WIBTA If I Leave My Partner Homeless?

WIBTA if I leave my partner homeless?

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Struggling with a One-Sided Relationship

A 20-year-old woman finds herself at her breaking point in a relationship with her fiancé, who seems to contribute little beyond his job. Despite being the primary breadwinner and caretaker for their one-year-old son, she feels overwhelmed and unappreciated, leading her to contemplate ending the engagement. The emotional toll of her fiancé’s lack of support and his manipulative behavior weighs heavily on her, making her situation all too relatable for many who have faced similar struggles in balancing work, family, and mental health. As she seeks therapy and considers her options, readers are left wondering if she will finally prioritize her own well-being.

Family Drama and Conflict Resolution: A Personal Journey

A 20-year-old woman (referred to as OP) is facing significant challenges in her relationship with her fiancé, a 22-year-old man. The couple has been experiencing ongoing conflict, leading OP to consider ending their engagement. Here’s a summary of the situation:

Current Relationship Status: OP has called off her engagement due to constant arguments and feelings of being overwhelmed.
Financial Dynamics: OP is the primary breadwinner, covering $2,300 of the household bills, while her fiancé contributes only $800.
Household Responsibilities: OP manages all household chores, including cooking, cleaning, and childcare, while her fiancé often plays video games after work.
Childcare Concerns: Their one-year-old son is frequently left watching television while OP works late shifts as a server.
Emotional Toll: OP is struggling with her mental health and health issues, feeling exhausted and unappreciated in her role.

OP has expressed frustration over her fiancé’s lack of participation in household duties and his failure to follow through on promises to improve. Despite her efforts to communicate and seek a partnership, she feels unsupported and overwhelmed.

Key Events Leading to Conflict

Unfulfilled Promises: OP’s fiancé often promises to help more but fails to make significant changes.
Emotional Manipulation: He has made comments suggesting that OP would be a bad parent if she left, which adds to her internal conflict.
Support from Family: OP has allowed her fiancé’s family to stay with them rent-free, hoping it would improve their situation.

Steps Toward Resolution

After reflecting on her situation, OP has decided to take proactive steps:

Seeking Therapy: OP plans to start therapy to address her mental health and gain clarity on her relationship.
Setting a Deadline: She intends to give her fiancé six weeks to improve his contributions, marking the date on a calendar.
Monitoring Childcare: OP is taking measures to ensure her son is cared for properly and is not left with his father unsupervised.

Recent Developments

In a recent update, OP reported a significant change:

Taking Action: OP called her fiancé’s mother to come and take him away, marking a turning point in her decision-making.
Finding Peace: She expressed relief and happiness after spending quality time with her son without the stress of her fiancé’s presence.
Future Plans: OP is preparing for potential legal proceedings regarding custody and support, but feels more at ease moving forward.

Overall, OP’s journey highlights the complexities of family drama and the importance of conflict resolution in relationships. Her commitment to prioritizing her mental health and her child’s well-being is a crucial step in navigating this challenging situation.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

I, 20F, and my fiancé, 22M, have been at each other’s throats 24/7. Not one day can I have peace of mind with this man-child. I have already called off my engagement and am about to just call it quits, but I am the breadwinner, so that would leave him homeless.

Any time I mention breaking up, he just says how I’m being typical, knowing my family history, and he wouldn’t be surprised if I took him to court for child support for our 1-year-old son. A little backstory that led to now is that I am the one who cooks, cleans, works, makes appointments, and babysits. I have to be the one to find childcare while all he does is work and come home, put Mickey Mouse on our son’s tablet, then goes to play video games while our son is watching Mickey Mouse.

That goes on until I get out of work around 12 a.m. I am a server, and I am the one with all the bills under my name. He throws in $800 towards the bills while I pay $2,300.

We both work full-time jobs. Anytime I complain to him about him not putting in the work, he says, “I will change, I’m sorry, I’ll do better,” and never does. I’m at my breaking point after I did the laundry and handed him the bags of neat folded clean clothes, and I was told to be patient; he will put it away like I asked him to.

1.5 weeks later, it’s still in the corner of the room with new dirty clothes on top of it. Whenever I throw the idea of us cleaning together, he does for the first 5 minutes, then starts complaining about how tired he is, then goes on his phone and just lays there. I’m exhausted, and all I do is try to make this man happy, even if it means my mental health is at an all-time low.

I’m currently dealing with a lot of health issues, and I just can’t seem to find the energy to even take care of myself. I even let his family stay with us rent-free if it meant for him to be happy, and I just feel like I’m doing it all wrong. I just want to throw it all in the garbage; I’m exhausted.

He would be homeless if I leave him because the place we are in, I can only afford, and he would rather be homeless than move in with his family again. I just can’t handle it anymore. WIBTA if I leave my fiancé?

Edit

I know for everyone wondering how I lasted so long with him, I get the occasional “I’ll off myself” or “you’re a whore like your family” whenever I mention it, which gets me to just think about how I don’t want my son to walk around saying he doesn’t have a dad. My child’s father and I have been together since we were kids; we grew up together.

Update

Wow, I just drank a whole coffee and read through all of this. I just put my son to bed, and all I can say as of right now is I’m going into therapy starting tomorrow. I’m going to do what one Redditor suggested, which was to give him 6 weeks, put a calendar with the date circled and everything, and give him until then, and then make him leave once I compile a lot of evidence on him.

I was closely monitoring the iPad; he had Disney on for about 7 hours, which is not okay for a 1-year-old. I’m going to make sure our son goes to the babysitter and make sure to tell her not to let him take him and wait until I get there. Thank you for everyone’s support. I will try to update as soon as the ball hits the fan.

Update 2

So the ball hit the fan this morning. I personally called his mom to come get him. I start counseling on Monday.

I’m at peace; everything is already aligning. I already see the bright change without him. My son and I went out to Elmo’s play in American Dream mall, and it’s so much better being just me and him; he had lots of fun, and so did I, without the worry of someone nagging me to leave because they are tired.

I’m sure more will come from this, obviously with court, but I feel at ease.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments reveal a strong consensus around the verdict of NTA (Not the Ahole) due to the belief that the individual in question is not responsible for their partner’s homelessness and should prioritize their own well-being and that of their child. Most users agree that the partner’s refusal to take responsibility and his attempts to manipulate the situation are unacceptable, emphasizing that he should be held accountable for child support and that the individual deserves better.

Overall Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

Resolving conflicts in relationships, especially those involving family dynamics and financial responsibilities, requires open communication, empathy, and a willingness to change. Here are some practical steps for both OP and her fiancé to consider:

For OP: Prioritizing Your Well-Being

Continue Therapy: Engaging in therapy can provide you with tools to manage stress and improve your mental health. It can also help you gain clarity on your relationship and personal goals.
Establish Clear Boundaries: Clearly communicate your expectations regarding household responsibilities and childcare. Setting boundaries can help you feel more in control and respected.
Document Everything: Keep a record of your fiancé’s contributions and any promises made. This documentation can be useful if you need to discuss these issues with him or seek legal advice.
Focus on Self-Care: Make time for yourself, even if it’s just a few minutes a day. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, which can help alleviate some of the stress you’re experiencing.

For the Fiancé: Taking Responsibility

Reflect on Your Actions: Take time to consider how your behavior has impacted OP and your child. Acknowledging your shortcomings is the first step toward making meaningful changes.
Communicate Openly: Engage in honest conversations with OP about your feelings and the challenges you face. Avoid manipulation and focus on constructive dialogue.
Set Personal Goals: Identify specific areas where you can improve, such as contributing more to household chores or spending quality time with your child. Create a plan to implement these changes.
Seek Support: Consider talking to a therapist or counselor to address any underlying issues that may be affecting your behavior and relationship dynamics.

Joint Steps for Conflict Resolution

Schedule Regular Check-Ins: Set aside time each week to discuss your relationship, household responsibilities, and any concerns. This can help both parties feel heard and valued.
Develop a Shared Budget: Work together to create a budget that reflects both partners’ contributions and responsibilities. This can foster a sense of teamwork and accountability.
Consider Parenting Classes: Engaging in parenting classes together can improve your skills as co-parents and strengthen your partnership.
Explore Mediation: If conflicts persist, consider seeking the help of a mediator to facilitate discussions and help both parties reach a mutual understanding.

Ultimately, both partners must be willing to invest time and effort into improving their relationship. Prioritizing open communication, accountability, and mutual respect can pave the way for a healthier family dynamic.