AITA For Making My Bf Split Expenses 50/50

AITA for making my bf split expenses 50/50

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Struggling with Finances and Fairness in a New Relationship

In a whirlwind romance, a young woman finds herself grappling with the financial strain of living with her boyfriend just months after moving in together. Despite her efforts to contribute, she feels increasingly burdened by their uneven financial arrangement, especially as she juggles a low-paying job and significant debt. As she prepares to transition to a better-paying job and prioritize her own financial goals, she faces a tough decision about the future of their relationship. This story resonates with many young adults navigating the complexities of love, money, and independence in today’s economy.

Family Drama and Wedding Tension: A Relationship Struggle

A 22-year-old woman (referred to as OP) is navigating a challenging relationship with her 27-year-old boyfriend. After moving in together just three months into their relationship, OP is facing significant financial and emotional strain. Here’s a breakdown of the situation:

Background: OP and her boyfriend have been together for seven months. They decided to move in together to escape their respective living situations, with OP wanting to leave her parents’ home and her boyfriend seeking a more affordable living arrangement.
Financial Disparity:
- OP earns $15 per hour, making approximately $400-$500 weekly.
- Her boyfriend earns $21 per hour, totaling around $600 weekly.
- Despite the small difference in income, OP feels the financial burden more heavily.
Initial Agreement:
- They initially agreed to split expenses evenly.
- After some negotiation, OP managed to have her boyfriend cover the utilities.
- OP is also dealing with a $6,000 credit card debt, which she had accumulated before their relationship.
Support Issues:
- Her boyfriend promised to help with the credit card debt but has only contributed $500.
- OP has been paying for most of their shared expenses, including furniture for their apartment.
Career Change:
- OP is transitioning to a new job that pays $25-$30 per hour, which she hopes will alleviate some financial stress.
- She plans to use her increased income to focus on savings and paying off debt, rather than shared expenses.
Future Plans:
- OP has expressed her desire to return to school, which will require financial resources.
- When asked if her savings would be for their future, she clarified that it would not be shared.
- She intends to pay 50/50 for bills only, feeling that she has already contributed significantly to their relationship.
Decision Point:
- OP is contemplating whether to end the relationship now or wait until their lease is up in November.
- She feels that she has invested too much time and money into a relationship that may not be sustainable.

This situation highlights the complexities of financial dynamics in relationships and the potential for conflict resolution through open communication. OP is at a crossroads, facing wedding tension and family drama as she considers her next steps.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

So my 22F boyfriend 27M and I have been together for like 7 months. Stupidly, I know, don’t mention it, we moved in together 3 months ago. I hated living with my parents, and he was paying 1400 for a studio apartment with a shared kitchen and bathroom.

When we moved in together, he said he wanted expenses split evenly. At the time, I was making really sporadic money. My job paid 15/hr, and I was making 4-500 a week.

He gets 21/hr and makes a little over 600 each week. Not a big difference, but enough that I’m struggling way more. After some pushback, I finally got him to agree to paying the utilities.

I also have been paying off a 6,000 credit card statement. It was 3,000 when we got together, and I let him put other expenses on it like a dumbass. He said he’d help me pay it, but has given me like 500 total.

Anyways, I had enough of my shitty job working 50 hours a week for horrible pay, and I’m getting a job making 25-30 an hour. When I brought up 50/50 in the past, I asked him if I started making more, would he then accept a 50/50 based on percentage, and he told me that the money I made was my money.

Things seem to be different now. I want to go back to school, so all this extra money will be going towards savings and debt. He asked if it was savings for us, and I flat out said no.

I will start paying 50/50 for bills flat out, and that’s it. I’ve paid for a majority of our nonexistent dates and random shit for him. I paid for all of our furniture and whatnot for our apartment out of my savings when we first moved in.

I’m not going to waste more of my time and money on this relationship. Honestly, when the lease is up, I’m going to leave him. I just wonder if I do it now or later; we have until November.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the original poster (OP) is not at fault (NTA) for their situation, primarily due to the challenging living conditions with their current roommate. Many users suggest that OP should consider staying until the end of the lease, while also contemplating the possibility of finding a different roommate for their partner. Overall, the comments reflect a shared understanding of the difficulties OP faces and the need for a practical solution.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

OP is in a challenging situation that requires careful consideration and open communication. Here are some practical steps to help navigate this relationship conflict while addressing both sides:

For OP

Assess Your Priorities: Take some time to reflect on what you truly want from this relationship. Consider your financial goals, emotional well-being, and future aspirations.
Open Communication: Schedule a calm and honest conversation with your boyfriend. Express your feelings about the financial strain and your concerns regarding the relationship. Use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory (e.g., “I feel overwhelmed by the financial burden”).
Set Clear Boundaries: Clearly outline your expectations regarding shared expenses moving forward. If you plan to contribute 50/50 for bills, communicate this and ensure he understands your reasoning.
Explore Financial Solutions: Discuss potential ways to manage finances better. This could include creating a budget together or finding ways for him to contribute more significantly to shared expenses.
Consider Your Options: If the conversation does not lead to a satisfactory resolution, think about your options for the future. Evaluate whether staying until the lease ends is feasible or if finding a new living arrangement is necessary.

For the Boyfriend

Listen Actively: When OP shares her feelings, listen without interrupting. Acknowledge her concerns and validate her feelings about the financial strain and emotional burden.
Reflect on Contributions: Consider how your contributions to the relationship, both financially and emotionally, align with OP’s needs. Be open to discussing how you can better support her.
Be Open to Change: If OP expresses a desire for a different financial arrangement, be willing to negotiate. This may involve taking on more shared expenses or finding ways to help her with her credit card debt.
Discuss Future Plans: Talk about your future together. Understand OP’s goals regarding school and savings, and discuss how you can support each other in achieving those goals.
Consider Relationship Dynamics: Reflect on whether the current living situation is sustainable for both of you. If necessary, explore the possibility of finding a different roommate or living arrangement that alleviates some of the tension.

Conclusion

Relationships can be complex, especially when financial dynamics come into play. By fostering open communication and understanding each other’s perspectives, both OP and her boyfriend can work towards a resolution that respects their individual needs and strengthens their relationship. Whether they choose to stay together or part ways, prioritizing mutual respect and understanding will be key to navigating this challenging situation.