Aita For Not Paying Off The Damages To My Sisters House ?

Aita For not paying off the damages to my sisters house ?

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

When Family Turns to Financial Turmoil

A 17-year-old moves in with her older sister to pursue her education, but what starts as a supportive arrangement quickly spirals into a financial nightmare. After helping her sister with a hefty loan for a business trip, she finds herself in debt and facing eviction, all while juggling work and school. This story raises thought-provoking questions about family obligations, financial independence, and the complexities of sibling relationships, making it relatable to many navigating similar struggles in the U.S.

Family Drama and Conflict Resolution: A Sister’s Struggle

A 17-year-old female (17F) moved in with her older sister (25F) to pursue better educational opportunities. The living arrangement included her sister’s partner and their son. Initially, the sister supported her financially, covering food and housing costs while she focused on her studies. Once the younger sister secured a job, she began contributing $200 monthly for her room and took on the responsibility of paying for her own expenses.

The younger sister worked 20-40 hours a week to maintain her independence.
During her sister’s overseas business trip, financial issues arose.
The older sister borrowed nearly $2,000 from her younger sibling to cover travel expenses, leaving the younger sister in a difficult financial situation.
Despite her sacrifices, including going without food, the older sister failed to repay the loan.

Upon requesting repayment, the younger sister faced excuses and was told to cover damages to the house, which she believed were minimal (around $300-400). The situation escalated when the older sister and her partner issued a two-week notice for the younger sister to vacate the premises.

Despite not being on bad terms, the younger sister felt burdened by the expectation to pay for damages while her sister owed her money.
She decided to confront her sister about the financial imbalance and consider small claims court if necessary.

Update: Two Years Later

Two years later, the younger sister reflected on the events that transpired after her departure. She reconnected with her sister, Lisa, and her partner, James, to spend time with her nephew. Their relationship improved, but underlying issues persisted.

Lisa experienced significant emotional and financial stress, leading to a psychotic breakdown.
The younger sister had to make the difficult decision to call the police for help during a crisis.
Lisa was hospitalized, prompting family drama as differing opinions emerged regarding her care.

During this tumultuous period, the younger sister learned that the landlord covered the damages to the house, alleviating her financial concerns. Additionally, she discovered that her sister’s overseas trip was related to a pyramid scheme, which contributed to her financial struggles.

James revealed that Lisa was deeply in debt, which exacerbated her mental health issues.
Lisa eventually moved back in with their parents after losing her home.
Despite Lisa’s attempts to apologize, the younger sister chose to maintain distance for her own well-being.

In conclusion, the younger sister navigated a complex web of family drama and conflict resolution, ultimately prioritizing her mental health and independence. The experience highlighted the importance of clear communication and accountability within family relationships.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

I, 17F, moved in with my sister, 25F, in order to pursue my education in a better place. So, in the house, it was me, her partner, and her son. At first, I didn’t have a job, so she paid for my food, room, and everything she could to help me while I continued my studies.

As soon as I got a job, I started paying $200 for the room, and then I had to start paying for my own things, which I was fine with. I pretty much had to pay for my own way of living. I was doing pretty well and didn’t need to borrow money from anyone.

On top of school, I was doing roughly 20-40 hours a week for work just to pay for my own things. Again, I was fine with this. However, my sister went on a business trip overseas, and while she was there, she didn’t have enough money to book tickets to come home, as she borrowed money from her bank.

I ended up forking out nearly $2,000 to help her get home, and I starved for the week she had traveled overseas because she asked if I could pay for her passport and give any little bit I had to her. Because she is family, I immediately said yes and did the best I could. She said she would pay me back as soon as she could, but as soon as I brought the money up to her, she and her partner would change the subject.

They told me how they had to prioritize their son and said I had to pay damages I did to the house. The damages I caused were less than $300, $400 max. So when I deducted this from how much she owed me, she started to make excuses.

Not long after that, she and her partner gave me a two-week notice to leave the house, and it’s already been a couple of months since then. We are not on bad terms, but they still expect me to pay for the damages to the house, even though they are the ones that owe me. I am still trying to recover from her putting me in debt and making a living on my own, and so I feel bad that I can’t pay for the damages. AITA?

Edit

Thank you for all the advice, and I have taken it on board. I will discuss it with them in person and let them know that I will not be paying for the damages, as well as take them to small claims court if they do not pay in the time they said they would, which was before the year’s end. I do have text messages as evidence.

Her business trip was for her own reasons, so no, her job would not pay for her travels as it had nothing to do with them. I was going to move out by the end of the year anyway, and I’m glad I did.

UPDATE 2 years later

I completely forgot about this post as it’s been so long, but I feel that enough time has passed to talk about what happened. My sister, Lisa, now 27, asked me a couple of years ago to fix the damages I caused to the house after they kicked me out to make room for her partner’s sister. A year later, we started talking again so I could spend time with my nephew more often, and I honestly missed them a lot.

They didn’t ask about the money and just started inviting me over and spending more time together. Months passed, and our relationship, especially between me and my sister’s partner, James, became as close as we were before I moved out. However, they were having problems in their relationship, both financially and emotionally.

It all came out one afternoon when my partner and I were visiting them, and Lisa kind of went off the rails. I don’t know what happened, but my partner and I stayed up all night with Lisa because she wouldn’t stop talking, and we didn’t realize at the time that she was going into a psychosis. It was only two days later, when she was refusing to sleep, wouldn’t stop talking, and refusing to let us sleep or leave the house, that she started acting out and getting aggressive, and we finally called the police to get help for her.

It was a hard decision, especially to call the police on your own sibling, but I did what needed to be done. After that, it was a whole two months of nothing but mess. She ended up in a psych hospital, my parents flew down, and the family was fighting constantly about what was going to happen with Lisa.

On one hand, my in-law James wanted her to stay in the hospital and get the medical care she needed; however, my religious parents believed that she was better off going home with them and praying the demons away. Honestly, it was mentally draining, especially as a teenager. I was with James on this that Lisa needed professional help, and it caused a strain in my relationship with my parents.

It also hurt Lisa and James’ relationship, to the point where James decided to move back in with his own parents and end the relationship, as it was becoming more clear that Lisa was choosing my parents over him and their son. From this whole ordeal, I ended up finding out from James that they didn’t end up needing to pay for any damages at all, and the landlord covered the damages.

Additionally, the work trip my sister took overseas was for a pyramid scheme that my sister had joined, and stupidly, I gave her the money to go to this event the company was hosting overseas. James also confided in me that Lisa was so far into debt that it was one of the reasons that caused her to break down in the first place. On top of the debt, stress from work, and adjusting to parenthood, my sister had a psychotic breakdown which led to her being admitted to the hospital.

She’s out now, and she ended up moving back home with my parents because they lost the home and needed to find alternative accommodation. She’s reached out to apologize to me about all the stuff I had to put up with, but I have been no contact for a while now. This happened halfway through 2024, and I’m only updating now as I just remembered this post. So, hope everyone is doing well.

Edit

I keep seeing some questions, and I’ll answer as I go. To the landlords on Reddit, where I am from, it is quite normal, and my sister and in-law actually knew the guy personally, so he had no trouble covering the damages. Secondly, although my sister asked for around $400, it was a lot less than that, which is why I suspect the landlord offered to pay.

I should also add that yes, my sister realized she was in an MLM. Though she never admitted it, as she was known as the golden child from our parents, she is still trying to get everyone in the family to invest. Though I know about the importance of investing in your future,

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments reveal a strong consensus around NTA due to the unfair burden placed on the individual at such a young age and the lack of responsibility shown by the family. Most users agree that it is unreasonable for family members to leave someone in debt while avoiding their obligations, providing insight into the overall moral takeaway that accountability is essential, regardless of familial ties.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving Family Conflict

Family conflicts can be incredibly challenging, especially when financial issues and emotional stress are involved. Here are some practical steps for both the younger sister and the older sister to consider in resolving their conflict and improving their relationship.

For the Younger Sister

Reflect on Your Needs: Take time to assess what you need from your relationship with your sister. Consider whether you want to maintain distance for your mental health or if you’re open to rebuilding trust.
Communicate Openly: If you decide to engage with your sister, approach the conversation with empathy. Share your feelings about the past without placing blame. Use “I” statements, such as “I felt hurt when…” to express your perspective.
Set Boundaries: Clearly define what you are comfortable with moving forward. If you choose to reconnect, establish boundaries regarding financial discussions and emotional support.
Seek Support: Consider talking to a therapist or counselor to help process your feelings and navigate the complexities of your family dynamics.

For the Older Sister

Take Responsibility: Acknowledge the financial and emotional impact your actions had on your younger sister. Taking responsibility is crucial for rebuilding trust.
Apologize Sincerely: If you haven’t already, offer a genuine apology. Acknowledge the specific ways you hurt your sister and express your desire to make amends.
Seek Help: Given the emotional and financial stress you’ve experienced, consider seeking professional help. Therapy can provide tools to manage stress and improve your mental health.
Communicate Your Situation: Be open about your current financial struggles and mental health challenges. Transparency can foster understanding and compassion from your sister.

For Both Sisters

Establish Clear Communication: Agree to have regular check-ins to discuss feelings, concerns, and any financial matters that may arise. Open dialogue can prevent misunderstandings.
Consider Mediation: If direct communication proves difficult, consider involving a neutral third party, such as a family member or therapist, to facilitate discussions.
Focus on Healing: Prioritize healing over resolving past grievances. Work together to create new, positive memories that can help rebuild your relationship.
Be Patient: Understand that rebuilding trust and repairing relationships takes time. Be patient with each other as you navigate this process.

Ultimately, both sisters must prioritize their mental health and well-being while working towards a healthier relationship. By taking these steps, they can foster understanding, accountability, and compassion within their family dynamic.