AITA For Telling My Parents The Best Decision I Ever Made Was Moving Away From Our Family?

AITA for telling my parents the best decision I ever made was moving away from our family?

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Breaking Free from Family Expectations

At just 18, a young man leaves his unsupportive family behind, seeking independence and a fresh start in a new state. Struggling with ADD and years of feeling like the black sheep, he finds solace in college and builds a life filled with love and acceptance, far from the judgmental eyes of his relatives. When his family unexpectedly reaches out after years of silence, he faces a choice: reconnect or maintain his hard-won freedom. This story resonates with anyone who has ever felt misunderstood or trapped by family dynamics, sparking questions about loyalty, self-worth, and the true meaning of success.

Family Drama and Conflict Resolution: A Personal Journey

A 24-year-old man reflects on his tumultuous relationship with his family after moving out at 18. His story highlights the challenges of family dynamics, personal struggles, and the quest for independence.

Early Independence: Moved out of his parents’ house a week after turning 18 and graduating high school.
Different Paths: Unlike his siblings, who stayed home during college, he chose to attend school in a different state, working hard to support himself.
Limited Communication: After an initial year of sporadic contact, he stopped communicating with his family for several years.

The reasons for this estrangement are complex:

Feeling Like the Black Sheep: He struggled with ADD, which affected his academic performance and led to frustration from his family.
Family Expectations: His parents often compared him unfavorably to his siblings, emphasizing their academic successes and dismissing his challenges.
Mockery and Isolation: Siblings would tease him about his concentration issues, leaving him feeling abandoned and ridiculed.
Embarrassment: His parents made jokes about him being “switched at birth,” which created discomfort among family and friends.

Despite these challenges, he found support outside his family:

Supportive Teacher: A teacher helped him improve academically, leading to his only A, which his family dismissed as a result of bribery.
Building a New Life: He struggled through college but eventually found a supportive partner and community outside his family.

Years later, a sibling reached out, prompting him to reconnect with his parents:

Initial Contact: He called his parents after years of silence, seeking closure.
Surprise and Judgment: His parents expressed shock at his survival and questioned his life choices, including his college success.
Demand for Return: They insisted he move back home and make amends, stating it was against family tradition to leave.

During the call, he asserted his independence:

Life Satisfaction: He shared that he graduated and lived a fulfilling life, free from addiction.
Firm Stance: He expressed no regrets about leaving, which led to a heated exchange.
Final Decision: After feeling insulted, he ended the call, stating it would be better not to communicate further.

In the aftermath, his parents sent multiple texts, indicating that his comments about leaving were hurtful and would have consequences.

In conclusion, the man reflects on whether he was in the wrong for prioritizing his well-being over family expectations. This story encapsulates the complexities of family drama, the struggle for conflict resolution, and the tension surrounding personal choices, especially during significant life events like moving away and establishing independence.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

I 24m moved out of my parents’ house a week after my 18th birthday and my high school graduation, and I never went back. This was very different from the rest of my family, who stayed home until college started and made regular trips back home throughout their time in college, sometimes even moving back in and commuting daily. Instead, I applied for college in a different state where I knew nobody, and I left.

I worked as much as I could all summer to save money, and I used that to help me get by. For holidays and other times campus was closed, I stayed with a few others who didn’t have families to go home to or who couldn’t return to theirs. I didn’t call or keep in touch with anyone in my family.

They made a couple of calls that first year, but those stopped, and we didn’t speak for several more years. The reason for this is complicated to me but might seem so simple to others, idk. But I always felt like the black sheep of the family.

I have ADD, which made my attention span pretty awful, and that’s still something that isn’t perfect. My ability to lose track of what I was doing or to lose concentration frustrated most of my family. My grades were the worst out of my whole family, and that was due to the ADD, but my parents weren’t big on “excuses.”

They would always tell me I needed to do better; I needed to stop making excuses. They’d tell me to look at my siblings’ grades, and they’d especially focus on my younger brother’s grades, saying if my younger sibling could get straight A’s, then so could I. The straight A’s thing was something all my siblings could do.

They said it was in our blood to do well in school, and I was fucking up my life. My siblings would say I was just too dumb to do well in school. There were times my older siblings would be in charge when our parents went out, and they’d take our younger brother and leave me at home alone, laughing about how I didn’t even notice.

Other times, we were all out together, and they abandoned me there, laughing about how bad my concentration was and how they’d tried to make everyone’s life easier by leaving me good and open for a kidnapper. When my parents would get embarrassed about my grades around others, they’d start joking that I was switched at birth because nothing else could explain me being “the odd duck” of the family. They made those jokes enough times that I think it made other people uncomfortable.

It was their own fault, though. They always bragged to others about my siblings’ grades, and when I got a mention, it quickly became clear they didn’t approve of me. The one person I used to have on my side was my paternal grandma. Until I was 11, she was great.

Then she started saying hurtful things, and it turned out she had dementia, and that was why she changed so fast. The one time I got an A in school, nobody believed I had actually done it, and they thought I bribed the teacher for the grade. The only reason I got it was that the teacher was really great, and he sat with me and helped me after school to do better.

When college was getting closer, my parents didn’t even talk to me about it like they had with my siblings. They said they assumed I’d go there if I could even get in, but if not, they expected I’d be staying and trying to figure out how to fix my life since I’d done nothing but destroy it since I was born. So I never told anyone my plans, and then I moved out, and all contact stopped.

I struggled through college and met some good people. I moved around a bit before finding a great guy and settling down with him. I never even came out to my family because I didn’t know how they’d take it. But outside their house, I live as myself, and I found people who love me.

One of my siblings reached out to me after Christmas and said mom and dad wanted to hear from me, and I should call them. I debated it for a while but decided calling them was something I should do and at least get some closure if I didn’t feel like we could have a relationship. So I called them up, and I might have fucked up here, but who knows.

They said they were surprised I wasn’t dead and had wondered if I’d ever reach out again. They wanted to know where I was, and I gave them a state but nothing else. They wanted to know how long it took me to flunk out of college and whether I was an addict.

I told them I graduated and never touched alcohol or drugs, and I told them my life was the best it had ever been. They more or less demanded that I move back to the hometown and make amends for leaving and never coming back. They said it’s not what our family does.

I told them I had zero regrets, and I said moving away from the family was the best thing I ever did. They started to protest, but I asked them if anyone in the family actually liked me or cared about me, or was it a pride thing with them. They told me I spoke to them for the first time in six years, and I insulted them and turned this into a pity party, and they said I always liked to make excuses for not being successful.

I didn’t want to talk anymore, so I ended the call and said it would be better if we didn’t talk again. They texted me a dozen or so times since the call, and they told me I can’t say something hurtful like moving away was the best decision I ever made and not expect there to be consequences.

So was I TA?

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a unanimous agreement that the original poster (OP) is not at fault (NTA) for distancing themselves from their parents. Users emphasize that OP owes nothing to their parents due to their past mistreatment and lack of accountability, encouraging OP to prioritize their own happiness and well-being. Many commenters suggest blocking all communication with the parents and celebrating OP’s success as a testament to their strength and resilience.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving Family Conflict

Family conflicts can be deeply challenging, especially when they involve long-standing issues and emotional wounds. Here are some practical steps for both the original poster (OP) and their family to consider in resolving their conflict and fostering healthier relationships.

For the Original Poster (OP)

Reflect on Your Feelings: Take time to understand your emotions regarding your family. Acknowledge the hurt and frustration you’ve experienced, but also consider what you hope to achieve by reconnecting.
Set Boundaries: If you choose to engage with your family, establish clear boundaries about what topics are off-limits. Communicate these boundaries firmly but respectfully.
Consider a Mediator: If you feel comfortable, consider involving a neutral third party, such as a therapist or family counselor, to facilitate discussions. This can help ensure that everyone feels heard and respected.
Focus on Your Achievements: When discussing your life, emphasize your accomplishments and the positive steps you’ve taken. This can help shift the narrative from past grievances to present successes.
Be Open to Dialogue: If you decide to communicate with your family, approach the conversation with an open mind. Listen to their perspectives, even if you disagree, and express your feelings calmly.

For the Family

Acknowledge Past Mistakes: Recognize the hurtful behaviors and comments that contributed to the estrangement. A sincere acknowledgment can be a powerful first step toward healing.
Practice Empathy: Try to understand OP’s perspective and the challenges they faced. Empathy can help bridge the gap and foster a more supportive environment.
Communicate Without Judgment: When reaching out to OP, focus on expressing love and concern without placing blame or making demands. Avoid comparing OP to other siblings, as this can reignite old wounds.
Be Patient: Understand that rebuilding trust takes time. Be prepared for OP to need space and time to process their feelings before fully engaging with the family.
Seek Professional Help: Consider family therapy to address underlying issues and improve communication. A professional can guide the family in navigating complex emotions and dynamics.

Conclusion

Conflict resolution within families is a delicate process that requires effort from all parties involved. By approaching the situation with empathy, openness, and a willingness to change, both OP and their family can work towards a healthier relationship. Remember, prioritizing mental well-being and fostering supportive connections is essential for everyone’s happiness.