AITA For Discontinuing Payments On A Loan I Can’t Afford Even Though It Will Affect My Parents?

AITA for discontinuing payments on a loan I can’t afford even though it will affect my parents?

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Struggling with Student Debt and Family Expectations

In a heart-wrenching tale of financial strain and familial obligation, a 29-year-old man grapples with the burden of Parent Plus Loans taken out by his parents for his college education. Despite working full-time, he finds himself living paycheck to paycheck, as his parents demand he repay loans that are not legally his. With the looming threat of a recession and the weight of financial responsibilities, he questions whether he should continue making payments that are crippling his ability to save and build a future. This story resonates with many in the U.S. who face the harsh realities of student debt and the complexities of family dynamics in financial matters.

Family Drama Over College Loans: A Conflict Resolution Story

A 29-year-old man is facing significant financial strain due to college loans taken out by his parents for his education. The situation has led to family tension and a need for conflict resolution. Here’s a breakdown of the circumstances:

Background: The man began college at 17, attending a private university that was financially burdensome due to high tuition costs.
Loan Structure: Personal loans were taken out in his name, while his parents took out Parent Plus Loans, which cannot be transferred to him.
Current Financial Situation: He works full-time and manages his personal loan payments through an income-driven repayment plan. However, the Parent Plus Loans require monthly payments that consume half of his income.
Living Conditions: The high loan payments have forced him to live paycheck to paycheck, hindering his ability to save for future goals such as buying a car or starting a family.

Recently, the loans entered a period of forbearance, prompting the man to reconsider his financial obligations:

Decision to Stop Payments: He informed his parents that he would not resume payments on the Parent Plus Loans, citing three main reasons:
1. The loans are not in his name.
2. Economic concerns regarding a potential recession.
3. The need to improve his financial situation.
Parental Response: His mother expressed that stopping payments would jeopardize their retirement and credit, insisting that he would owe them the money regardless.

Additional context reveals:

Lack of Communication: There was no clear discussion about repayment responsibilities when the loans were taken out. The man was largely passive in the financial planning process.
Parental Knowledge: Both parents work in finance and were aware of the implications of the loans they took out.
Decision-Making Dynamics: While the man liked the school he attended, he felt he had limited choices in the decision-making process regarding his education.

In light of these developments, the man is seeking advice on whether he is in the wrong for wanting to stop payments on the loans. He emphasizes that he does not harbor ill feelings towards his parents and is open to finding a collaborative solution to the financial strain they are all experiencing.

As the situation unfolds, the man is leaning towards a mutual understanding with his parents, aiming to address the financial challenges together rather than viewing it as a conflict between him and his parents.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

Okay, so I, a 29M, started college when I was 17. Because of my family’s income and general status, I was not granted much financial aid for college. Since I have two younger siblings and my parents had other financial responsibilities, they could not afford to pay out-of-pocket for my undergrad, and I was not granted nearly enough in personal loans.

The school my parents and I agreed on is a private university, and tuition was high. Because of the cost of the college, personal loans were taken out in my name, and my parents took out Parent Plus Loans in their name. Now I work full-time, and my loans are on an income-driven repayment plan.

I am easily able to manage my monthly payments on the ones in my name. However, my issue is that my parents are demanding monthly payments for the Parent Plus Loans taken out in their names. Their stance is that the loans were taken out for me and my education, so I am responsible for repaying them.

The Parent Plus Loans cannot be transferred to me, and the payments are literally half of my income each month because the lowest payment option is based on their income, which is significantly higher than mine. I have been paying them monthly for a year, and this has forced me to live paycheck to paycheck, unable to save for a car or house. I can’t start a family, and I can’t progress financially in any way due to immediately having to spend every dollar I earn on those payments plus rent, bills, insurance, groceries, therapy, etc.

The Parent Plus Loans are currently in forbearance since October until April. This past week, I told my parents I will not be resuming payments on them due to: 1) It’s not my loan, 2) We Americans are about to get hit with a recession/depression, and 3) I cannot advance in any way making these payments. My mother has responded, saying that’s not an option because their retirement and/or credit will be ruined by this choice, and that I will owe them the money.

AITA for wanting to stop these payments?

TLDR: My parents took out a loan for me to go to college, but the loan was in their name. They now expect me to pay them back for it, but I can’t afford it. AITA for discontinuing payments so I can afford to live somewhat comfortably?

Edit 1 – More Info: There was no clear communication about repayment discussed when the loans were taken out. My mom took control of the financial planning of my college, and I was very passive in the process, unaware any loans were taken out in their name until payments started being due. If they were my personal loans, they would be paid based on my current income.

Edit 2 – More Info: My parents didn’t force me to go to a specific school, but also I wasn’t really provided choices. When I graduated high school, the discussion was basically, “So you’re going here, right? Because that’s the best option,” and there wasn’t more debate or discussion on it. I liked the school, my parents liked the school, and I didn’t really take ownership of that decision or fight it because my mom took charge of college stuff for me.

Edit 3 – More Info: My parents knew what types of loans were being taken out. They both work in banking/finance and know how money/loans work. And again, my mom took full accountability/ownership for the financial planning of my college.

Edit 4 – Wording: I have not stopped the payments yet. Adjusted wording to reflect that I want to stop making them. The loans are currently in forbearance. There was no sudden stop of payments to my parents.

Edit 5: People seem to think I’m set on my opinion. I’m here to listen, learn, and grow. I’m not trying to screw over my parents, and I’m not accusing my parents of being malicious. I’m trying to come up with solutions that my parents and I can use as a team to combat this, and I want to hear all perspectives on the situation.

Edit 6: Because people are still attacking me for being selfish or hating my parents, I need to be VERY clear that I am here, again, to listen and learn. You are able to communicate your perspectives respectfully. I don’t hate my parents, nor do they hate me. I’m not set on any plan other than working as a team with my parents to combat this.

No one is cutting anyone off unless this escalates wildly and unexpectedly. Y’all need to chill on the personal attacks. I can be in the wrong about something without being villainized. If I’m in the wrong, just point it out and explain why. No need to attack me beyond that.

Final Edit: Leaning ESH on my own post. Thanks to everyone who has been kind and given me insight, advice, support, and reassurance. My mom and I are working towards coming up with a plan so neither me nor my parents will be screwed over by this. People who kindly and respectfully disagreed with me, you are appreciated. This issue is no longer Me vs My Parents. It’s now Me & My Parents vs The Problem. Thanks all except those menaces who for some reason think I should hate my parents or vice versa.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the original poster (OP) is not at fault (NTA) for the situation regarding the Parent Plus loans. Many users emphasize that the responsibility for these loans lies with the parents, who failed to communicate their expectations and the financial implications to their child, thus placing an unfair burden on them. The comments highlight a broader concern about parental accountability and the ethical implications of financial decisions made without the child’s informed consent.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

In navigating the complex situation surrounding college loans, it’s essential to approach the conflict with empathy and a focus on collaboration. Here are practical steps for both the man and his parents to consider in order to reach a mutually beneficial resolution:

For the Man

Open Communication: Initiate a calm and honest conversation with your parents. Express your feelings about the financial strain and the impact it has on your life. Use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory, such as “I feel overwhelmed by the loan payments.”
Educate Yourself: Research the implications of Parent Plus Loans and the potential consequences of defaulting. Understanding the financial landscape can help you articulate your position more effectively.
Explore Financial Options: Investigate alternative repayment plans or loan forgiveness programs that may alleviate some of the financial burden. Present these options to your parents as potential solutions.
Propose a Collaborative Approach: Suggest working together to create a budget that considers everyone’s financial situations. This could include exploring ways for your parents to reduce their expenses or for you to increase your income.

For the Parents

Listen Actively: Take the time to understand your son’s perspective. Acknowledge the stress he is under and validate his feelings about the financial situation.
Reflect on Decisions: Consider the decisions made regarding the loans and the lack of communication about repayment responsibilities. Recognizing any oversight can help in rebuilding trust.
Discuss Financial Education: Share insights about financial planning and the implications of loans with your son. This can help him feel more involved and informed in future financial decisions.
Be Open to Compromise: Explore options together, such as temporarily reducing payments or finding ways to share the financial burden. Being flexible can foster a sense of teamwork.

Finding Common Ground

Ultimately, the goal is to foster understanding and collaboration. Both parties should aim to approach the situation with empathy, recognizing that financial stress can affect relationships. By working together to find solutions, the family can strengthen their bond and navigate this challenging time more effectively.