AITA For Leaving My 5 Month Old Baby With My Guy For The First Time Since Giving Birth?

AITA for leaving my 5 month old baby with my guy for the first time since giving birth?

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

When a Night Out Turns into a Parenting Showdown

In a quest for a much-needed break, a new mother decides to enjoy dinner with a friend, leaving her partner in charge of their baby for just a few hours. Despite her careful preparations, including instructions and backup milk, her partner’s reaction spirals into chaos when he feels overwhelmed and lashes out. This relatable tale highlights the struggles of balancing personal time and parenting responsibilities, raising questions about communication and support in relationships. Can a simple night out lead to a parenting crisis, or is it a reflection of deeper issues at play?

Family Drama Over Dinner Plans: A Conflict Resolution Dilemma

A mother faced significant tension with her partner after deciding to have dinner with a friend without their baby. Here’s a breakdown of the situation:

Preparation for the Evening:
- The mother ensured her baby was fed and changed before leaving.
- She provided detailed instructions for her partner on how to prepare a bottle and pureed food.
- She included a note suggesting he call her if he encountered any issues.
- Only one bottle was pumped, but she had 200ml of frozen milk as a backup.
Partner’s Routine:
- The partner regularly goes to the gym after work, often returning home late.
- His late arrivals sometimes stem from socializing with friends or running errands.
- Given this pattern, the mother felt comfortable leaving for a few hours.
The Evening Out:
- The mother left home at 7 PM and planned to return by 10 PM.
- She attempted to check in on her baby shortly after leaving, but her partner turned off his phone.
- After sending a WhatsApp message, she received a brief response indicating the baby was fine.
- However, about 1.5 hours later, her partner messaged that the baby was crying nonstop.
Return Home:
- Upon driving home, the partner called, yelling about the baby crying.
- He hung up before she could explain herself.
- When she arrived home, he was visibly upset, criticizing her for leaving the baby.
- He expressed his frustration through yelling and throwing items around the house.
- The mother calmly apologized, explaining she was unaware of the situation and had frozen milk available.
Aftermath:
- The partner left the room and returned three hours later, choosing to sleep in a different bedroom.
- The following morning, he continued to give her the silent treatment.
- As evening approached, the mother felt the tension still linger and questioned whether she was in the wrong.

This situation highlights the complexities of family dynamics and the challenges of conflict resolution in parenting. The mother’s desire for a brief break clashed with her partner’s expectations, leading to a significant emotional fallout. The ongoing silent treatment raises questions about communication and understanding in their relationship.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

So I decided that I want to meet up with a female friend for dinner without bringing my baby. I made sure that I changed and fed my breastfed baby before leaving. I wrote down instructions on how to prepare the bottle and pureed food for my partner so he would be at ease.

I even wrote down that he should call if he has any issues. I only managed to pump one bottle, and I had 200ml worth of frozen pumped milk in the freezer. I didn’t think it would be necessary to let my partner know about the frozen milk, as I knew I wouldn’t be gone for more than 3 hours.

But I had it in the freezer for backup if he called. Backstory: my partner goes to the gym every day after work and only comes home around 6:30 PM. Even while I was on maternity leave, he continued going to the gym and coming back home late.

Sometimes he would go meet up with his friends and only come home after 10 PM. Other times, he would tell me minutes prior that he would be dropping off his mom in a different town, which then led to him coming back late at night. So since he usually does his own thing and comes back whenever he feels like it, I thought it wouldn’t be a problem for me to leave the house for the first time without the baby to have dinner with my friend.

In total, I left at 7 PM and arrived home at 10:30 PM. Boy, did my partner lash out on me. He first put off his phone when I tried to call him shortly after I had left to check up on the baby.

I noticed that he turned his calls off, so I sent a message on WhatsApp asking how the baby is. He responded, “She’s fine.” I responded, “Alright, awesome. Should I bring you food?” He didn’t respond for over 1.5 hours.

He then sent a message just before 9, telling me that the baby is crying nonstop. I responded at 10, asking how the baby is now, and didn’t get a response. I figured it wasn’t that bad, as he hadn’t called since he sent the message about the baby crying.

While I was driving home, about to pull up to our place, he called yelling at me, “Where are you? The baby is crying. Where are you?” Before I could respond, he hung up on me. When I got home, he was fuming.

Telling me, “What kind of mother am I going out when I have a baby to breastfeed at home?” and that the baby has been crying for an hour. He yelled at me and started banging the doors and throwing stuff like his charger and phone case. I calmly responded, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I thought you would have called. I have frozen breastmilk in the fridge.”

He stormed out and came back 3 hours later and slept in the other bedroom. When I woke up this morning, he seemed upset still, as he wasn’t speaking to me. It’s almost evening time now, and I’m still being given the silent treatment, so I wanted to know, AITA?

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the mother is not at fault (NTA) for wanting a break from parenting, as many users express concern over the father’s lack of involvement and support. Commenters emphasize that parenting should be a shared responsibility, and the father’s reaction to caring for the baby suggests deeper issues regarding his commitment and capability as a parent. Overall, the comments highlight the importance of mutual support in parenting and the need for the father to step up.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

Conflict in parenting can be challenging, especially when expectations and responsibilities are not aligned. Here are some practical steps to help both the mother and her partner navigate this situation and improve their communication and understanding:

For the Mother:

Open Communication: Initiate a calm conversation with your partner about the evening. Express your feelings and listen to his concerns without becoming defensive.
Validate His Feelings: Acknowledge that his frustration is valid. Parenting can be overwhelming, and it’s important to recognize the stress he may have felt while caring for the baby alone.
Discuss Future Plans: Talk about how you can both take breaks in the future. Establish a schedule that allows both of you to have time for yourselves while ensuring the baby is cared for.
Encourage Involvement: Suggest that he take the lead on certain parenting tasks or outings with the baby. This can help him feel more confident and involved.

For the Partner:

Reflect on Your Reaction: Take time to consider why you reacted so strongly. Recognize that parenting is a shared responsibility, and it’s okay to ask for help or express when you’re feeling overwhelmed.
Communicate Needs: Share your feelings with your partner about the challenges you faced while she was out. Be specific about what you need from her in terms of support and understanding.
Practice Patience: Understand that babies can be unpredictable. Instead of reacting with anger, try to remain calm and problem-solve together when issues arise.
Engage in Parenting Together: Make an effort to participate more actively in parenting duties. This can help build a stronger partnership and alleviate some of the pressure on both of you.

Joint Steps for Resolution:

Set Boundaries and Expectations: Together, establish clear expectations regarding time apart and parenting responsibilities. This can help prevent misunderstandings in the future.
Seek Professional Help: If communication remains strained, consider couples counseling. A neutral third party can facilitate discussions and help both of you express your feelings constructively.
Prioritize Teamwork: Approach parenting as a team. Celebrate successes together and support each other during challenging moments. This can strengthen your bond and improve your parenting dynamic.

By taking these steps, both partners can work towards a healthier relationship and a more balanced approach to parenting. Remember, it’s essential to support each other and communicate openly to navigate the complexities of family life.