AITA For Not Letting My Mother In Law Stay The Night At Our House Right After I Give Birth?

AITA for not letting my mother in law stay the night at our house right after I give birth?

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New Mom Faces Dilemma Over Post-Birth Guests

As a first-time mom, a woman grapples with the emotional and physical challenges of welcoming her newborn while navigating family dynamics. With her husband’s mother living far away, she sets boundaries for the first few nights after birth, wanting to bond as a family without overnight guests. However, her mother-in-law‘s strong reaction to these boundaries leaves her feeling anxious and torn between her needs and family expectations. This relatable struggle highlights the complexities of motherhood, mental health, and the importance of setting personal boundaries during a life-changing moment.

Family Drama Surrounding Baby’s Arrival

A 28-year-old woman (referred to as OP) and her 27-year-old husband are preparing for the arrival of their first child. The couple is navigating family dynamics and expectations, leading to significant wedding tension and potential conflict resolution challenges.

Expecting a Baby: OP and her husband are excited about their upcoming addition to the family.
Family Proximity: OP’s parents live nearby, while her mother-in-law resides a few states away. OP maintains a polite but not particularly close relationship with her mother-in-law.
Visitation Plans: The couple plans to notify both mothers when labor begins, allowing them to decide whether to visit immediately or wait until after the birth.
Desire for Privacy: OP expresses a strong preference for no overnight guests during the first few days post-birth. She wishes to bond with her newborn and adjust to the new family dynamic without feeling overwhelmed.
Social Anxiety: OP has social anxiety and anticipates feeling exhausted and vulnerable after giving birth. She fears that having guests, even well-meaning ones, could add to her stress.
Communication with Family: OP informs her mother about her wishes, who responds positively and suggests that the mother-in-law stay at her house instead. OP also offers to pay for a hotel for her mother-in-law, providing two options for her stay.
Mother-in-Law‘s Reaction: When OP’s husband communicates the plan to his mother, she reacts negatively, stating that if she cannot stay with them, she will not come at all. This response surprises OP and raises her anxiety levels.
Support from Husband: OP’s husband supports her decision but also desires for his mother to be present for the birth of her grandchild.
Emotional Conflict: OP feels torn between her need for comfort during a vulnerable time and the desire to maintain a good relationship with her mother-in-law and husband.

OP is seeking advice on how to handle this family drama. She wonders if her reasons for wanting privacy during the first few days after birth are valid enough to prioritize her comfort, even if it risks upsetting her mother-in-law. The couple is striving for a solution that accommodates everyone’s feelings while ensuring OP feels supported during this significant life transition.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

I 28F and my husband 27M are expecting a baby soon. My parents live close by, while his mom is a few states away. I have a good relationship with his mom, but we aren’t very close; it’s mostly polite conversations when she visits.

I’m happy for her to visit as soon as the baby is born. Since it’s hard to predict the exact date, we plan to call her and my sister, who also lives out of state, when I go into labor. They know they’re welcome to book a flight right away or wait until after the birth. Whatever works for them.

I recently told my husband I didn’t want anyone staying overnight at our house for the first few days after birth. He seemed surprised but supported me, and we agreed to let everyone know. I told my mom first, explaining family is welcome to visit all day and into the evening, but I wanted the first few nights to bond as a family and adjust without overnight guests.

This is our first and likely only baby, and I want to treasure those moments. I also explained that while I appreciate people wanting to help, having guests—even well-meaning ones—can be overwhelming. I have a lot of social anxiety, a low social battery, and expect to feel exhausted and vulnerable after birth.

Not to mention both our mothers have no problem telling us what we are doing wrong and how we should be doing things. My mom to me and his mom to him. I suspect it might be hard having people over all day when I am that tired and emotionally vulnerable right after giving birth, but I understand grandparents wanting to be around the baby right away, and having some time to ourselves at night felt like a good compromise.

My mom understood and offered for my mother-in-law to stay at her house, which has a comfortable guest room. We also offered to pay for a nice waterside hotel, giving her two options. When my husband explained this to his mom, she became upset and said if she couldn’t stay with us, she wouldn’t come at all.

This response threw me off. We’ve always hosted her before, even though having guests makes me anxious. I’ve never said no because she’s family, and I feel I should get over my anxiety, but I feel the first few days after birth are different.

My husband is supportive and says it’s my decision, but I know he wants her to come. I want that too—for her to meet her grandchild and for my husband’s sake. But her reaction has left me feeling anxious and panicked about labor all of a sudden.

I’m torn. If I give in, I worry I’ll feel overwhelmed and resentful, affecting the experience and weeks left leading up to it. If I don’t, I’m afraid it will hurt my relationship with her and disappoint my husband, even though it’s her choice not to come.

Does anyone have advice? Are the first few days after birth a good enough reason to stick to what makes me comfortable, even if it upsets her? I’m trying to find a solution that works for everyone, but I’m struggling.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the original poster (OP) is NTA for wanting to set boundaries regarding her mother-in-law‘s (MIL) visit after the birth of her baby. Many users emphasize the importance of prioritizing OP’s well-being and recovery during this significant life event, arguing that the MIL’s demands are unreasonable and manipulative. The majority opinion suggests that OP should maintain her stance and not feel guilty about her decision, as it is crucial for her to focus on her own needs and the needs of her newborn.

Overall Verdict

NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving Family Conflict

Navigating family dynamics during such a significant life event can be challenging. It’s essential to balance your needs with the feelings of your loved ones. Here are some practical steps to help resolve the conflict while ensuring your comfort and well-being:

For OP and Her Husband

Reiterate Boundaries: Clearly communicate your need for privacy during the first few days after birth. Emphasize that this time is crucial for bonding with your newborn and recovering from childbirth.
Involve Your Husband: Work together with your husband to present a united front. He can express to his mother that while they appreciate her desire to be present, your comfort and well-being must come first.
Offer Alternatives: Suggest alternative ways for the mother-in-law to be involved, such as video calls or visiting after the initial adjustment period. This shows that you value her presence while maintaining your boundaries.
Set a Timeline: If the mother-in-law is open to visiting later, propose a specific timeframe for her visit, allowing you to prepare mentally and physically for her arrival.
Practice Self-Care: Acknowledge your feelings of anxiety and stress. Consider seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist to help you navigate this emotional time.

For the Mother-in-Law

Encourage Open Communication: The mother-in-law should express her feelings without making demands. She can share her excitement about becoming a grandmother while also respecting OP’s wishes.
Reflect on Boundaries: It’s important for her to understand that OP’s need for privacy is not a rejection of her but rather a necessary step for the new family unit to bond and adjust.
Consider Compromise: The mother-in-law could explore the option of staying nearby but not in the home, allowing her to be close while respecting OP’s need for space.
Focus on the Positive: Encourage her to think about the joy of meeting her grandchild and how she can support OP and her husband during this transition, rather than focusing on her own disappointment.

Final Thoughts

Family dynamics can be complex, especially during significant life changes. By prioritizing open communication, understanding, and compromise, both sides can work towards a resolution that respects OP’s needs while also acknowledging the mother-in-law‘s desire to be involved. Remember, this is a time for celebration and support, and finding a balance will ultimately strengthen family bonds.