it may be beneficial to seek family counseling. A neutral third party can help facilitate discussions and provide strategies for improving your relationship.

Joint Steps for Resolution:

Schedule a Family Meeting: Set aside time to discuss the situation calmly. Ensure that both parties feel safe to express their feelings and concerns.
Develop a Plan: Work together to create a plan that outlines household responsibilities, financial contributions, and timelines for any changes. This can help set clear expectations moving forward.
Check-In Regularly: Establish regular check-ins to discuss how things are going. This can help both parties feel heard and allow for adjustments to be made as needed.
Focus on Solutions: Instead of dwelling on past conflicts, shift the focus to finding solutions that work for both of you. This collaborative approach can foster a more positive environment.

Ultimately, both parties deserve to feel respected and supported. By taking these steps, the sisters can work towards a healthier relationship that honors their individual needs while addressing the complexities of their shared living situation.