My Kids Think I Am Rude To Servers

My kids think I am rude to servers

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Am I the Entitled Parent?

In this thought-provoking AITA story, a parent grapples with the fine line between polite requests and perceived entitlement, questioning whether their behavior has influenced their children’s sensitivity. From asking for fresh mint for a cocktail to requesting extra vegetables in a dish, the narrator reflects on their dining experiences and the reactions of their adult kids. This relatable dilemma resonates with many who navigate social norms and expectations in everyday interactions, especially in a culture that values both assertiveness and politeness.

Am I the Entitled Parent? A Family Drama Reflection

In a recent family discussion, I found myself questioning whether my behavior is perceived as entitled or if my children, who are in their 20s, are simply hypersensitive. Here are some key points from our conversation that highlight the conflict:

Requesting Ingredients: During a visit to a casual restaurant bar, I politely asked the bartender if they had fresh mint available to make a Mojito. This request was met with some eye-rolling from my kids.
Modifying Orders: At another restaurant, I ordered pasta and inquired if I could add vegetables to my dish. The vegetables were listed as a side option on the menu, so I believed my request was reasonable and not overly demanding.
Politeness and Tipping: I pride myself on being very polite and respectful when making requests. I typically tip at least 20%, and for exceptional service, I often tip 25% or more. I believe in showing appreciation for good service.
Raising My Children: I am now reflecting on whether I may have raised my children to be overly sensitive or hesitant to express their needs directly. I wonder if they are too concerned about how others perceive them.

This situation has led to some wedding tension within our family, as my children seem to view my requests as entitled behavior. I am left questioning my actions and whether they are indeed inappropriate or if my kids are simply reacting to their own insecurities.

As I navigate this family drama, I seek conflict resolution. I want to understand if my requests are genuinely out of line or if my children need to develop a thicker skin when it comes to asking for what they want. I am open to feedback and hope to foster a more understanding environment within our family.

Ultimately, I am left pondering: Am I the entitled AH, or is this a matter of differing perspectives on communication and assertiveness?

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

I really want to know if I am rude or if my kids, M and F, in their 20s, are hypersensitive.

These are examples of where I think I act entitled:

At a casual restaurant bar, I asked the bartender if they had fresh mint to make a Mojito.
At a restaurant recently, I ordered pasta but asked if I could add vegetables. They had them offered as a side on the menu, so I wasn’t asking to make anything special for me.

Please keep in mind, I am VERY polite and not demanding. Would it be possible to add the vegetables to my pasta? I tip at least 20% unless the service is truly horrendous, like when the server ends a shift and forgets to come back.

I often tip 25% or more for excellent service. I’m trying to decide if perhaps I raised my kids to be overly soft and afraid to be direct and simply ask for what they want, or to be too worried about what other people think.

Am I the entitled AH?

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong skepticism towards the original poster’s (OP) portrayal of events, suggesting that there is likely more context that paints OP in a negative light. Many users highlight the potential for OP’s behavior to be perceived as entitled or overly demanding, particularly in how they interact with service staff. The consensus leans towards the idea that OP may not be as innocent as they claim, with several commenters sharing personal anecdotes that reflect poorly on OP’s attitude.

Overall Verdict: ESH

Expert Advice for Resolving Family Conflict

It’s clear that the situation has created tension between you and your children, and it’s commendable that you’re seeking to understand and improve the dynamics. Here are some practical steps to help resolve the conflict and foster better communication within your family:

Steps for OP

Self-Reflection: Take some time to reflect on your requests and interactions. Consider how they might be perceived by others, especially in a restaurant setting. Ask yourself if your requests could come off as demanding or if they are reasonable.
Open Dialogue: Initiate a calm and open conversation with your children. Ask them to share their feelings about your requests without fear of judgment. Listen actively and validate their feelings, even if you don’t fully agree.
Seek Feedback: Encourage your children to provide specific examples of when they felt your requests were entitled. This can help you understand their perspective better and identify any patterns in your behavior.
Adjust Expectations: Consider moderating your requests in social settings. For instance, if you’re at a casual restaurant, think about whether it’s necessary to modify your order or if you can enjoy what’s already offered.

Steps for Your Children

Express Concerns Constructively: Encourage your children to express their feelings about your behavior in a constructive manner. They should aim to communicate their concerns without being accusatory, focusing on how they feel rather than labeling you as entitled.
Practice Empathy: Remind your children to consider your perspective as well. They should recognize that you may not intend to come off as demanding and that your requests stem from a desire for a pleasant dining experience.
Develop Communication Skills: Encourage your children to practice assertiveness in their own lives. This can help them feel more comfortable expressing their needs and concerns, both with you and in other situations.

Building a Better Family Dynamic

Ultimately, the goal is to foster a more understanding and supportive family environment. Here are some additional tips:

Family Meetings: Consider holding regular family meetings where everyone can share their thoughts and feelings in a safe space. This can help build trust and improve communication.
Model Behavior: As a parent, continue to model respectful and polite behavior, but also be open to feedback. Show your children that it’s okay to adjust and grow from experiences.
Celebrate Progress: Acknowledge and celebrate improvements in communication and understanding within the family. Positive reinforcement can encourage everyone to continue working on their relationships.

By taking these steps, you can work towards resolving the conflict and creating a more harmonious family dynamic. Remember, it’s all about understanding each other’s perspectives and finding common ground.