WIBTA For Breaking Up With My Fiancée For Intent To Cheat

WIBTA for breaking up with my fiancée for intent to cheat

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Trust, Betrayal, and the Breaking Point

After seven years of ups and downs, a woman grapples with the painful realization that her fiancé may not be the faithful partner she believed him to be. From questionable online interactions to mysterious phone calls, her journey is filled with red flags that many can relate to in the complexities of modern relationships. When a shocking discovery leads her to confront the truth, she must decide whether to prioritize her own well-being or cling to the memories of their once-happy life together. This story resonates with anyone who has faced the challenge of trust in a relationship, making it a thought-provoking exploration of love, loyalty, and self-worth.

Family Drama and Conflict Resolution: A Difficult Decision

A 34-year-old woman reflects on her tumultuous seven-year relationship with her fiancé, a 43-year-old man. Their journey has been marked by significant challenges, particularly concerning trust and fidelity. Below is a summary of the key events that led to her decision to end the engagement.

Initial Relationship Dynamics:
- They dated for three years before moving in together.
- Throughout their relationship, the woman faced multiple instances of what she perceived as infidelity.
Incidents of Concern:
- In the first year of cohabitation, she discovered her fiancé in a compromising situation with his phone.
- In the second year, she found messages indicating he had paid for explicit content from an online sex worker, which he dismissed as mere curiosity.
- During a long-distance phase in their fourth year, she encountered a woman who answered his phone, leading to a confrontation where he denied any wrongdoing despite evidence to the contrary.
- In the fifth year, she found flirtatious messages to other women on his social media, which he claimed were just friendly interactions.
- Recently, colleagues mentioned an office romance involving her fiancé, which he denied, attributing it to rumors.
Recent Discovery:
- While decluttering their bedroom, she found condoms in his suit pocket, which were not expired.
- After he left for a work trip, she noticed the condoms had disappeared from the wardrobe.
Confrontation and Resolution:
- Upon his return, she confronted him about the condoms. He denied any wrongdoing, claiming he moved them to avoid misunderstandings.
- Ultimately, she decided to end the engagement, recognizing that he had crossed her boundaries.
Reflection on the Relationship:
- Despite the challenges, she acknowledges the positive aspects of their relationship, including his generosity and support during difficult times.
- She expresses regret over the ending but feels empowered to prioritize her well-being.

This story highlights the complexities of family drama and the importance of conflict resolution in relationships. The woman’s decision to end her engagement reflects a commitment to self-respect and the recognition of her partner’s repeated breaches of trust.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

I have been with my fiancé for 7 years. We dated and lived separately for 3 years and moved in together in the 4th year. In that timeline, we have faced a few challenges with what I consider infidelity.

One year into living together, I opened the door to his den to see him on the couch, holding his member and his phone in the other hand. In the 2nd year, I found messages where he paid an online sex worker to send him pictures of her and even discussed a video call. He claimed he was just curious and wanted to know if it really worked.

In the 4th year, he got a job on a resort island, and we went long distance. We would video call every morning and night. One morning, I had a crazy early morning and told him I would reach out.

When I did get to call him, some lady picked up, and when I asked about him, she said he was in the shower. I was annoyed, and this clearly came through, and she asked if it was wrong to have picked up his call. I said I didn’t understand who she was to pick up his personal phone and insisted she put him on the line.

There was silence for a while, then it dropped off. I called again, and he picked up. I confronted him about the lady, and he claimed he had his phone the whole time and no one picked up his call.

He completely feigned ignorance despite me sending a screenshot showing the call duration. In the 5th year, I found multiple “hi” messages to random women on his Facebook Messenger. He claimed it was just friendly.

This year, my colleagues went out for drinks and bumped into people from his previous workplace. They began talking about office romances and mentioned a lady, and his name was mentioned alongside hers with claims they had an open thing, and he even sent her flowers to the office.

Note we met while working together, and he often sent me flowers to the office. When I asked him about it, he denied it, claiming it was just a rumor. Now, just last week, I got a feeling something was off and was driven to declutter.

I found myself decluttering a wardrobe in our bedroom that we barely use and that holds old coats and suits we don’t use, along with a drawer with old swimsuits. The majority of the items in there are his and are suits he hasn’t worn for the duration of our being together, so I decided to pull them out, clear pockets, etc., so I could ask him if we can give them away.

In one of the pockets, I found 2 condoms. At first, I thought they must have been old, but the expiry date was marked for 2026. Oddly, I didn’t react and put them back.

He had a work trip the next day and woke early to get ready. I woke up when he walked back into the bedroom and had a moment of complete mental alertness but didn’t move. I saw him open the wardrobe and heard the sound of the condoms being pulled out.

He came over, kissed me goodbye, and left. I waited until I heard the car leave, then turned on the lights and went through every suit to check for the condoms. They were gone.

I haven’t said anything as yet. I don’t know how to handle this, but would I be the asshole for breaking it off for this, as all I can think is he is intentionally planning to cheat?

Update

He came back. We had the conversation. He denied it, of course, claiming he moved them because he was worried I may come across them and read it wrong. They were in a different room.

The engagement is off. While you have been ruthless about it, I needed such objective feedback to truly accept my reality. He has cheated on me.

He has crossed my boundary, and I need to step up for me. Why did I stay? He is an amazing man in all other aspects of his life.

He is generous to a fault; he would give a stranger the shirt off his back. He loves his family and is great with them but stood up to them when they asked him not to marry me because I am of a different race. He is great with mine.

When my dad died, he dropped everything to support and get us through it. I have had a great 7 years, and even at this point, I don’t regret them. I just regret the ending and that it had to be this.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a unanimous agreement that the individual in question is being cheated on and should end the relationship. Users emphasize the importance of self-respect and recognize that the signs of infidelity have been evident for a long time, suggesting that the person is in denial about the situation. Overall, the comments reflect a strong sentiment that staying in the relationship is detrimental to the individual’s well-being.

Verdict: YTA

Expert Advice for Resolving Relationship Conflict

Ending a long-term engagement is a significant and often painful decision. It’s essential to approach the situation with empathy and understanding for both parties involved. Here are some practical steps to consider for resolving the conflict and moving forward:

For the Woman Ending the Engagement

Reflect on Your Feelings: Take time to process your emotions. Journaling can help clarify your thoughts and feelings about the relationship.
Communicate Clearly: When you decide to end the engagement, communicate your reasons honestly but kindly. Use “I” statements to express how his actions affected you.
Set Boundaries: After the breakup, establish clear boundaries regarding communication and interactions to facilitate healing.
Seek Support: Lean on friends, family, or a therapist for emotional support during this transition. Sharing your experience can help you feel less isolated.
Focus on Self-Care: Engage in activities that promote your well-being, such as exercise, hobbies, or mindfulness practices. Prioritize your mental and emotional health.

For the Fiancé

Self-Reflection: Take time to consider the impact of your actions on your partner. Acknowledge any patterns of behavior that may have contributed to the relationship’s decline.
Accept Responsibility: If you recognize that your actions have hurt your partner, take responsibility for them. Avoid making excuses or deflecting blame.
Seek Professional Help: Consider talking to a therapist to explore underlying issues that may have led to infidelity or trust issues in the relationship.
Respect Her Decision: If she chooses to end the engagement, respect her choice. Understand that she is prioritizing her well-being, and it’s essential to give her space.
Learn and Grow: Use this experience as an opportunity for personal growth. Reflect on what you can learn from this relationship to improve future ones.

Moving Forward

Both individuals should focus on healing and personal growth after the breakup. It’s crucial to recognize that relationships can be complex, and sometimes, despite the love and support shared, they may not be healthy or fulfilling. Prioritizing self-respect and well-being is essential for both parties as they navigate this difficult transition.