AITA For Cutting Off My College Friends After They Used Me For Years?

AITA for cutting off my college friends after they used me for years?

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

When Friendship Turns One-Sided: A Med Student’s Dilemma

In a competitive med school environment, one student finds herself shouldering the burden of group projects while her friends take a backseat. After years of hard work and dedication, she realizes that her so-called friends have never truly supported her, especially during her struggles with a challenging course. The breaking point comes when she learns of their casual study sessions, leaving her feeling isolated and unappreciated. As she contemplates distancing herself from these friends, she grapples with guilt and the fear of being alone in a demanding academic world.

Family Drama and Conflict Resolution in Med School

In the midst of a challenging medical school journey, a student faced significant family drama and conflict resolution issues with close friends. Here’s a breakdown of the situation:

Background: The student, 24 years old and from a competitive Latin American country, formed a study group with three friends: Yellow, Green, and Purple. They became close during their time in med school.
Initial Imbalance: From the beginning, the student noticed an imbalance in group work. Despite being organized and dedicated, they ended up doing most of the work for group projects, while the others contributed minimally.
Escalating Tension: As semesters progressed, the expectation for the student to handle all aspects of projects grew. This included creating PowerPoints, conducting research, and structuring presentations, while their friends received equal credit.
Breaking Point: The situation peaked during a semester with six subjects and seven major group projects. Although Green occasionally offered help, her contributions were limited to copy-pasting from ChatGPT.
Indigenous Language Course: The student struggled significantly with an indigenous language course, which was known to their friends. Meanwhile, Green and Yellow studied together for the midterm and final exams, leaving the student feeling isolated in their struggles.
Missed Presentation: The student missed one presentation due to not achieving the minimum points required. They had informed their group in advance and provided all necessary materials. However, Yellow expressed to another classmate that they expected the student to drop out, which was deeply hurtful.
Decision to Distance: This incident prompted the student to distance themselves from Yellow and Green. They decided to acknowledge them in passing but would no longer collaborate on projects.
Current Situation: The student is now enrolled in an online summer course with Green, who has reached out via private messages. However, the student has chosen not to respond. Next semester, they will have classes with both Yellow and Green again.
Support from Purple: Purple, who has witnessed the student’s dedication and the group’s dynamics, remains a supportive friend, although they are taking different classes this semester.
Future Considerations: The student is contemplating how to navigate their relationships moving forward. They feel guilty about cutting off Yellow and Green without an explanation and are seeking recommendations for conflict resolution.

In summary, this situation highlights the complexities of friendship and collaboration in a high-pressure environment like medical school. The student is now faced with the challenge of making new friends or spending time alone while managing the lingering tension with their former study group.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

I’ve had three close friends since the beginning of med school; let’s call them Yellow, Green, and Purple. We were a study group and did everything together. I’m the oldest at 24, since it took me a while to get into med school. I’m from a Latin American country, and it’s very competitive.

Ever since the first semester, I noticed I was the one doing most of the work when it came to group projects. At first, I didn’t mind because I take my studies seriously and assumed they just relied on me because I was more organized. But by the second semester, it became obvious they expected me to do everything—powerpoints, research, formatting, even structuring the presentation so they only had to memorize a few lines.

They always got full credit, just like me, despite barely contributing. Last semester was the breaking point. I had six subjects and had to do seven major group projects.

Once again, I did them all alone. Green would occasionally offer to help, but when she did, she’d just copy-paste from ChatGPT without even trying to reword it. Yellow didn’t bother at all.

What made me finally cut them off was a specific subject we had to take—an indigenous language course. I struggled a lot with it, and everyone knew, including Yellow and Green. Meanwhile, I was drowning in group projects and trying to study for this class.

One day, Green casually told me she had spent the entire weekend at Yellow’s house just studying for the indigenous language midterm. I let it slide because I thought it was a one-time thing, but then for the final, she mentioned again—completely casually—that they had been studying together since Thursday. We had the subject on Monday.

That’s when it hit me. I had been doing all the research, all the projects, carrying them for years, while they never once offered to help me with my struggles. To add insult to injury, I missed one presentation out of seven because I didn’t get the minimum points to present.

I let my group know in advance, gave them my part of the script, and made sure they had everything they needed. I had never missed a presentation before. Later, I found out from another classmate that Yellow had privately messaged her saying she “expected” me to drop out. I beg your finest pardon???

That was the final straw for me; I made the decision to distance myself. I will still acknowledge them when I see them, but I have no intention of working with them again. Right now, I’m taking an online summer course where Green is also enrolled.

She has sent me private messages, but I haven’t replied. Next semester, I’ll have classes with both Yellow and Green again. Purple, who has seen firsthand how much effort I put into everything and how things fell apart, has stuck by me.

However, she’s taking different classes this semester, so we’ll only really see each other at lunch. That means I’ll either have to make new friends or spend most of my time alone. I don’t plan on being rude, but I can’t shake the guilt of cutting them off without an explanation. Any recommendations on what I can do?

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong agreement that the individual is not at fault for distancing themselves from friends who have consistently taken advantage of their efforts. Users emphasize that mutual support is essential in friendships, and the lack of reciprocity from these friends justifies the decision to cut ties. Many commenters share personal experiences of similar situations, reinforcing the idea that prioritizing one’s well-being and seeking healthier relationships is crucial.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

Navigating friendships and collaborations in a high-pressure environment like medical school can be challenging. Here are some practical steps for resolving the conflict while addressing both sides:

For the Student

Reflect on Your Feelings: Take some time to understand your emotions regarding the situation. Acknowledge the hurt and frustration you experienced, but also consider what you want moving forward.
Communicate Openly: If you feel comfortable, consider reaching out to Yellow and Green to express your feelings. Use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory, such as “I felt overwhelmed when I was handling most of the project work.” This can help them understand your perspective.
Set Boundaries: Clearly define what you are willing to accept in future collaborations. If you choose to work with them again, establish roles and responsibilities upfront to ensure a more balanced workload.
Seek Support: Lean on Purple and other friends for emotional support. Discuss your experiences and feelings with them, as they can provide valuable insights and encouragement.
Consider New Connections: Use this opportunity to meet new people in your classes. Building a diverse support network can help alleviate feelings of isolation and provide fresh perspectives.

For Yellow and Green

Self-Reflection: Encourage Yellow and Green to reflect on their actions and the impact they had on your friendship. Understanding how their behavior contributed to the conflict is crucial for growth.
Apologize and Acknowledge: If they recognize their shortcomings, they should reach out to you with a sincere apology. Acknowledging the imbalance in the group work can help mend the relationship.
Be Open to Feedback: They should be willing to listen to your concerns without becoming defensive. This openness can foster a healthier dialogue and rebuild trust.
Commit to Change: If they wish to continue the friendship, they need to demonstrate a commitment to being more supportive and equitable in future collaborations.

Moving Forward

Conflict resolution is a two-way street. While it’s essential for you to express your feelings and set boundaries, it’s equally important for Yellow and Green to understand their role in the situation. Whether you choose to reconnect or continue distancing yourself, prioritize your well-being and surround yourself with supportive individuals who value your contributions.