AITA For Telling My Mother That I Feel Like She Doesn't Think Before She Speaks Sometimes?

AITA for telling my mother that I feel like she doesn’t think before she speaks sometimes?

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Struggling with Family Dynamics: A Painful Reality

In a heart-wrenching tale of familial conflict, a young woman grapples with years of bullying from her mother, who dismisses her feelings and belittles her in public and private. Despite her attempts to communicate her pain, her mother’s hurtful comments continue, leaving her feeling isolated and misunderstood. When a particularly offensive joke about marriage crosses the line, she finally speaks up, only to be met with accusations of disrespect. This story resonates with many who have faced similar challenges in navigating toxic family relationships, raising questions about accountability and the complexities of love and hurt within families.

Family Drama and Conflict Resolution: A Personal Reflection

In a recent family interaction, a young woman found herself grappling with ongoing tension and hurtful comments from her mother. This situation highlights the complexities of family dynamics, particularly when it comes to communication and emotional sensitivity.

Background: The young woman has faced bullying from her mother since childhood. As an introvert, she often remains quiet in response to her mother’s insults, which include mocking her tics and making derogatory comments about her eating habits.
Attempts at Communication: Despite her efforts to express how her mother’s words affect her, the mother dismisses these feelings, labeling her as overly sensitive and unable to handle criticism.
Recent Incident: During a phone call with her brother and mother, the mother made a comment about her laughing, calling her “clucking like a turkey.” When the daughter pointed out the unkindness of the remark, the conversation escalated.
Inappropriate Jokes: The mother has a history of making jokes about marrying her daughter off, which the daughter finds offensive. Despite expressing her discomfort, the mother continues to make such comments, insisting that the daughter is too sensitive.
Escalation of Tension: After the call, the daughter chose to ignore her mother, leading to further conflict. The mother accused her of being dramatic, which only deepened the daughter’s feelings of hurt.
Morning After: The following morning, the mother questioned whether her daughter was still upset. When the daughter attempted to explain her feelings, the mother responded with hostility, suggesting that she would reveal her true thoughts about her daughter someday.
Parental Intervention: The father intervened, suggesting that the daughter was disrespectful and should apologize, despite her belief that her mother has never apologized for her hurtful comments.

This situation raises important questions about family dynamics and the expectations placed on individuals within those relationships. The daughter feels a sense of injustice, as she has consistently been the one to apologize, while her mother remains unaccountable for her actions.

In navigating this family drama, it is crucial for both parties to engage in open dialogue and seek conflict resolution. Understanding each other’s perspectives and establishing boundaries may help alleviate some of the tension. The daughter is left wondering if she is in the wrong for expressing her feelings, highlighting the complexities of familial relationships and the need for mutual respect.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

For context, my mother has bullied me since I was a kid. I’m introverted and quiet, so when she insults me, I usually stay quiet or tell her that what she’s saying hurts. I’ve tried communicating with her about how badly she can make me feel, but she always says I’m too sensitive, need to grow up, or can’t handle criticism.

I have tics, and she’s the only family member who makes fun of them. Whenever I tic, she makes a big show of gasping and says I scared her, then imitates me, claiming she’s not doing it on purpose. When I was younger, I had a habit of putting too much food in my cheeks, and she would call me the “queen of the pigs,” yelling that I was disgusting.

She also used to get mad at me for my smile in pictures, claiming I was doing it on purpose. I’m autistic, and for years, I struggled to smile naturally. She’s called me lazy and fat, even though I’ve always been close to underweight and was sick for a couple of years, leaving me with barely enough energy to get up.

I’m sharing this to explain why I believe she doesn’t fully understand how her words affect others. Yesterday, while walking home from the gym on a call with my brother and my mother, she told me to “stop clucking like a turkey” and watch my steps after I laughed. I told her it wasn’t kind and moved on.

Later, I joked with my brother, and he joked about me being too old to act that way. My mother said, “I know, right? She truly doesn’t act like she’s twenty. We should just marry her off to her cousin.” My mother has made many jokes about marrying me off or telling me I need to find a rich husband to go anywhere in life.

I’ve told her many times that these jokes aren’t funny, but she rolls her eyes and tells me I’m sensitive. I found the cousin comment disgusting and hung up. When I got home, I ignored her, and when I went to make dinner, she said I was being dramatic and it wasn’t a big deal.

This morning, her first comment to me was, “Are you still mad at me?” I didn’t know what to say, so she groaned and asked what she did wrong. I told her, “I feel like you don’t think about what you say sometimes,” and she responded, “Well, you better watch your mouth.”

I’ll tell you what I really think of you someday, then you’ll see. My dad intervened, saying, “Okay, let’s cut the conversation here.” Later, I asked my dad if what I said was disrespectful.

He said it was, that I can’t speak to my mother that way, and told me to apologize. This doesn’t feel fair because she’s never apologized to me, even though I’ve done it countless times. I don’t understand why I’m expected to be the bigger person since childhood, while she’s never held to the same standard.

My dad always justifies her behavior with, “You know how she is.” I genuinely don’t understand how what I said was disrespectful. Maybe I’m wrong, so am I the asshole for saying that?

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the original poster (OP) is not at fault (NTA) for their reaction to their mother’s hurtful comments. Users emphasize that the mother’s behavior is toxic and intentional, suggesting that OP should either confront her about the impact of her words or adopt a more assertive approach in response to her insults. Overall, the comments highlight the importance of recognizing the mother’s mental health issues while advocating for OP’s emotional well-being.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving Family Conflict

Family dynamics can be incredibly complex, especially when hurtful comments and misunderstandings are involved. Here are some practical steps for both the daughter and the mother to help navigate this conflict and foster healthier communication.

For the Daughter

Set Clear Boundaries: Identify specific behaviors or comments that are unacceptable. Communicate these boundaries to your mother in a calm and clear manner.
Practice Assertive Communication: Use “I” statements to express your feelings. For example, “I feel hurt when you make jokes about my eating habits.” This approach focuses on your feelings rather than placing blame.
Seek Support: Consider talking to a trusted friend or therapist about your experiences. They can provide validation and help you develop coping strategies.
Limit Engagement: If conversations become too hurtful, it’s okay to step back. Let your mother know that you need some time apart to process your feelings.
Document Your Feelings: Keeping a journal can help you articulate your emotions and track patterns in your mother’s behavior, which can be useful for future discussions.

For the Mother

Reflect on Your Words: Take time to consider how your comments may affect your daughter. Ask yourself if your jokes are truly harmless or if they might be causing pain.
Practice Active Listening: When your daughter expresses her feelings, listen without interrupting. Acknowledge her emotions, even if you don’t fully understand them.
Apologize When Necessary: If you recognize that your comments have hurt your daughter, a sincere apology can go a long way in rebuilding trust and respect.
Seek Professional Help: If you find it challenging to change your communication style, consider speaking with a therapist. They can help you understand your behavior and improve your relationship with your daughter.
Encourage Open Dialogue: Create a safe space for your daughter to share her feelings without fear of judgment. This can help foster a more supportive relationship.

Moving Forward

Both parties should approach the situation with empathy and a willingness to understand each other’s perspectives. Conflict resolution takes time and effort, but with commitment from both sides, it is possible to improve communication and strengthen familial bonds.