Aita For Cutting Off My Dad, Stopping Our Therapy And Just Stopping Putting Effort In Our “relationship”?

Aita for cutting off my dad, stopping our therapy and just stopping putting effort in our “relationship”?

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

When Family Ties Become Chains

In a heart-wrenching exploration of familial love and betrayal, a man grapples with the painful reality of his relationship with his father, who favors his siblings despite their indifference. After years of sacrifice and emotional turmoil, he finally confronts the truth: his father’s love is conditional, and he deserves better. As he embraces a healthier life with his supportive wife, he must decide whether to sever ties with a parent who has caused him deep pain. This story resonates with anyone who has struggled with toxic family dynamics and the quest for self-worth.

Family Drama and Conflict Resolution: A Complicated Relationship

The relationship between the narrator and their father is fraught with tension and emotional turmoil. Here’s a breakdown of the situation:

Complicated Family Dynamics: The narrator feels a deep love for their father but recognizes that the affection is not reciprocated. They observe a stark contrast in how their father treats them compared to their siblings.
Unbalanced Affection: The narrator’s siblings, who have shown little commitment to their father (e.g., not volunteering for a kidney donation), receive more love and attention from him. This disparity has caused feelings of resentment and confusion.
Past Struggles: The narrator acknowledges a history of anger and violence but emphasizes personal growth over the past five years. Despite this change, their father continues to bring up past mistakes, while the narrator refrains from mentioning their father’s struggles with alcohol.
Family Business Conflict: A significant rift occurred when the father gave the family restaurant to the narrator’s brother, despite the narrator having worked there since childhood. This decision deepened feelings of neglect and betrayal.
Therapy Experience: The father suggested attending therapy together, which initially gave the narrator hope. However, therapy revealed the father’s deep-seated issues and his tendency to project his shame onto the narrator, further complicating their relationship.
Newfound Love: The narrator met their wife three years ago and found a supportive and loving partner. This relationship has provided a stark contrast to their familial experiences, highlighting the narrator’s desire for genuine love and acceptance.
Decision to Cut Ties: After much reflection, the narrator decided to end contact with their father. They expressed their feelings directly, stopped attending therapy, and blocked their father on all communication platforms.
Sibling Reactions: The narrator’s siblings have reacted negatively, accusing them of breaking their father’s heart. However, the narrator feels that their own heart has been broken for decades.
Support from Partner: The narrator’s wife supports their decision, affirming that they deserve a healthy relationship free from toxicity.

The narrator is now seeking outside opinions on whether they are in the wrong for distancing themselves from their father. They are grappling with feelings of loss but are determined to prioritize their well-being and the positive relationships in their life.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

My Relationship with My Dad

My relationship with my dad is, at best, messy and, at worst, complicated. Sure, I love him and would put my life on the line for him, and I have in the past. But I’ll be honest, I know he doesn’t love me; I know I’m hard to love, but damn, the way he treats me compared to my siblings is funny.

He loves on them, talks all nice and shit to them. The same kids that couldn’t even be bothered to take a blood test to see if they’re a match for him when he needed a kidney, the same kids that only speak to him when they need babysitting or money, those are the ones he treats better than me. I gave up my kidney without even a second doubt; I used to call and text him the most, even when he barely answered.

I know in the past I was an angry and violent guy, but I’ve changed. Truthfully, the last physical fight I had was five years ago, and I haven’t raised my voice at anyone. He loves bringing up my past and throwing it in my face, but I’ve never brought up his drinking or the amount of times he’s passed out drunk, shat himself, and I’ve cleaned him up.

We didn’t talk much a couple of years after he gave the family restaurant to my brother while I was the one that slaved in it since I was 15. He brought up the idea of going through therapy together; I was fucking happy, so we started. During it, I truly realized how much this man didn’t like me and also how much he put his own shame and anger at himself on me, specifically me.

I lied to myself that I still wanted a relationship with him and tried forcing myself to be comfortable with him, even when I could barely stand his touch. I well remember meeting my wife three years ago at a high school reunion, and I fell for her all over again. We exchanged numbers and started dating.

She’s everything I want in a woman: smart, career-focused, kind, and caring. It’s been a while since I felt this comfortable with someone enough to cry in front of them, and she lets me do that. I can truly be myself around her, and I’m just so lucky.

When we got married, I was on a cloud the whole evening and pinched myself continuously, thinking I was still dreaming. I’ve realized this is what I want in my life: someone that loves me like her own and doesn’t need a third person to convince them to. I’ve realized I don’t want my dad in my life anymore.

I’m not angry at him or anything; I just don’t value this nonsense of a relationship. I love him for sure, but I’m way better when I’m away from him. I told him this a couple of weeks ago, stopped going to our therapy, and told him after the talk that I don’t want any contact from him; I’ve blocked him on everything.

His kids have called me all sorts of names and said I’m breaking his heart, but he broke mine for nearly 30 years. I don’t know; I’m lost. My wife says I’m in the right and she’ll support whatever I want. I’m just here for outside opinions: AITA?

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the original poster (OP) is not at fault (NTA) for distancing themselves from their father, who has shown a lack of respect despite OP’s significant sacrifices, including donating an organ. Many users emphasize the importance of prioritizing mental and emotional health, suggesting that the father’s inability to change and his toxic behavior justify OP’s decision to move on and focus on their supportive relationships.

Most commenters agree that OP’s father has not acted like a true father and that OP deserves to prioritize their well-being.
Several users highlight the futility of trying to force a relationship with someone who is unwilling to change or show respect.

Overall Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving Family Conflict

Family conflicts, especially those involving deep emotional wounds, can be incredibly challenging to navigate. In the case of the narrator and their father, it’s clear that both sides have experienced pain and disappointment. Here are some practical steps to consider for resolving the conflict while prioritizing emotional well-being.

For the Narrator

Reflect on Your Feelings: Take time to journal or meditate on your feelings about the relationship. Understanding your emotions can help clarify your needs moving forward.
Set Boundaries: If you choose to maintain some level of contact, establish clear boundaries regarding what behaviors are unacceptable. Communicate these boundaries calmly and assertively.
Consider a Mediated Conversation: If you feel comfortable, consider involving a neutral third party, such as a therapist or family mediator, to facilitate a conversation with your father. This can provide a safe space for both sides to express their feelings.
Focus on Self-Care: Prioritize your mental and emotional health. Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, and lean on your supportive partner for encouragement.
Be Open to Change: While you may feel firm in your decision now, remain open to the possibility of change in the future. Relationships can evolve, and healing is a gradual process.

For the Father

Self-Reflection: Encourage your father to engage in self-reflection regarding his behavior and the impact it has had on his relationship with you. This may involve seeking individual therapy to address his issues.
Acknowledge Past Mistakes: If he is willing, he should take responsibility for his past actions and acknowledge the pain they have caused. This can be a crucial step in rebuilding trust.
Practice Empathy: Encourage him to try to understand your perspective and the reasons behind your decision to distance yourself. Empathy can foster connection and healing.
Respect Boundaries: If you have set boundaries, it’s essential for him to respect them. This shows that he values your feelings and is willing to work towards a healthier relationship.
Seek Support: Suggest that he seek support from friends, family, or a therapist to help him process his emotions and learn healthier ways to cope with conflict.

Conclusion

Family dynamics can be complex and painful, but prioritizing emotional health is crucial for both parties. By taking these steps, the narrator can work towards healing and self-empowerment, while the father has the opportunity to reflect and grow. Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your well-being and seek relationships that uplift you.